bornbroken Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I hurt her emotionally and she had no choice but to end the relationship. I fought for her for a week and we went back and forth via e-mail. I know its not a good idea to fight for a women post break up, however we are both adults and I wanted to acknowledge my mistakes and let her know the steps I was taking to rectify the problems in our relationship. She couldnt take me back, however in her e-mails she kept saying how hurt she was, how much pain she was in, but that she felt so lost without me. She said she cant let her heart have what it wants and she loves me and I will always have her heart. She said she wishes she could just lay in my arms and feel safe again but she knows it cant happen. She said she felt devastated and that the break up was not what she wanted, but it had to happen. So although she was very nice to me in the way she ended the relationship, she also made it very clear that there was no way back. The conversations were very adult and civil and I ended by saying I respected her decision. I have been NC now for 8 days and she hasnt said a word to me, however I cant seem to shift this feeling of false hope! I know its ridiculous because she has made it clear she is not coming back, however I still have this overwhelming sense that she will. Where does this come from?
JourneyLady Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I wish I could tell you. Similar situation from the other end - he attempted to hide the truth from me on a mildly important issue and all I could see was him hiding things in the big issues if he would do that. Plus he has always been selfish and counted his own needs before anyone elses. (This is the 5 year Rs) I broke up with him. Went NC for a period of time because I kept seeing hope in everything he said. NC is over now and although we are not FB "friends", he is reposting some of my public things. We have to email, because there are arrangements to be made for reasons I won't go into here. But yes, I am dealing with the grief all over again, after I thought I had gotten through it. I wish I knew where it comes from so I could stab it in the heart of it and be done with it forever. Moving on is one thing (I almost did). Completely losing hope and forgetting is something else again.
siankat Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 It's a feeling used to help you get through the stages of getting over someone as respectfully as you can because you don't want to mess up if you think there is still a chance to reconcile so you do the right thing, but then gradually you lose hope as you recover and don't need it anymore, and hope is replaced with putting that person and relationship on a shelf. Hope is deactivated once you are over them but i think we need hope during the transition.
Minneloa Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 In my experience, false hope is part of the denial phase, the brain's way of cushioning you from the emotional blow of the breakup. I remember once sitting with a friend at lunch after a breakup, yammering about how my ex and I could maybe get back together a few years down the road. My friend just smiled kindly at me. Now I know that I just couldn't deal with the reality that it was truly over. Sorry you are hurting, OP. Sending good thoughts.
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