Is the fling over?

[theyogi63]

Alright so this is a long story so I'll try to keep it brief. Basically I met a guy from my apartment complex who consistently pursued me even after I expressed to him i wasn't interested. After a while I gave in, mostly because I was turned on by him in a bikram yoga class.

 

Anyway, one thing led to another and we started fooling around on a near daily basis (for about 2 weeks) We would hang out too, I sincerely liked him as a friend and would have considered a relationship with him but we both know i am moving accross the country in august.

 

My feelings began to grow for him and I admit I did some things that would be perceived as "crazy girl" stuff. Such as: getting angry when he doesn't answer the phone, getting jealous, confronting about things, and the worst of all...checking his phone, which led to this current situation. (I'm not saying that i didnt have good reason for doing some of these things, but still deemed 'crazy girl" stuff nonetheless).

 

So we were in the middle of a hook up (didnt quite reach the climax) and i asked him to go shave because he was hurting me. When he was in the shower, i needed to check the time (my watch was in the bathroom) so i flipped open his phone to look at the time. A couple seconds after, a text message comes in from "sexy bunny." I read it, even though i knew it was a wrong thing to do. Sexy bunny (his ex) said something about "wow you'll have to tell me the story of the crazy girl." I naturally wondered...what crazy girl? So I look at his recent sent messages to see that he has been saying there is a "crazy girl" after him, making it out to his ex like he wasnt actively pursuing me, which couldnt be farther from the truth. (His ex btw is in another country).

 

When he got out of the shower I confronted him about it, profusely apologizing that i looked at his phone but explaining why. I told him it hurt me that he would talk about me in such a way and would appreciate if he didnt do it. He made a huge issue out of me checking his phone and violating him and told me he was leaving because he wasn't "in the mood" anymore. (This was Sun around noon). He told me that i can see him on tues because mon he's busy (without even knowing my schedule just assumed i would be free). I told him "if you walk out like this, you will not see me again." And he said "yes you will, youll see me on tuesday." i kept telling him i wouldn't, to which he responded "you'll see me." And walked out.

 

Didnt hear from him again until Tues 8pm asking if i wanted to go to a yoga class and grab smoothies afterwards. i didnt respond because i have received no apology from him and i told him that i would not be seeing him on tues. Plus.. he didnt even plan ahead with me!!

 

So..that is the only correspondence i have had since sun and he used to contact me every day (like i said we saw each other every day). No calls, no more texts, no emails, nada.

 

He took some important pictures for me at one point since he was with me during a fender bender. he took pictures as evidence because i dont have an iphone. i texted him tonight because i am meeting with the claims agent tomorrow and need to send the pictures. i sent him a very brief text (no hello) just saying "i would appreciate if u would send me the photos...meeting with claims agent tomorrow. thanks" He hasnt responded and it's been a few hours.

 

This is the thing. In my opinion he has been disrespectful to me. We had great chemistry, and he was phenomenal in bed. I only want a fling with him, but cannot continue this with him if its going to be degrading.

 

Based on the fact that i do want to continue with him, how do I fenagle that without degrading myself? The only thing i can think is texting him again tomorrow afternoon saying "i understand what happened with us but i need this in order to be reimbursed." if he doesnt answer then, im just going to drop it, unfortunately, because i find it too degrading to pursue him after what he's done.

 

What's your take? Is this situation workable at all? If i wait do u think he will contact me? Is text tomorrow too desperate for communication?

 

Thank you : )

Edited May 17, 2013 by theyogi63

[todreaminblue]

ack....dickhead alert alert alert......he treated you horribly.......he made fun of you shamed you and humiliatingly you read about it....you are right to cut contact with him......sounds like though he is going to be a true jerk and not give you the pictures that you need for your claim....there's not a lot you can do ...send him one more text tell him you need those pictures asap......tell him by text that you miss the fun you used to have you had a really hot dream last night you will share later(just not with him tell your diary).......leave the text there.......if he responds with your pics....good....then delete his number.......you probably will miss the fun you had with him....some guys arent worth a smile let alone fun...this guy seems to be one..not worth anything ....and as far as the hot dream goes....your doona/blanket is warm without him in it....so no lies told...no harm no foul....i wish you all the best with a more thoughtful and considerate guy.......deb

[Eternal Sunshine]

Uh, where to start.

 

You say you only want a fling, yet you are WAY WAY too invested in him already. And your emotional attachment will only grow. He already knows this and is using it to his full advantage i.e. by treating you like c... and knowing you will take it.

 

Secondly, never make threats that you are not prepared to carry through. You said he will never see you again if he walks out and you are now still obsessing when to text/see him? It makes you come across as weak and you are basically showing him that your word means nothing.

 

Thirdly, he is referring to you as crazy girl - his respect for you is obviously non-existent.

 

Block his number and salvage a shred of self-respect while you still can. Of course, we both know you will never do this

[theyogi63]

Thanks so much for taking the time to read my post and for your helpful comment : )

[CryForNoOne]

This thread prompted me to delete all disparaging nicknames I use for my new GF from my cell phone...

[aisuru]

So let me get this straight... you had sex for two weeks with your neighbor, a fling.... So just sex really. So no respect for yourself accept to get your jollies.

 

Yet, you reacted like a crazy psycho girlfriend when you found out he spoke about you like the neighbor he's just getting sex from, just a fling, just getting his jollies from. To his ex girlfriend.

 

I don't know why you're so surprised.

 

FWB NEVER EVER EVER BECOME RELATIONSHIPS.

 

And you do not have the emotional boundaries for just sex with somebody.

 

YOU were in the wrong to look at his phone. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I dated somebody for a year and we both knew each others passcodes for our phones/ipads and not once was I tempted to look at his phone/email/etc, nor he mine as far as I know.

 

You are in the wrong. So long, so sad over the pics. He's put you in no contact.

[theyogi63]

Thanks for your comment. We actually never had sex, just hooked up in different ways. We hung out for a month with no physical contact before this ever started. He wanted a relationship and suggest we be in one but decided it wasn't a good idea because I am moving.