joystickd Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I know from my recent experience which I vented about I learned never to change what works for you. I took a whole different approach to dealing with this woman. That was where I failed. I usually focus on the f**k. I do this because it weeds out the time wasters. I give myself a time limit on how long I do things if nothing happens in a certain amount of time its over. I failed to do this because I liked her and in the course of getting to know her developed feelings. I can't do that again. The feelings clouded my mind and took me off what worked for me and has never failed me. What have you learned from your recent dating experiences?
ThaWholigan Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I learned that I would prefer something more than casual, and that I should go for a relationship instead. I also learned that while it's possible to find a GF who wants to come on your journey, it's better to at least complete a good portion of it before looking for an adventure partner . Sometimes it's better to be on your own for a while - even though most of my time has been that way. 4
Author joystickd Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 I learned that I would prefer something more than casual, and that I should go for a relationship instead. I also learned that while it's possible to find a GF who wants to come on your journey, it's better to at least complete a good portion of it before looking for an adventure partner . Sometimes it's better to be on your own for a while - even though most of my time has been that way. It's funny most of my experiences that happened like what happened were when I met someone and thought at some point the could be a GF. Then when I try to have a casual thing these women fall in love with me. I'm still trying to figure out why.
ThaWholigan Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 It's funny most of my experiences that happened like what happened were when I met someone and thought at some point the could be a GF. Then when I try to have a casual thing these women fall in love with me. I'm still trying to figure out why. Inherently bad timing I would assume - not sure why that is but there's usually a karmic lesson in there somewhere that you must look for. Hard to find, but there's still time to get there. 1
Author joystickd Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 Inherently bad timing I would assume - not sure why that is but there's usually a karmic lesson in there somewhere that you must look for. Hard to find, but there's still time to get there. The thing is I'm honest in all these situations. The agree to FWB when they want more I say I like this situation to stay like this and they agree. Only thing I can think of is the feelings. I'm totally not invested in these women I think is the reason
Maleficent Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I learned that through the years I have wasted way too much time and energy on others without getting much in return. So I decided that for the rest of the year at least it was gonna be all about me, me and me. 1
CryForNoOne Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 The thing is I'm honest in all these situations. The agree to FWB when they want more I say I like this situation to stay like this and they agree. Only thing I can think of is the feelings. I'm totally not invested in these women I think is the reason There is a bit more to it than that. I think both men and women want what they can't have, combine that with men are most attractive when they are completely relaxed i.e. don't care and it will seem like you always have "bad timing", when in reality most relationships will be one-sided whether we like it or not...
Author joystickd Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 I also learned that some women are just timewasters. They use the grey areas to their advantage and hate when you put them in a position where they have to be decisive. I will admit I got a little hurt and angry by someone using grey areas on me. I am a believer in being real. If you are clear cut and honest then no problem. I have many times had women say no. It's cool. This biggest frustration is a slow no. You know the one that love the attention you give them until you put them in a put up or shut up position. Then as a man you are angry not because of the rejection but the time wasted on someone that was never really interested in you to begin with. They just loved the attention you gave. The woman that did that to me went so far as saying she liked me, but when backed into a corner with a put up or shut up situation she gave her true feelings. I will admit in my anger I felt like the women on here on some level defended her actions by saying it's ok to have grey areas. For example it's ok to flirt with platonic friends or explaining that like could mean different things. In a way capitalizing on that is manipulative. I understand we all see things differently, but one of the biggest problems with male/female interactions in the grey areas and honesty about your intentions.
El Brujo Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 One thing I learned is that being a guy who isn't after sex, messes up a lot of women's games. They expect to offer sex as a reward; but when they figure out I'm not after that reward, and am only interested in affection, they get very rude and push me away. 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 People will lie. In this case women, lying because they don't want to "hurt your feelings"...
Author joystickd Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 People will lie. In this case women, lying because they don't want to "hurt your feelings"... I know all about that. 1
Chief Wiggum Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Sounds like the OP is butthurt from his nice guy attempt not working.
El Brujo Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Sounds like the OP is butthurt from his nice guy attempt not working. Who hasn't been butthurt from their own attempts not working??? The difference is that some of us don't learn from our mistakes, some of us do, and others (including myself) also learn from the mistakes others have already made.
Bengal Tiger Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 One thing I learned is that being a guy who isn't after sex, messes up a lot of women's games. They expect to offer sex as a reward; but when they figure out I'm not after that reward, and am only interested in affection, they get very rude and push me away. Plenty of women want sex. Plenty of men want affection. Plenty of people want complete affectionate sexual relationships. I've noticed women like to have veto power. Men initiate, women respond. They don't like it if you don't try.
ddc579 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 My number one lesson: trust my instincts. If something feels like a major red flag, it's probably a major red flag. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Be yourself, and don't let anybody push you around. Stand up for what you want, and make sure you get it. Don't obsess about getting it from one source or person, though. If you're not getting what you need from someone or something, look elsewhere. Self-respect and assertiveness are very attractive. 2
El Brujo Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 There is a very real risk, though, that others in the dating world will ostracize you and try to sabotage you to keep from getting a second chance if you come on too strong with the "I just gotta be me" thing. We're not supposed to like individualism in the dating world. Save that stuff for your inventor hobby.
Keenly Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Do not establish a precedent that you will tolerate insane, controlling, demanding behavior, because soon it will be expected. Do not ever let some one else's needs become more important than your own, because this desire to make your mate happy has the potential to be exploited to the point where you are miserable and nothing you ever do will be good enough.
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