NC Day 2 - again

[Hockeyguy19]

So I'm on day 2 of nc, for the second time. I caved last time after 10 days and it was stupid. I'm now back at square one again and the hurt has returned, not as much but it's worse then last week. I don't want her back, she caused way to much hurt over the past month and has said and done things just to make it harder on me, and I allowed it. My fault and I take responsibility as I didn't ignore her or attempt not to see her. I think I just miss having someone, not neccessarily her. It wasn't healthy being with her, I wanted out too, but could never seem to pull the trigger she pulled. She found someone to replace me before she did it, and I guess that's what hurts most. My phone is quiet, to the point where it doesn't go off, and loneliness has sunk in. Should I try to meet someone new or is it too soon? I went on a few casual dates over the past week but it felt awkward and forced, it didnt feel natural. I think I should just accept that I need to be alone and deal with me but I don't know how lol, she's just always on my mind. I wish to God she wasn't. I've managed to stay working, but it's a struggle every day. I have gone out with friends, but I've stayed at my parents instead of my apt over the past few weeks, just feels weird there. I know I'll get through this, I am strong, but right now I don't know where to dig that strength from. LS has gotten me through this past 6 weeks since the BU and I love all of you for the support, I'm pretty much on here 24/7 so thank you everyone

[california15]

ah the silent phone. If you read my story from 2 years ago I struggled with that, and now I'm revisiting that struggle with an ended friendship. Sucks. Even the second time around. Its survivable though! The phone will only bother you a short time. But in the meantime, turn it off. If you can't, Put it on silent. Put it away. Out of sight out of mind. Put it in your bedroom and then go hang out in the living room or outside or whatever.

 

I don't think you're ready to find someone else. Depends on you though. My one friend says "the best way to get over one guy is to get under another" which is totally 100% not the way I approach things. I'd like to not meet guys with emotional relationship baggage potentially interfereing. If you're looking to meet a few people as a way of getting out of the house, not looking for a relationship, then yes get out there and meet girls if it helps you. (although I warn against needing constant female attention to solely support self esteem)

 

If you want a companion or a relationship or something meaningful, then no I don't think you're ready. You have to be your own healthy person before you can be a person for someone else. And you don't want to be one of those people who constantly has to have someone in order to be happy. It's not a smart idea to have your happiness rely on something so unpredictable.

 

Don't find love to be happy. Find happiness, and then love will come.

[Hockeyguy19]

ah the silent phone. If you read my story from 2 years ago I struggled with that, and now I'm revisiting that struggle with an ended friendship. Sucks. Even the second time around. Its survivable though! The phone will only bother you a short time. But in the meantime, turn it off. If you can't, Put it on silent. Put it away. Out of sight out of mind. Put it in your bedroom and then go hang out in the living room or outside or whatever.

 

I don't think you're ready to find someone else. Depends on you though. My one friend says "the best way to get over one guy is to get under another" which is totally 100% not the way I approach things. I'd like to not meet guys with emotional relationship baggage potentially interfereing. If you're looking to meet a few people as a way of getting out of the house, not looking for a relationship, then yes get out there and meet girls if it helps you. (although I warn against needing constant female attention to solely support self esteem)

 

If you want a companion or a relationship or something meaningful, then no I don't think you're ready. You have to be your own healthy person before you can be a person for someone else. And you don't want to be one of those people who constantly has to have someone in order to be happy. It's not a smart idea to have your happiness rely on something so unpredictable.

 

Don't find love to be happy. Find happiness, and then love will come.

 

I have kept my phone on silent now for the past few days, it's been interesting. I keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel but it's hard to find, it's like falling in a dark hole and not knowig which way is up. My phone has been attached to me for so long it's hard to put it away. I know it won't be her texting, Facebooking or emailing and I've come to accept that. Everyone keeps telling me go out and just bang someone new, but I'm not like that either, I want to feel that connection, that spark. I want that connection, the texting or talking until all hours of the night, she has that, I don't. I hate to compare, but she went from me to him and nothing changed for her, she is very happy (or so she portrays) but it doesn't matter what she's doing, I know that. She's no longer my problem, my worry or in my life. I think I am looking for that self esteem boost, that feeling that a woman wants me. I have one I'm talking to that does, but I feel nothing and I know she's not someone I want to date or be with. I need to find that happiness on my own, your right. I can't have my happiness relying on a woman, maybe that's why I'm currently just attracting attention from the wrong woman. How have some of you handled being alone? How can I be okay alone? I'm a little older and feel that my time is running out on finding that perfect girl, and I don't even know where to start looking, thank you again for all the advice people

