Going out with a cute military boy!!

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Yup. Talking about eggs and pop tarts is absolute proof that he likes you.

 

 

It was pretty adorable

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Sure beats the hell out of chasing low-quality men around and trapping them with an "oopsie" pregnancy.

 

You're dating someone so you wouldn't understand.

 

For example my aunt is in her 50s she's pretty and funny and has an awesome job and has a cool 2013 Cadillac and her house is paid for and she can do whatever she wants but she has never been married and has no kids, she is complacent and I don't want to be like that because I don't want that life it would suck

[SmileFace]

What charm are you talking about?

You can't keep a guy interested for a month and you have charm?

 

You are fake long enough that you act as a mirror of sorts so guys think you both match and are the same however then you are back to your own regular self about a month in. No charm.

 

You will never keep a guy if you don't learn how to be yourself.

Stop trying to be the perfect girlfriend

Or his perfect mate

 

Learn to meet these guys half way and being fake will not get you there.

[Drseussgrrl]

You're dating someone so you wouldn't understand.

 

For example my aunt is in her 50s she's pretty and funny and has an awesome job and has a cool 2013 Cadillac and her house is paid for and she can do whatever she wants but she has never been married and has no kids, she is complacent and I don't want to be like that because I don't want that life it would suck

 

Maybe she's happy. Heaven forbid you could actually be happy without a man!

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

What charm are you talking about?

You can't keep a guy interested for a month and you have charm?

 

You are fake long enough that you act as a mirror of sorts so guys think you both match and are the same however then you are back to your own regular self about a month in. No charm.

 

You will never keep a guy if you don't learn how to be yourself.

Stop trying to be the perfect girlfriend

Or his perfect mate

 

Learn to meet these guys half way and being fake will not get you there.

 

Ok well if this works out then I will try not to mirror him. I will come up with my own stuff. I mean I already am trying and I have interests so I mean I can just tell him about my interests and not mirror him. I just really want this to work out so I can stop caring about Andy

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Maybe she's happy. Heaven forbid you could actually be happy without a man!

 

I'm sure she is happy but it just seems sad and lonely like when she does she isn't leaving anyone behind like kids to carry on the legacy that is sad.

[veggirl]

Smile face does have good advice in her post.

 

I am happiest in a relationship. I want a relationship, so I understand you there. I think a lot of people lie about HOW happy they are single...I don't know ANYONE that would be truly happy being single for their whole life. I see nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. I mean if people were SO thrilled with being single why would they even date? they date because having a life partner makes them even happier than being single. wanting a relationship is normal and fine!

 

The problem with you is that you seem to want ANY relationship, at the sake of yourself. Listen to Smileface, don't just mirror this guy...none of that s.hit is sustainable.

 

Thing is, you'll waste so much more time chasing losers who don't REALLY like you than you would just being yourself and seeing who likes THAT. so if a guy doesn't like YOU then you need to walk asap. it's a waste of time to make him try to like you by being what he wants, that is time you could be using to find a guy who likes you as is....a guy who likes you as is, is a guy you can have a LIFELONG relationship with. you can't have a marriage with someone who likes an idea of you or one side of you.

 

good luck!

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Smile face does have good advice in her post.

 

I am happiest in a relationship. I want a relationship, so I understand you there. I think a lot of people lie about HOW happy they are single...I don't know ANYONE that would be truly happy being single for their whole life. I see nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. I mean if people were SO thrilled with being single why would they even date? they date because having a life partner makes them even happier than being single. wanting a relationship is normal and fine!

 

The problem with you is that you seem to want ANY relationship, at the sake of yourself. Listen to Smileface, don't just mirror this guy...none of that s.hit is sustainable.

 

Thing is, you'll waste so much more time chasing losers who don't REALLY like you than you would just being yourself and seeing who likes THAT. so if a guy doesn't like YOU then you need to walk asap. it's a waste of time to make him try to like you by being what he wants, that is time you could be using to find a guy who likes you as is....a guy who likes you as is, is a guy you can have a LIFELONG relationship with. you can't have a marriage with someone who likes an idea of you or one side of you.

 

good luck!

 

I'm just scared he won't like me. I miss Andy a ton wish he would just take me back I know he liked me for me because I said some of the dumbest stuff around him and he still liked me

[Drseussgrrl]

Smile face does have good advice in her post.

