maiden71 Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I've been wondering lately. Why do men even get married? It seems most women I know kind of lose their feelings for their husbands after child birth. It's such a familiar story with both the guys I work with and the guys I hang out with. They were so happy until kids came along and then bang! Their wives really don't want much to do with them anymore and most end up eventually having an affair and/or leaving the marriage for another man. Is it true that women marry the first time for kids and the second for love and/or money? It sure seems so.
Ursa Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 It seems you need to reevaluate the crowd you're hanging with. 2
daletom Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Some women are more motivated to have children, than to have a committed relationship and fellowship with a man. And children certainly change both the nature, and the activity, of a marriage. I don't think it's accurate to say women tend to lose their attraction to their husband after children. That perception is naturally due to the added demands, and affection, toward the kids but it doesn't mean her feelings toward her husband have been replaced or canceled. At this point in time I think U.S. society and culture puts an unhealthy amount of emphasis on children, especially since it leaves out emphasis on the more important matters of marriage and family. 3
carhill Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Most of my male friends have been married between 25 and 35 years and, while they may make some off-color humorous comments now and again, most have related to me that they got married and remain married because they believed in and continue to believe in their commitment and their spouse. Most are on their second marriages, so there were no illusions. None have minor children (most have grandchildren) so no kids to 'stay together' for. Staying together for lifestyle could have some traction, but I've never heard that mentioned. Like myself, they apparently believe that a public and legal contract is the appropriate expression of their belief in their commitment and partner. Attraction and love are presumed, as most healthy people enter LTR's as a result of those feelings. Good luck. 2
Woggle Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Men just need to be really careful and make sure he is not the safe guy she settles with. 1
daletom Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 . . . married between 25 and 35 years and, while they may make some off-color humorous comments now and again, most have related to me that they got married and remain married because they believed in and continue to believe in their commitment and their spouse. Most are on their second marriages, so there were no illusions. None have minor children (most have grandchildren) so no kids to 'stay together' for. Staying together for lifestyle could have some traction, but I've never heard that mentioned. Like myself, they apparently believe that a public and legal contract is the appropriate expression of their belief in their commitment and partner. Attraction and love are presumed, as most healthy people enter LTR's as a result of those feelings. It's deflating to realize that I'm close to fitting a stereotype. Coming up on 39 yrs married . . . keeping a list of things my NEXT wife won't (or will) do (and she has a list for her NEXT husband) . . . youngest kid is 25 and 2 of the 3 are married . . . grandkids are in the picture (have I accurately predicted my 5-yr old granddaughter will become an engineer?) . . . yeah, it would probably shake up our extended families if we split but we wouldn't be the first to do it. First marriage (and first sex partner) for both of us so I suppose we might think differently if we had more "experience" but I don't feel a need for experience. She's still an interesting, wonderful person I want to live out my life with. (And, we enjoy pleasurable lovemaking - especially just last night!)
xxoo Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Research shows that marriage is good for men. Men tend to remarry faster than women, too. I think it has something to do with social need. Women usually have the emotional support of other female friends and family members. Outside of a wife, where does the average adult man go for emotional support?
Otty Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Your spot on. Indeed, more and more men aren't getting married because they know it's a bad deal for them. Really, unless you want to have kids, there is no compelling reason to be married. A man can be friends and lovers with a women without all of the legal risks inherent in marriage. Many women today are more than willing to accomodate them.
