She's coming over...

[Simon Phoenix]

This is much ado about nothing. Meaning nothing will happen and nothing will get solved and this merry-go-round will continue.

[OwlSoul]

I mean, she really didn't even apologize for the way she treated you with any form of true sincerity

This is bothering me as well.

BUT, I know she made a mistake, and I'm confident she knows that too.

It's more about the 'mistake thing'. It's about being able to imagine what are you feeling. Empathy. When you're in love you do feel what your partner feels and care for the person's feelings.

[imtooconfused]

All I can tell you McGriff is that I know everything about your EX. I was in such a relationship myself. She probably has three, four or five other guys like you that she strings along. She needs the validation. You are merely a charm on her bracelet, nothing more. You seem to be perfectly happy with that, holding out some small spec of hope that her mind has changed (I have been there too). I don't fault you for that in any way. It's only human. I've seen this movie, though, and I know how it ends.

[Larry56]

Good on you Griff.

 

Seriously, listen to these winos. The issue here is that some couples who breakup actually do get back together and this is just one example. Being angry at your ex because she dumped you is completely RIDICULOUS because if you actually listened to what they had to say or even read 'between the lines' then you'd know what you had to work on to make the relationship work properly.

 

 

Although I would caution not to have sex with her just yet...have some more pool parties and make her want you even more!

[ThatJustHappened]

McGriff..I'm going to go with the minority here and say go for it. I think you're probably going to get your @ss kicked but maybe that's what you need to get over her. Some men are just particularly thick skulled and they need to have things drilled into them in order for it to sink in.

 

And by some..I mean most..and by most..I mean all. Good luck dude.

 

Just don't be a d!ck and lead any of the other women you meet on. That's mean and horrible.

[IS IT Better late]

McGriff my dude!

 

Damn I'm jealous... Keep doing what you are doing. If she's just using you for the time being so what have fun with it! See... you know what you're dealing with now and you won't be blind sided by her again.

 

Just know she's prob not "the one" so don't go imagining your future with her b/c that's when you'll get hurt again. Girls like her don't change.

 

In the meantime just have fun with her, repair your ego and self esteem and if you see the signs of her drifting away let her go don't fight it.

 

I hope I get my shot at it too?

[McGriff]

I appreciate all the comments. Certainly someone here has it correct, since every possibility has been opined. Seriously, I will be fine no matter what happens, but I appreciate all the "concern".

[McGriff]

Oh, and phase one complete---she called this morning to confirm.

[na49]

I'm happy my ex was clear about wanting me back and didn't make me jump through all of these hoops and sh*t just for me to try to gauge her interest/intentions.

 

Best of luck though!

[happydate]

I appreciate all the comments. Certainly someone here has it correct, since every possibility has been opined. Seriously, I will be fine no matter what happens, but I appreciate all the "concern".

 

McGriff my boy, she's stroking your ego and pride like Cleopathra and I'm happy for you. Have you considered that while she's doing this on you that all your other eligible women out there who wants to meet and get to know you and perhaps treat you much better emotionally and sexually can not get to know you and aren't willing to wait for you while she lounge at your pool with drinks at hand. She knows she's got you. She knows she's clearing all your girl schedule that you're going to have an awefully long time trying to find another girl again (pain which you will later experience) because girls aren't waiting for you to finish with your ex lounging at the pool.

 

I am not actually sure why you're actually stuck with an old flame? Do you seriously think you are not good enough for a girl that will treat you better rather under a spell of an excellent female manipulator.

[fancy feast]

I'm happy my ex was clear about wanting me back and didn't make me jump through all of these hoops and sh*t just for me to try to gauge her interest/intentions.

 

Best of luck though!

 

That's because it was the only option you left her. Don't chase someone who left you, that's their job.

[StarsOnFire]

Cool, enjoy the attention she's giving you until she meets another dude she likes more than you. Good luck keeping her interested this time, cuz last time she got bored and left you for another dude....not the best track record with this chick.

[McGriff]

Ok, so an update...