 

I am happiest in a relationship. I want a relationship, so I understand you there. I think a lot of people lie about HOW happy they are single...I don't know ANYONE that would be truly happy being single for their whole life. I see nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. I mean if people were SO thrilled with being single why would they even date? they date because having a life partner makes them even happier than being single. wanting a relationship is normal and fine!

 

The problem with you is that you seem to want ANY relationship, at the sake of yourself. Listen to Smileface, don't just mirror this guy...none of that s.hit is sustainable.

 

Thing is, you'll waste so much more time chasing losers who don't REALLY like you than you would just being yourself and seeing who likes THAT. so if a guy doesn't like YOU then you need to walk asap. it's a waste of time to make him try to like you by being what he wants, that is time you could be using to find a guy who likes you as is....a guy who likes you as is, is a guy you can have a LIFELONG relationship with. you can't have a marriage with someone who likes an idea of you or one side of you.

 

good luck!

 

I'm sorry but there is a huge difference between wanting a relationship and being so desperate for one that you would get pregnant to keep a dude around. I like having a man in my life, too, but I've spent my fair share single as well and had a lot of fun with it regardless.

 

IIB is so NOT ready for a healthy, balanced, enjoyable relationship. Read some of her other posts. If I had a son she'd be the type I'd warn him about. She hasn't even met this dude and she's wondering what to do with herself for the next four months while he's gone? She's about to graduate college for crying out loud, with the world at her feet.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I'm sorry but there is a huge difference between wanting a relationship and being so desperate for one that you would get pregnant to keep a dude around. I like having a man in my life, too, but I've spent my fair share single as well and had a lot of fun with it regardless.

 

IIB is so NOT ready for a healthy, balanced, enjoyable relationship. Read some of her other posts. If I had a son she'd be the type I'd warn him about. She hasn't even met this dude and she's wondering what to do with herself for the next four months while he's gone? She's about to graduate college for crying out loud, with the world at her feet.

 

I graduated last Saturday lol

The thing is I understand there's a lot I can do and want to do but I miss having someone to talk to all the time and kiss and hug and be cute with who like really cared if I was having a good day you know? I mean what I am going to do with myself next is important for sure but idk I just miss having someone. I'm not going to trick him into getting me pregnant because I do know I want to go to grad school and that would be hard with a baby... But 22 is not getting any younger for finding a spouse, it seems young to you all but if I go to grad school next year at 23 I will graduate at 25-26 then get a job and then what? If I have no man by then then what happens to me? I will be nearly 30 with no relationship while all my friends are getting married having babes. My best friend just moved in with her bf... What am I doing?

[veggirl]

I'm sorry but there is a huge difference between wanting a relationship and being so desperate for one that you would get pregnant to keep a dude around. I like having a man in my life, too, but I've spent my fair share single as well and had a lot of fun with it regardless.

 

IIB is so NOT ready for a healthy, balanced, enjoyable relationship. Read some of her other posts. If I had a son she'd be the type I'd warn him about. She hasn't even met this dude and she's wondering what to do with herself for the next four months while he's gone? She's about to graduate college for crying out loud, with the world at her feet.

 

I've read almost all of her posts and talked to her privately, I agree she doesn't have a healthy outlook on relationships, thats why I offer her advice. A lot of people are just flat out nasty to her though, and I don't see how that's helpful at all.

[pcplod]

If I can't be happy, the thing that pleases me the most next is seeing someone else being happy. Your posts have run head first into the opinions of quite a few life-experienced hardened cynics. But you are being terribly naive if you dismiss their advice out of hand, irrespective of how they may be putting it to you.

 

This is an order from an old experienced man; calm down! Now! Take those rose-tinted specs off and take a few deep slow breaths. And stop dissing all-and-sundry because they don't entirely buy into your state of ecstasy. No matter how good it feels, it isn't real only because even with the best will in the world it can't possibly last long term, no matter what you are convinced of right now.

 

Oh, and stop dissing your poor bloody aunt while you are at it. As a fellow singleton, I will tell you, emphatically, that there are only advantages and disadvantages to being either single or married. And you see that "leaving a legacy" thing? Let me assure you it's nothing but bull$h1t. You won't be able to appreciate and understand that now but 40 years from now you will, if you recall it at all, wonder what the hell you were talking about at the time. Life is about survival and being happy, if possible, until it all comes to an abrupt end some day. After you are dead the world and those in it won't give your passing a second thought, just like I won't nor most of those who preceded us or will follow us.

 

It reminds me of the old joke about "God being alive and well, and working on a less ambitious project".