[Ale khun]

It's hard to process a BU specially when it wasn't your decision , we miss that spark that companionship , and the feeling of been important and loved by someone , it hard and it sucks , what I missed the most after my BU was the constant communication with him the texts and long phone calls , my phone was my worst enemy and a constant source of anxiety . Now that doesn't hurt that much because I don't allow my emotions to take control over my actions and this is a long process . Just days after my BU I went out in a date -do not attempt- I felt awkward , sad , I was looking for that spark that connection I had with him , I was just fooling myself !IMO , going out with someone new , just makes you miss and compare your ex .the time will come when u feel ready to be back in the dating world , now about being alone , sometimes I hate to be alone because I think of all the memories and good moments but I have to accept the idea that he is no longer in my life and that this soon will end if I really want to . So every time I have an anxious moment or I feel like I'm about to contact him i repeat this to myself " if I allow my emotions to control my actions Im going to need another action to control my emotions " ex .. If I call him I'm going to feel like s..it and then I'm going to need to do somthing to stop feeling like s..it (awkward maybe ) but this really helps me a lot , that's why I do strongly believe in NC , so don't feel bad or alone this it's just "a phase " but you really have to want to get over it , don't date for now rely in your friends and family . And every time you are about to contact her think if you really need the pain that follows

Edited May 16, 2013 by Ale khun

[Hockeyguy19]

It's hard to process a BU specially when it wasn't your decision , we miss that spark that companionship , and the feeling of been important and loved by someone , it hard and it sucks , what I missed the most after my BU was the constant communication with him the texts and long phone calls , my phone was my worst enemy and a constant source of anxiety . Now that doesn't hurt that much because I don't allow my emotions to take control over my actions and this is a long process . Just days after my BU I went out in a date -do not attempt- I felt awkward , sad , I was looking for that spark that connection I had with him , I was just fooling myself !IMO , going out with someone new , just makes you miss and compare your ex .the time will come when u feel ready to be back in the dating world , now about being alone , sometimes I hate to be alone because I think of all the memories and good moments but I have to accept the idea that he is no longer in my life and that this soon will end if I really want to . So every time I have an anxious moment or I feel like I'm about to contact him i repeat this to myself " if I allow my emotions to control my actions Im going to need another action to control my emotions " ex .. If I call him I'm going to feel like s..it and then I'm going to need to do somthing to stop feeling like s..it (awkward maybe ) but this really helps me a lot , that's why I do strongly believe in NC , so don't feel bad or alone this it's just "a phase " but you really have to want to get over it , don't date for now rely in your friends and family . And every time you are about to contact her think if you really need the pain that follows

 

I have been trying to control my emotions and think positive because you are right, only I can pull myself through this, no one else. Support helps big time but it's taking that advice to heart and using it. I did and do find myself comparing the other woman to her, and it's unfair to them and to me. When the date goes bad, or doesn't work out how I expected it to, I feel like ass again and the old feelings return, just like you said. I think I need to steer clear from dating until I'm over her and can accept me for who I am. I want to get over her, I really do. I don't want her back, not after how she made me feel and her actions. I just need to let her go from my mind, that's the hard part

[Ale khun]

I have been trying to control my emotions and think positive because you are right, only I can pull myself through this, no one else. Support helps big time but it's taking that advice to heart and using it. I did and do find myself comparing the other woman to her, and it's unfair to them and to me. When the date goes bad, or doesn't work out how I expected it to, I feel like ass again and the old feelings return, just like you said. I think I need to steer clear from dating until I'm over her and can accept me for who I am. I want to get over her, I really do. I don't want her back, not after how she made me feel and her actions. I just need to let her go from my mind, that's the hard part

 

It's hard and it hurts like hell to let go but nothing is impossible . Right now there's no words of wisdom or magic pill that can take that pain away( I wish there was) all we can do its to learn from that pain and ensure that we will never return to that place again . I know what you are feeling because I feel the same and it really sucks but lets try to live one day at the time .

[Hockeyguy19]

Thank you for kind words ale, I am taking it one hour, one day at a time. It's a terrible pain and I wish it on no one. But it's very slowly getting better!