Quiet Storm Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I'm still in my first marriage. We've been together 22 years. We have three kids. We still are romantic & sexual. I'm still attracted to him. I have never cheated on him. 2
Gunny376 Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I'm still in my first marriage. We've been together 22 years. We have three kids. We still are romantic & sexual. I'm still attracted to him. I have never cheated on him. Just give yourself another year or so. Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated into all of the others Walk-A-Wives/adulterous wives!!!! :lmao:
Quiet Storm Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Just give yourself another year or so. Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated into all of the others Walk-A-Wives/adulterous wives!!!! :lmao: I married for life. I am an honest person. I wouldn't compromise my integrity. I love him and don't hurt the ones I love. I love my family and would never put my kids stability or well being in jeopardy. 3
carhill Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I married for life. I am an honest person. I wouldn't compromise my integrity. I love him and don't hurt the ones I love. I love my family and would never put my kids stability or well being in jeopardy. I saw a lot of this at the dementia facility where spouses cared for a person who had largely forgotten who the spouse was. The key is it takes two; both spouses having a similar perspective about what 'for life' means. To a large degree, role modeling provided me with the perspective I shared regarding marriage, having had parents who were married for life and witnessing the care and love for a dying spouse. The difficult process in my demographic was finding a single lady who shared it. After age 19 or 20, most of them were already married and, by the time future iterations occurred, 'for life' had turned into 'divorced', and that changes things. I see it myself after getting divorced at 50. My exW had been married twice before. I just rented a house to a lady who's been married three times and is otherwise 'normal' for our area. That's just how it goes around here. More and more, absent my close circle of friends, I'm seeing 'shacking up' as the alternative relationship to marriage, and can't imagine doing that. Different strokes, I guess.
Quiet Storm Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I saw a lot of this at the dementia facility where spouses cared for a person who had largely forgotten who the spouse was. The key is it takes two; both spouses having a similar perspective about what 'for life' means. To a large degree, role modeling provided me with the perspective I shared regarding marriage, having had parents who were married for life and witnessing the care and love for a dying spouse. The difficult process in my demographic was finding a single lady who shared it. After age 19 or 20, most of them were already married and, by the time future iterations occurred, 'for life' had turned into 'divorced', and that changes things. I see it myself after getting divorced at 50. My exW had been married twice before. I just rented a house to a lady who's been married three times and is otherwise 'normal' for our area. That's just how it goes around here. More and more, absent my close circle of friends, I'm seeing 'shacking up' as the alternative relationship to marriage, and can't imagine doing that. Different strokes, I guess. Yes, it does take two. My parents and my husbands parents never divorced. Mine had some rough times but stuck it out. Many of our friends are divorced, and its interesting that most of them have parents that are no longer together. I also think some have unrealistic expectations. Marriages ebb & flow. It's not 24/7 romance. You can't depend on a spouse for happiness, it comes from within. 2
secretlady76 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I've been wondering lately. Why do men even get married? It seems most women I know kind of lose their feelings for their husbands after child birth. It's such a familiar story with both the guys I work with and the guys I hang out with. They were so happy until kids came along and then bang! Their wives really don't want much to do with them anymore and most end up eventually having an affair and/or leaving the marriage for another man. Is it true that women marry the first time for kids and the second for love and/or money? It sure seems so. It's a known fact (something to do with nature) that a woman's desire for her man reduces considerably after they have had children. It's almost lilke "Yep, you've done your job now can you just leave me alone but still pay the bills please, oh and tell me how beautiful I am but don't try and get your leg over." Some men are led into a false sense of security at the beginning of the relationship. The girlfriend offers sexual acrobatics to snare her man (duped). Once they're married and had kids, there is no incentive to carry this on. The man is like 'Er, I didn't sign up for marriage and no sex' so the man gets miserable, the wife gets miserable being asked for sex, so the man gives up and then starts looking elsewhere for sexual needs to be met. Then the wife gets into an arse about him looking elsewhere and then divorces him under grounds of adultery and takes a stash of cash with her. On the other hand the wife who is not offering the sex then spots man Number 2 and suddenly finds her sexual appetite again for him, but not the 'I'm done with you' husband. I mean in an ideal world then the man would have a wife and a girlfriend on the side to meet the voids but I think about zilch % of wives would put up with that. In an ideal world some wives would have a husband and a boyfriend to meet the voids as well but again about zilch % of husbands would put up with that either (unless they were allowed to watch ;-o ) It's a bit of a mad situation. Doesn't help that people are living so long now so when you get married you can be stuck with the same person for like, 50 years....that's a loooooonnnnngggg time. So in conclusion I wonder why anyone gets married to be honest (says she who is married!!!)