 

Another thing. Your amour's military service? I have no idea what that entails but if it is front-line service in somewhere like Afghanistan I'll tell you now that as sure as night follows day he will come back a completely different man, most of it probably not good. Is that a sobering thought?

[Drseussgrrl]

I graduated last Saturday lol

The thing is I understand there's a lot I can do and want to do but I miss having someone to talk to all the time and kiss and hug and be cute with who like really cared if I was having a good day you know? I mean what I am going to do with myself next is important for sure but idk I just miss having someone. I'm not going to trick him into getting me pregnant because I do know I want to go to grad school and that would be hard with a baby... But 22 is not getting any younger for finding a spouse, it seems young to you all but if I go to grad school next year at 23 I will graduate at 25-26 then get a job and then what? If I have no man by then then what happens to me? I will be nearly 30 with no relationship while all my friends are getting married having babes. My best friend just moved in with her bf... What am I doing?

 

You're building a life for yourself. Stop with the doom and gloom. Relax. Everything works out the way it's supposed to. Dude - have FUN with it.

 

I knew a lot of girls your age who married military guys really young and had babies right away. Firstly, military guys don't make a lot of money. I knew several who could barely make it through to the next payday. Secondly, if he gets shipped off you would have to move away with him away from your friends and family to some place you'd probably rather not go, like Oklahoma where there isn't a lot of fun stuff to do for someone your age. Then you're stuck eating at Golden Corral buffet with your toddler because money is tight and you can't afford Olive Garden.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

If I can't be happy, the thing that pleases me the most next is seeing someone else being happy. Your posts have run head first into the opinions of quite a few life-experienced hardened cynics. But you are being terribly naive if you dismiss their advice out of hand, irrespective of how they may be putting it to you.

 

This is an order from an old experienced man; calm down! Now! Take those rose-tinted specs off and take a few deep slow breaths. And stop dissing all-and-sundry because they don't entirely buy into your state of ecstasy. No matter how good it feels, it isn't real only because even with the best will in the world it can't possibly last long term, no matter what you are convinced of right now.

 

Oh, and stop dissing your poor bloody aunt while you are at it. As a fellow singleton, I will tell you, emphatically, that there are only advantages and disadvantages to being either single or married. And you see that "leaving a legacy" thing? Let me assure you it's nothing but bull$h1t. You won't be able to appreciate and understand that now but 40 years from now you will, if you recall it at all, wonder what the hell you were talking about at the time. Life is about survival and being happy, if possible, until it all comes to an abrupt end some day. After you are dead the world and those in it won't give your passing a second thought, just like I won't nor most of those who preceded us or will follow us.

 

It reminds me of the old joke about "God being alive and well, and working on a less ambitious project".

 

Another thing. Your amour's military service? I have no idea what that entails but if it is front-line service in somewhere like Afghanistan I'll tell you now that as sure as night follows day he will come back a completely different man, most of it probably not good. Is that a sobering thought?

 

I don't think he is being deployed I think he will still be in the US, he is marine corps so idk what that really means. I love my aunt and I used to be jealous because I thought it was awesome that she has money and time to buy and do whatever she wants but idk then being a mom became my major focus. I definitely know I need to be more grateful for the advice I get on here and I do listen and tell my therapist and she knows almost everything I post about on here.

[Leigh 87]

Didn't you think it is wise to date when you recently suffered a break up?

 

Unless you just want to get out and flirt a little and maybe have a kiss (this is the phase I think I will be in soon), then I would seriously refrain from a dating type situation.

 

To me, it looks like your too ..... anxious about getting a guy. I agree that sharing your life with a guy can be wonderful, however; it seems to be an unhealthy focus for you... to meet the right guy.

 

I do see where your coming from though.. It IS super fun to flirt and go out with a guy. Hell, I even want to start going it 2 months post break up. But I think you sort of need to take a deep breath and calm the fck down before you go on dates:o

 

Are you able to just enjoy flirting and getting to know guys without the impulse to DATE them?

[Leigh 87]

now that I think about it....

 

 

Imperfect, I think the skyping and chatting online should be all the fun you have in regards to men, at this stage....

 

This is all fun and flirty behaviour! It cannot lead to rejection or broken dates or you discovering that he is not into you.......

 

I fear that your not at the stage where you can handle more rejection from men.

[veggirl]

IIB you're not ill-intentioned, you are just super naive and idealistic.

 

Remember, the people who are divorced at 28/29/30? Those are the people who married at 23.