 

She came over to the house yesterday and we had a really good time. Had some drinks, laid out by the pool (she was in her bikini--HOT), and had just good flowing conversation. We've always had that chemistry, it's so easy. My objective going in was to not put any pressure on her and avoid talking about the relationship, I just wanted to have fun, and I was successful in that. She is a music teacher and has a recital for her kids on Saturday morning, so she had told me yesterday that she had some more stuff to do to get ready for it. So what was originally scheduled to be a couple hours, turned into like 7 hours. I could tell she didnt want to leave. Anyways, I gave her some gifts I got her and her son on my trip and she was pleased. When she left, she asked what I was doing later on, and I told her I was just gonna have a low key evening with my kids, and she said if she got everything done she would come back over...we hugged (I didn't try to kiss her) and she left. Baby steps. She texted me last night that she was running behind on her preparations and said she had a good time. So that's where we stand. She was telling me her family is renting a beach house next weekend in celebration of her birthday, but she stopped short of inviting me---I think because I previously told her I had plans to go on a short road trip with some friends next weekend. I think this next week is critical in seeing whether we move forward or not. I know I am teetering dangerously close to the edge of "friendship", and I'm not gonna go there. There were a couple moments where I could feel the chemistry and longing between us, but like I said, I didn't act on it, because I really want it to come from her. We'll see where it goes from here. As always, I will not initiate anything and continue to do my thing. What do you guys think?

[KatZee]

She was telling me her family is renting a beach house next weekend in celebration of her birthday, but she stopped short of inviting me---I think because I previously told her I had plans to go on a short road trip with some friends next weekend.

 

I know I am teetering dangerously close to the edge of "friendship", and I'm not gonna go there.

 

I think if she wanted to invite you, she would have put it out there regardless of knowing you had plans or not.

 

You ARE playing in the friendship zone right now and she's reaping some tremendous benefits from the guy she dumped for someone else. Free pool access? Drinks? Awesome buddy buddy conversation? Gifts?

 

This girl's good.

[imtooconfused]

You ARE playing in the friendship zone right now and she's reaping some tremendous benefits from the guy she dumped for someone else. Free pool access? Drinks? Awesome buddy buddy conversation? Gifts?

 

This girl's good.

 

Yep, I know how easy this is to fall for. I am actually thankful that this thread is still alive so that I don't repeat McGriff's mistakes.

[McGriff]

Kat,

 

She didn't dump me for another guy. She started dating a guy a month after the BU, and it only lasted three weeks. But as for everything else you said, she IS good, assuming she's playing some sort of game. Think I'm gonna go cold on her, see what she does.

 

Imtooconfused,

 

Glad you can gleen something from this. I'm in uncharted waters with all this. That's what these boards are for, to look at others situations and try to learn.

[happydate]

Kat,

 

She didn't dump me for another guy. She started dating a guy a month after the BU, and it only lasted three weeks. But as for everything else you said, she IS good, assuming she's playing some sort of game. Think I'm gonna go cold on her, see what she does.

 

Imtooconfused,

 

Glad you can gleen something from this. I'm in uncharted waters with all this. That's what these boards are for, to look at others situations and try to learn.

 

McGriff, that's what they all say.. In reality, she dumped you because she had already been dating this guy probably a few times and may have very likely slept with him or wanting to sleep with him! If she wants to be with men, she does not want to be alone. When she had the feelings for him and he provided more security than you do, you're basically done. You still hadn't called on her bluff yet I assume, which showed that you are the one being played, while she's bidding for time until she meets a new man who can provide better security than you do. Call on her bluff. Ask her that to be on your pool, she needs to become your FWB. If she agrees and did it and continue doing it like the good old times, then I suppose most of us here are wrong. But most of us here come from experience.

 

Good luck..

Edited May 18, 2013 by happydate

[McGriff]

Happydate,

 

I hear what you are saying...as for her potentially knowing the guy before we split, she may have, although she told me otherwise (imagine that). But I know she didnt cheat because we spent literally everyday/night together.

 

I'm trying to analyze where I go from here. I mean I could keep playing it cool, but I'm thinking that's not gonna work, because I've been doing that now for almost a month since she started contacting me, and I've really gotten nowhere. I have other women who I could pursue, and just freeze the ex out again. The new girl is still there, but I just don't feel like we have any chemistry. She's really nice, but there's no spark for me. I think going out with her would be just using her at this point and I don't want to do that. I haven't talked to her in a couple days, because I've been spending time with the ex on the phone, text and of course yesterday. I did meet a woman on the cruise who lives in a neighboring state, who wants to meet with me and my friends next weekend on the road trip (we're gonna be about an hour from her). I didn't "hook up" with her, but we did mess around a little bit. It's funny because the ex asked me yesterday if I hooked up on the cruise, and it kinda caught me off guard and I was like "uhhhh, no, uhh but I met some people" haha, she just kinda laughed it off uncomfortably and I proceeded to quickly change the subject. As for calling her out, maybe I'll consider it. Just interested to see what she does next.