[Minneloa]

Hockeyguy,

 

I don't have any magic words of advice, but I just wanted to stop by and wish you well.

 

I'm sorry you are in pain. And I am very glad that you are taking steps to reclaim your life.

 

Keep posting here; you are not alone in your struggle and journey.

 

Sending good thoughts!

 

M.

[aisuru]

I'm sorry you feel so lonely right now. I understand.

 

Do you have any hobbies or interest? Anything that gets you out of the house? You might need to fill that hole within you she used to occupy with other activities that are of interest to you.

 

It's so hard to not allow somebody to create this big spot within ourselves when inevitably they leave and we feel lost and forlorn. Time to fill yourself up with good stuff for YOU.

 

I promise you will get through this. It sounds like you already recognize some of this might be loneliness, not just about her. I understand. You're not alone.

 

So what are you going to do to alleviate that?

[Hockeyguy19]

Hockeyguy,

 

I don't have any magic words of advice, but I just wanted to stop by and wish you well.

 

I'm sorry you are in pain. And I am very glad that you are taking steps to reclaim your life.

 

Keep posting here; you are not alone in your struggle and journey.

 

Sending good thoughts!

 

M.

 

You guys are my biggest support group right now, always here for support and a good kick in the ass. It gets me through the day knowing that I'm not alone, and that I will be okay. Thank you so much.

[Hockeyguy19]

I'm sorry you feel so lonely right now. I understand.

 

Do you have any hobbies or interest? Anything that gets you out of the house? You might need to fill that hole within you she used to occupy with other activities that are of interest to you.

 

It's so hard to not allow somebody to create this big spot within ourselves when inevitably they leave and we feel lost and forlorn. Time to fill yourself up with good stuff for YOU.

 

I promise you will get through this. It sounds like you already recognize some of this might be loneliness, not just about her. I understand. You're not alone.

 

So what are you going to do to alleviate that?

 

I golf in the summer, and I joined a baseball team prior to the breakup so I do have things to get me out of the house. Golf course opened today (I live north of the boarder, we had snow last week lol) I have a gym membership, I haven't gone much lately but I know I should go back, I enjoy staying active. I'm trying to keep my day pretty full, it's the nights and mornings that are killer. Once those start getting easier, I'll know a bigger step has been taken. I will get through this, I'm a fighter and I will not let this defeat me. The loneliness does suck, horribly bad, but that too will slowly pass. LS has kept me from feeling completely alone, you guys and gals actually get it.

[Ale khun]

I golf in the summer, and I joined a baseball team prior to the breakup so I do have things to get me out of the house. Golf course opened today (I live north of the boarder, we had snow last week lol) I have a gym membership, I haven't gone much lately but I know I should go back, I enjoy staying active. I'm trying to keep my day pretty full, it's the nights and mornings that are killer. Once those start getting easier, I'll know a bigger step has been taken. I will get through this, I'm a fighter and I will not let this defeat me. The loneliness does suck, horribly bad, but that too will slowly pass. LS has kept me from feeling completely alone, you guys and gals actually get it.

 

Some days are difficult , others its like a piece of cake , . Once we recognize the true source of our pain it gradually goes away , I was thinking about this this morning it's our mind who it's really making us feel sad and anxious , not him/her our own thoughts are the biggest enemies so let's try to keep them quiet . Trust me you are not alone on this journey there are a lot of people trying to survive one hour one day a week at the time , stay positive my friend and remember this its just a bad phase but this will go away .

[Kay_29]

just cry, shout, yell but get the hurt and anger out of your system cause your still beating yourself up....... a year from now you'll have gotten over her, your going through the motions right now and this is normal.... your gonna feel lonely for a while time will heal whatever your going through.. so much more to live for than sulking over someone who doesnt share the same feelings for you.. RELEASE... and let go. (easier said than done) but you can do it and in that process your more likely to come across someone new..... release babes you got this!!!

[Hockeyguy19]

Definitely agree it's our minds that cause the most pain, not the dumper. I wish I can just turn it off at times but it's impossible at times to just shut it off. I keep telling myself when she comes into my head that she doesn't deserve my thoughts or pain anymore, it's working just a little bit. I'm so angry with her and its tough to release her, I keep thinking she'll come crawling back but I don't want her to, she's toxic, unhealthy for me. I'll find someone better someday, I just hope sooner than later.