Leigh 87 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I miss my two dogs. The ex would still be amiable with me about contact with them, as he always stressed that I could come visit the dogs any time. I am thinking I can text him, after a little more no contact, with this: " Hello:) I would like to visit my dogs today while your playing soccer. Can you please let me know the time you will be gone? Thanks in advance" He likes me to at least and be friendly, I know what he is like.... When it is just " I want to see the dogs please, can you let me know when your playing soccer" he would be less forthcoming and less cooperative. I am happy to go without seeing my dogs for a while longer if it would be better for me to avoid his house for a while. .............................................. My dogs only like me and not him; his father looked after them, and one of them does not even like his father at all. Now both my dogs are without love and attention. My ex loves his two small dogs to death, yet hates my dog and the other dog gets very little attention from him. I am genuinely concerned about my dogs well being. My ex wanted to remain close and see me. I could go over there anytime and be hugged and showered with love and affection, but I DO KNOW that I have to remain strong and refrain from taking the easy way out. I am confident that I will be able to just see my dogs and then leave before he returns. In my mind, it will only hurt me in the long run to see him again. I want to be able to find love again one day and the more I see him, the longer it will take me to find the right guy. ............................................ What I gather from dealing with pets and kids, is: - use as little words as possible - DO NOT get sucked into their lovey talk ( for instance, if they say " I miss you babe") DO NOT respond to it. - only talk about the dogs. - while I do not want to talk to him at length, if he mentions anything about his new job, I genuinely do want to throw in a small " that's great" to make the direct contact about the dogs less severe. You know? I am a fun, friendly, and positive women, and it is unlike me to just say " okay I will be there from 1 - 3" I feel better saying " good luck with the game. I will be there from __ until _____" I like to include pleasantries, but I do not want to go beyond " good luck in the game" or " that's great (about his new job or something good) ...................................... Please give me feedback. I am open to not seeing my dogs at all until I get back from my trip in July.
Author Leigh 87 Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 I will give you an example of how I want to be. If you feel I am not ready for this, I will just wait until after my overseas trip before I see my dogs. " what time is your game, I want to visit my dogs while your gone :)" he comments.... " thanks:)" I should probably stick to just "thanks" rather than " good luck in soccer" ........................................ If he mentions anything about his new job or anything after the dog messages, I guess I should just ignore him after all, now that I have thought about it. It just feels rude for me to not say " that's great:)" I guess I MUST NOT engage in conversation, even if it is just something small like " that's great" It will be hard, but I want to eventually see my dogs, and then take them to live with me once my parents go back overseas. I sneak them into my flat, as they are tiny and I have time to walk them daily. It is a no dog flat.
KatZee Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 You don't. You don't seem to grasp what NC is. That doesn't mean you text every other day asking when he's not there so you can do X, Y, and Z. It means you are in no way, shape or form in contact with him. You care for these dogs, but they're not your dogs. They're his dogs. You can't live in a "no dog" apartment, leave your dogs with your ex to care for/raise, and then call them "your dogs." As time goes on, they fail to be "your" dogs. If you're so concerned about their welfare, call animal control and have them remove the dogs from his property. These dogs, as much as you love them, are not kids. It's an unfortunate situation that when couples break up, often the pets are caught in the middle. My ex was left with my cat. I loved him more than anything and I never saw him again. I know your ex wouldn't keep you from the dogs, but do you really want to keep dragging this break up out? 6
Author Leigh 87 Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 My dogs hate Andrew though. Andrews dad occasionally lives with him 50% of the time. He looks after one of my dogs. The other dog, however; he ONLY likes me. Literally, he has issues and growls at everyone besides me. He cried when I left the car, to go get a drink from the gas station for crying out loud. When I last saw Andrew the week after the break up, my dog who only likes me was CLEARLY distressed at my absence. It was very difficult to see how desperate he was to see me again! He cried yet was happy at he same time... it felt like he was saying " woof woof OMG WHERE WERE YOU omg this is so hard, but YAY your gear woof woof woof" I LOVE dogs, and I am not much into animals in general BESIDES dogs. My own dogs were like my children. I do not want kids and my dogs were the closest things to me, besides Andrews. I literally slept in bed cuddling one of my dogs every night. .................................................................................. Are you sure I cannot go over while Andrew is at soccer? As a once a week thing? All it would entail is a once a week text: " what time are you out of the house, for soccer" " ___________________ from him" " Thanks" .................................................................................... Why would it matter? I won't do it if it will lead to me getting hurt though. Andrew was ADAMANENT that he would not move onto another girl ANY time soon; it took him 6 months after his last girl before me, and they were just together for 3 months... ......................................................................................... I mean, I know him well, and I doubt there will be some other b*tch in his life any time soon, where he would need to be like " Hey Leigh, perhaps you should not come around cos my new gf is here right now living with me" ............................................................................................. Even so though, even when it happens months down the road, it will still sting, especially if I have not found love again! I LOVE my dogs though!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then again, once a week is not enough with them anyway, for them to remain my dogs.