 

I was always terrified of getting old. I nearly had a breakdown on my 20th birthday!! Youth is wasted on the young, you are proof of that, take the real advice given to you to heart. You'll be fine.

[curlygirl40]

Well since we already talk everyday (and he messages me everyday not the other way around) I'm not superly majorly concerned. I will focus on what I care about which is getting a boy thanks!

 

Hi IiB, just wanted to comment on this part here. I have read this whole thread and much of your last one so I will spare you the lecture about being happy outside of a relationship first. :-)

 

Have you seen a lot of the posts lately about people who meet someone in real life finally and then the contact goes way down after? It's so common when you're getting to know someone to talk daily, skype, text, e-mail all the time because you're in that getting to know you stage.

 

You do need to be prepared that even if you do hit it off once you meet that the contact will go down some. It's normal so expect it, especially from a guy who is about to go away for 4 months.

 

As far as the date goes, relax and just be yourself! If it's meant to be it will be.

 

Relax, have fun, be safe. Not necessarily in that order. And be happy with or without a guy. That should be priority #1.

 

Remember this saying 'What we fear, we create'.

 

You are so afraid of being washed up and alone at the age of 30 that you continue to put that out into the universe. I really do believe that you can be so afraid of something that you actually make it happen. What we fear, we create. Remember.

 

I'm in my 40's and single again and I'm telling you I have never been better. You don't know what you don't know. And you my friend think that you'll be old and washed up at 30 and let me tell you I wouldn't trade being 40 for being 30. Not a chance. So don't fear it.

 

Best of luck!

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

You're building a life for yourself. Stop with the doom and gloom. Relax. Everything works out the way it's supposed to. Dude - have FUN with it.

 

I knew a lot of girls your age who married military guys really young and had babies right away. Firstly, military guys don't make a lot of money. I knew several who could barely make it through to the next payday. Secondly, if he gets shipped off you would have to move away with him away from your friends and family to some place you'd probably rather not go, like Oklahoma where there isn't a lot of fun stuff to do for someone your age. Then you're stuck eating at Golden Corral buffet with your toddler because money is tight and you can't afford Olive Garden.

 

Lol I was posting something to you then I couldn't send it because someone had replied but I was going to say that being with someone just gives me direction. I was with Andy and he had his life here and job and so when we talked about a future I was going to stay here and be with him. Now it is hard because I have so many options and its scary to not have guidance. I always have someone to guide me and tell me what to do and it is scary to not have that I guess. I do think things happen in due time but it is scary because I have a plan and everything on a timeline and nothing is happening in my time. I just want to be like my friends, and I just wish I knew it is going to happen so I can relax you know?

[curlygirl40]

I have a plan and everything on a timeline and nothing is happening in my time. I just want to be like my friends, and I just wish I knew it is going to happen so I can relax you know?

 

Nothing will ever happen on your time. You need to find a way to let go of that.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Didn't you think it is wise to date when you recently suffered a break up?

 

Unless you just want to get out and flirt a little and maybe have a kiss (this is the phase I think I will be in soon), then I would seriously refrain from a dating type situation.

 

To me, it looks like your too ..... anxious about getting a guy. I agree that sharing your life with a guy can be wonderful, however; it seems to be an unhealthy focus for you... to meet the right guy.

 

I do see where your coming from though.. It IS super fun to flirt and go out with a guy. Hell, I even want to start going it 2 months post break up. But I think you sort of need to take a deep breath and calm the fck down before you go on dates:o

 

Are you able to just enjoy flirting and getting to know guys without the impulse to DATE them?

 

I thought I could, in all honesty I just go out and think about Andy. I know I am not over him but it takes me forever to get over people and I just can't take 6 months to heal from a 2 month relationship you know? I just feel myself getting sad and angry and bitter all over again. I was soooo happy after I graduated and it lasted until like yesterday then I was like "holy **** I am an adult and I don't know what to do with myself" I'm just overwhelmed. Part of me thinks I should be on an anti-anxiety medication sometimes.

Edited May 17, 2013 by ImperfectionisBeauty

[amaysngrace]

Part of me thinks I should be on an anti-anxiety medication sometimes.

 

Is that like a chill pill because if it is I totally agree.

 

You're wound way too tight. That's not exactly fun for anyone to be around.

[Leigh 87]

Imperfect - I know it's really hard, I just got out of a 2and a half year relationship. I lived with him and we were together every day. We planned on getting married.