[KatZee]

As for calling her out, maybe I'll consider it. Just interested to see what she does next.

 

Honestly, this is what I feel. I feel that you haven't "called her out" because you're scared of the answer. Deep down you know exactly what the answer is going to be. And instead of facing reality, you'd rather play this cat and mouse game, while naively thinking you're the one in control here.

 

You're not.

 

What's she going to do next? She's going to do what tons of women do. Continue feeding you breadcrumbs, continue "hanging out," continue talking to you as a friend, continue taking advantage of what you have to offer and when she finds the next guy she clicks with, you'll be tossed in the background again.

 

She's probably lonely, you're familiar, and you're good enough to hang out with for now. It's been a month since you've been "hanging out" and she hasn't brought up anything. Not the relationship, not getting back with you, she hasn't made a physical move. I get that you feel this "spark" and this "chemistry" but you may very well be projecting your own feelings on to her.

 

She's single, she's been hanging out with you, she's the one that dumped you, she has all the power here to do whatever it is she wants to do with you. If she wanted you, I really think you'd know it.

[happydate]

Happydate,

 

I hear what you are saying...as for her potentially knowing the guy before we split, she may have, although she told me otherwise (imagine that). But I know she didnt cheat because we spent literally everyday/night together.

 

I'm trying to analyze where I go from here. I mean I could keep playing it cool, but I'm thinking that's not gonna work, because I've been doing that now for almost a month since she started contacting me, and I've really gotten nowhere. I have other women who I could pursue, and just freeze the ex out again. The new girl is still there, but I just don't feel like we have any chemistry. She's really nice, but there's no spark for me. I think going out with her would be just using her at this point and I don't want to do that. I haven't talked to her in a couple days, because I've been spending time with the ex on the phone, text and of course yesterday. I did meet a woman on the cruise who lives in a neighboring state, who wants to meet with me and my friends next weekend on the road trip (we're gonna be about an hour from her). I didn't "hook up" with her, but we did mess around a little bit. It's funny because the ex asked me yesterday if I hooked up on the cruise, and it kinda caught me off guard and I was like "uhhhh, no, uhh but I met some people" haha, she just kinda laughed it off uncomfortably and I proceeded to quickly change the subject. As for calling her out, maybe I'll consider it. Just interested to see what she does next.

 

McGriff, I understand your place. I had been there. As a young lad, I was naive and stupid and believed what they all said. But under the fine print, you start to see that they are nothing more than users of you and me and great manipulators and train wrecks. Why date a train wreck? The pain will be more the second time around then the first. What you are doing is thinking I can lessen the pain if I allow her to be in my life, even if it's going to be platonic. But deep in your mind, you want her vagina don't you? Just be honest. You are only getting that if you call on her bluff. As I said before, your chances are about 0.1%. I know only 1 guy who actually successful won his ex back, got married and stayed married for 20 yrs. The rest are like me, you and the rest of the members here on LS. No hope and no chance. You have a greater chance with a new woman; heck a lot more chances of you with her then you with Cleopathra!

 

And speaking of that guy. He was my best friend and still is and his ex actually was dating me and him at the same time!! I dumped her because we both just don't click and she went back to him. I'm still best friend with him and her and even today, she asked me for council in regards to their relationship. I help them because I care for them, not that I care to bang her behind my friend's back. That's my principle. Thou shall not covet thy neighbour's wife. So you see, they are always dating parallel guys and she always has the right to. You are just naive buying into her Cinderella story. Most of these women are just not as Cinderella as you think.

Edited May 18, 2013 by happydate

[McGriff]

Panty dropper,

 

Ouch! Haha, that's a scorching analysis, and while I can't deny it all looks bad, I don't think it's as bad as you may think. One reason nothing was gonna happen is because my 12 year old son came home from school and joined us in the pool. He gets along well with her, so there wasn't really an opportunity for "panty dropping" . But yes, I need to make her step up or I need to move on, no doubt...

[Simon Phoenix]

You seem like you are on your way to a nice, happy, emotionally fulfilling platonic friendship. Congrats.