USMCHokie Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 It's a known fact (something to do with nature) that a woman's desire for her man reduces considerably after they have had children. It's almost lilke "Yep, you've done your job now can you just leave me alone but still pay the bills please, oh and tell me how beautiful I am but don't try and get your leg over." Some men are led into a false sense of security at the beginning of the relationship. The girlfriend offers sexual acrobatics to snare her man (duped). Once they're married and had kids, there is no incentive to carry this on. The man is like 'Er, I didn't sign up for marriage and no sex' so the man gets miserable, the wife gets miserable being asked for sex, so the man gives up and then starts looking elsewhere for sexual needs to be met. Then the wife gets into an arse about him looking elsewhere and then divorces him under grounds of adultery and takes a stash of cash with her. On the other hand the wife who is not offering the sex then spots man Number 2 and suddenly finds her sexual appetite again for him, but not the 'I'm done with you' husband. I've read of prenups that have sex clauses...perhaps that's a solution.
cozycottagelg Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I've been wondering lately. Why do men even get married? It seems most women I know kind of lose their feelings for their husbands after child birth. It's such a familiar story with both the guys I work with and the guys I hang out with. They were so happy until kids came along and then bang! Their wives really don't want much to do with them anymore and most end up eventually having an affair and/or leaving the marriage for another man. Is it true that women marry the first time for kids and the second for love and/or money? It sure seems so. For the sake of arguing, being it a Friday and a slow day at work... Men are so much fun. You meet them and they are so funny and handsome and you do all sorts of really great activities and you have shared interests and everything is so awesome. Then you have kids. Your world has changed. It's wonderful and hard, but rewarding. You have beautiful babies that drive you crazy, but are so cute and at the end of the day, you wouldn't trade it for anything.. Your husbands life hasn't changed much, but all of a sudden, his funny habits and hobbies aren't really funny. They are annoying. You are cleaning up after kids and him. You are a single mom with some small kids, and one large kid. He hasn't changed, he is still the man you fell in love with, the problem is, you've changed. You've aged, you've grown up, and you do so much for those kids that you realize you don't even need your husband. Oh ****. Now what? A husband wants to feel like he is needed. But he isn't doing anything that you can't just do yourself. Children make women realize how much you can put up with, how much you can't, and how strong you and how much you can get done in a single day, only to go to sleep and do it all over again in the morning. Why do we need these husbands again? We ask this. Why is he hanging out with his friends when he could be spending quality time with his kids? I mean, we made some bada$$ kids, they are hilarious and smart and he isn't even hanging out with them. What the hell husbands?? We give up. We find best friends with kids and we hang out with them instead. A women can only accomodate a man for so long before it's like "eh....screw it" I haven't cheated...but I've checked out. I am only one person, I can only do so much, hold so much together, and love so much before I'm just friggen exhausted. Why do women get married?? I swear it's because those white dresses are so freeken pretty! 2
Ursa Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 It's a known fact (something to do with nature) that a woman's desire for her man reduces considerably after they have had children. It's a known fact that approximately 97.4% of "known facts" cited without sources on the internet are pulled wholly out of someone's ass. 1
daletom Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I married for life. I am an honest person. I wouldn't compromise my integrity. I love him and don't hurt the ones I love. I love my family and would never put my kids stability or well being in jeopardy. Yes, it does take two. My parents and my husbands parents never divorced. Mine had some rough times but stuck it out. Many of our friends are divorced, and its interesting that most of them have parents that are no longer together. I also think some have unrealistic expectations. Marriages ebb & flow. It's not 24/7 romance. You can't depend on a spouse for happiness, it comes from within. But at the very least, a good spouse can help keep things in proper perspective while the happiness happens. And a great spouse does even more, without even trying. If it ever happens that both our spouses should come to grief, you have my permission to look me up.
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