Author Leigh 87 Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 uhh yeah, it is a LITTLE MORE than an " unfortunate situation" I spent EVERY DAY with my ex and my two little dogs. And they are a 25 min drive away. It is HARD to know that my adorable dogs are SO close. I seriously want to arrange set days when I can come see them. ................................. Why don't we have SET times, that CANNOT be negotiated? I could tell him this: " Andrew, I want to arrange 3 days a week where I can spend time with my dogs" " I do not want to know when you start seeing a new girl, so if you need to cancel the visitation times due to a girl being around, DO NOT tell me, but simply tell me I cannot come over, and arrange another time where I can" ........................................................... Why couldn't I remain NC and visit my dogs without having to talk to him about it? I DO NOT think he is going to get over me any time soon and starts seeing someone new. Sorry, he loves me too much and clearly stated the last times we saw each other, how he did not want to let go of his love for me any time soon. I DO NOT think I would run into issues that involve him seeing a new girl, that would hinder the visitation of the dogs. ................................................................ This is ONLY an idea, I just miss my dogs incredibly. I will think it through and discuss it with a lot of people before deciding to act on this idea.
CarrieT Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 If you do not or cannot take the dogs, than you HAVE to resign yourself to the fact that they are no longer yours and you do not see them. End Of Sentence. All the other stuff -- about who they like or don't like -- doesn't matter anymore. If you can't be responsible for them, then you can't be in their lives.
thefooloftheyear Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 If you do not or cannot take the dogs, than you HAVE to resign yourself to the fact that they are no longer yours and you do not see them. End Of Sentence. All the other stuff -- about who they like or don't like -- doesn't matter anymore. If you can't be responsible for them, then you can't be in their lives. Hedk I wouldnt even take the dogs...Thats all you need, a constant reminder of him every time they walk across the room.. Forget about the dogs.. TFY
Author Leigh 87 Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 I can take them for 9 months of the year, when my parents are not visiting. They are extremely easy to keep in my apartment; it is dog free, but they are so small that I looked after them for MONTHS here before with out any issues. I just put them in a big bag once a day to talk them for a walk and for them to go toilet. It would be hard though, as they would still wee inside and it would be a pain to clean it up. I would have to wake early and take them outside, as well as the afternoon/night time walk. And I feel bad for one of my dogs, as neither Andrew or his father pay attention to him. I am the one he loves and goes to for attention. Andrew is not ready to let go of me at all it seems either. He still texts. I do not respond of course.
Author Leigh 87 Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 Hedk I wouldnt even take the dogs...Thats all you need, a constant reminder of him every time they walk across the room.. Forget about the dogs.. TFY Yeah, I am leaning towards just forgetting about them. 1
aisuru Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 If you do not or cannot take the dogs, than you HAVE to resign yourself to the fact that they are no longer yours and you do not see them. End Of Sentence. All the other stuff -- about who they like or don't like -- doesn't matter anymore. If you can't be responsible for them, then you can't be in their lives. This bears repeating.
Author Leigh 87 Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 Yeah I want to just cut contact with them too. It is clearly the fastest way for me to move on and find love again one day. It looks like the hardest options is also the best one. Thanks for the advice. I will not be arranging to see them. This is f*cked though. Heart breaking stuff.
aisuru Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 This is f*cked though. Heart breaking stuff. It's called life. No more Andrews or dogs until you can take care of yourself. 1
Star Gazer Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I am so, so thankful that when my college/law school boyfriend and I broke up, that he left the dog with me, without question. I would have been traumatized had I had to share her or set up some sort of visitation schedule. I really feel for you here, Leigh.
Lost_Soul_86 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 After my boyfriend of 9 years broke up with me there wasn't even a discussion of who gets the dog, it was pretty clear from the start that if anything ever happened to us the dog was coming with me. I packed a bag, grabbed my keys, with my dog only a few small paces behind me. I wouldn't know what i would do without her and i would never leave her behind. Maybe when your parents leave you can have the dog(s) back in your apartment and If you love them that much start saving some money and start looking for a place that's "dog friendly". But for the meantime remain NC!!
Author Leigh 87 Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 It's just awful really. It just plain hurts. I am going to ask my parents to rent their flat which they own out, and to use the rent money and the welfare money I get, to set me up in an even cheaper, albeit, dog friendly flat. I am very close to my dogs and one of them just fcking hates every one besides me. Ugh. I do not want to sneak them in because Andrew and I will be moving on and seeing other people, which frankly, neither of us will want to be exposed to any time in the near future. I guess I could send a single text in late August saying " I would like to take my dogs to come and live here with me, would that be okay? And please do not mention if your seeing anyone new as I am not ready to hear about it" I know Andrew would not tell me if I asked him not to.
Author Leigh 87 Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 Ugh. I cracked and went to visit them. I knew HE was not there. He works late Friday nights. UGH. They are sooooo adorable. I can't imagine losing them. I was with a friend who is also going through a break up... The puppies cheered her up! I WANT to get a dog friendly place! I just cannot study full time and work a lot; I cannot even FIND a job in the very worst places, they do not hire ppl in their mid to late 20's in hospitality or retail unless we are managers. I wil try to find bar work but like, I do not want to work every night and study full time. I think if my parents rented this place out, I would live someplace else with the rent money! I will even offer to live in a total DUMP if it means my parents can even MAKE money off renting this place out, so that I can stay at a cheaper place and have my dogs!
Recommended Posts