 

The thing is, life is meant to be lived. We need to figure out things that we can do that will help us move on from the men in our lives. I mean, I am sure as hell not going to sit here and allow my love for my ex to dictate my life for months and months to come.

 

You can accept that you still have strong feelings for a man, and yet still try to move on with your life. Unfortunately, trying to get another man to take away your pain is NOT the answer. It will only serve to remind you how much you want YOU EX.

 

In 2 - 4 months post break up, I am looking to be able to connect with men and flirt and have a little fun..... But in so far as dating goes, your not emotionally ready to let another guy in when your still pining over your ex.

 

You look like you WANT certain things for yourself. You seriously need to tell your therapist how you only seem to cope in life, if you have set plans that you feel are essential to being happy.

 

Who says your friends are happy in their relationships? Who says you need to get into a life long relationship at YOUR young age?

 

Look, finding the right person to spend the rest of your life with IS HARD. I know people who are attractive, intelligent, and generally very appealing women. Yet they take a few partners to find the right one for them.

 

You are trying to accomplish the impossible here. You do not know yourself enough to even KNOW what you want in terms of relationships and dating. Your too weak willed to even give dating a REST when you KNOW it is best for you. You just thrive off having a guy, and will do anything to get one so it seems......

 

You will not go out and find your life long partner yet! You have to finish being young and figure out who you are. This is a banal thing that MANY people here will tell you, but it is so true.

 

Yes I am scared and upset a little a the idea of being alone!!!! I know it will not be forever though, just for now.

 

I much preferred having a loving partner to spend my days with, and it will such at first to lose that... But I need to learn to love life more alone, and just let the right person come along when I am ready for it.

 

TRY NOT to be tempted to go and date just because you want a guy. I want a guy too! It WILL Happen for us, if we work on ourselves, and we put ourselves out there....

 

WE will have friends over the years, parties, get togethers, we will go out to a bar or two, and etc.... There are ample opportunities to meet men in your life, and at your age there is NO rush.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Imperfect - I know it's really hard, I just got out of a 2and a half year relationship. I lived with him and we were together every day. We planned on getting married.

 

The thing is, life is meant to be lived. We need to figure out things that we can do that will help us move on from the men in our lives. I mean, I am sure as hell not going to sit here and allow my love for my ex to dictate my life for months and months to come.

 

You can accept that you still have strong feelings for a man, and yet still try to move on with your life. Unfortunately, trying to get another man to take away your pain is NOT the answer. It will only serve to remind you how much you want YOU EX.

 

In 2 - 4 months post break up, I am looking to be able to connect with men and flirt and have a little fun..... But in so far as dating goes, your not emotionally ready to let another guy in when your still pining over your ex.

 

You look like you WANT certain things for yourself. You seriously need to tell your therapist how you only seem to cope in life, if you have set plans that you feel are essential to being happy.

 

Who says your friends are happy in their relationships? Who says you need to get into a life long relationship at YOUR young age?

 

Look, finding the right person to spend the rest of your life with IS HARD. I know people who are attractive, intelligent, and generally very appealing women. Yet they take a few partners to find the right one for them.

 

You are trying to accomplish the impossible here. You do not know yourself enough to even KNOW what you want in terms of relationships and dating. Your too weak willed to even give dating a REST when you KNOW it is best for you. You just thrive off having a guy, and will do anything to get one so it seems......

 

You will not go out and find your life long partner yet! You have to finish being young and figure out who you are. This is a banal thing that MANY people here will tell you, but it is so true.

 

Yes I am scared and upset a little a the idea of being alone!!!! I know it will not be forever though, just for now.

 

I much preferred having a loving partner to spend my days with, and it will such at first to lose that... But I need to learn to love life more alone, and just let the right person come along when I am ready for it.

 

TRY NOT to be tempted to go and date just because you want a guy. I want a guy too! It WILL Happen for us, if we work on ourselves, and we put ourselves out there....

 

WE will have friends over the years, parties, get togethers, we will go out to a bar or two, and etc.... There are ample opportunities to meet men in your life, and at your age there is NO rush.

 

I'm sorry about your break up, I do need to learn about myself more. My therapist made me come up with a list of things I like about me and what I can offer in a relationship and I had no idea.

[amaysngrace]

I'm sorry about your break up, I do need to learn about myself more. My therapist made me come up with a list of things I like about me and what I can offer in a relationship and I had no idea.

 

You have a bright future. That's a huge one.