Chase10 Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Hey all, Started dating a girl (24, I'm 26) in September. At first I was kinda aloof and she chased me a lot. Then we had a very minor fight and I realized she was the first girl I actually cared about, so I started to change and actually give her attention. When I did this I kind of freaked her out because she realized that I hadn't been caring for her, so we broke up and started over in December. I asked her to officially date me again in late January. We told each other that we loved each other, etc. We started talking about marriage in a year or two. Then I basically started giving her too much of my attention. She's one of those headstrong girls that if you push them they push back. I would go out of my way to do things like make her dinner, surprise her with flowers, etc etc. This past month she started to pull away and be less available, partly because of law school exams. Two days later she told me she wanted to break up because she doesn't feel the spark or attraction to me anymore. It's not because I've let myself go or anything, in fact I'm more in shape than I used to be. We talked some and basically my problem was that I was too available and I wasn't much of a challenge (my take away from what she said). Another part of the deal is that she felt like I'm such a good BF and she's going to Europe for a month, and she doesn't want to treat me poorly by not being able to talk much. It basically tore me up. She said she still deeply cares about me. Then I saw her out one night and she wasn't interested in talking much, so I happened to get really really drunk. I kissed a girl in front of her (I don't remember, and she's especially upset because she's always thought this girl was really beautiful and she thinks I did it on purpose). Anyway, she said it was surprising and she just didn't want to date now and didn't want to talk right now. She basically wanted to make sure we were truly it, and that we had that "spark," instead of realizing we didn't in 2 years or so. At first she wanted to just be friends and see if we got back together, but then she was upset after I kissed the other girl. We decided it would be best to talk after she's back in a month. In this time I've just concentrated on myself - working out, studying for the Bar, volunteering, etc. My question/problem is that I don't know what to do to contact her. I have no doubt in my mind that I'm over my issues about losing her because I was playing not to lose, when really I should have just been having fun and playing to win. She's a headstrong girl so I don't think she'll try to contact me. I was thinking about just asking her out to coffee to chat about her trip after she's been back for a week or so. I would just like to try a few dates to see if that spark we had in the beginning is back, now that I'm back. Should I at least try to reach out and (not pushing) see where things go, or should I just move on?
aisuru Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 You kissed another girl in front of her? Total dick move. You need to cut your losses and move on.
DavidSoBased Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 It's not a spark. It's a flame. And if you don't tend to the flame by putting firewood into it, then it will die out. Doesn't sound like she's trying to keep the flames of love alive.
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