drew_meister Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I met a girl on OKC who really fell for me. The feeling was mutual actually, but I may have ruined a good thing. After two dates we were already talking about being exclusive. We acted like teenagers and talked for hours and hours between dates. She told me she never met anyone like me and that I wowed her in the best way possible. But after our third date, while inquiring more about me, I revealed that I was recently divorced and had kids. Although I didn't lie, she felt I allowed things to get way too serious before revealing. She was upset and hurt and told me she never wanted to see me again. My situation is not that simple because my ex took my kids to another country without my consent. I'm still in contact with them so it's not abduction but it is a mess and makes dating and my life very difficult at times. Women run away whether I reveal immediately or withhold for a bit. I can't tell you how many times I've heard the "You aren't ready for a relationship" speech... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/383528-i-m-father-without-kids-dating-sucks Anyway, I continued texting trying to convince her to see me again. After a few days, she eventually she agreed but an hour before that date she backed out. This went on a bit longer before she told me she needed to move on because she was "relatively happy" before she met me but now she is "sad and confused" all the time. I agreed as our rapport felt like a LTR trying to reconcile, not early dating. But I couldn't stop thinking about her so I messaged her again last week. It took her a day to respond. First she was angry "What do you want from me???" but all the while I've known that any kind of response means something. Finally she asked to talk on the phone and then came a total change of tune. She told me she had some time to process everything, and that she overreacted and knew I didn't do anything to intentionally hurt her. She admitted she still "really really" liked me and couldn't completely let go. She said she was "extremely happy" when she saw my text, though she was still upset. So more than anything, she decided to go with her initial reaction and "follow her heart". The honeymoon stage resumed over the next few days and through most of our fourth date on Saturday. She kissed me when I picked her up for our date, we held hands in the car, and it wasn't long before we were making out in public. It was as if nothing happened. She came back to my place as things got more intimate but right before intercourse, she freaked out and asked me to take her home. It was awkward the next day. I drove over to her place late Sunday night and we talked about it. She said her emotions got the best of her. When we had agreed to "start over", we talked about taking things slowly, but we did anything but that on our date. We talked and made out again so I felt we left things on a good note. She initiated contact with me on Monday by text but it ended very quickly when she didn't respond to my reply. She initiated the text exchange Tuesday and this exchange lasted a bit longer. I asked her what she was wearing and she sent a sexy pic with her shirt off and just her bra. She also told me that she only sleeps in the nude with the man she loves, and that maybe one day I'd be lucky enough to do that with her. BUT at the same time I sensed she was being distant. Yesterday I initiated the text exchange in the afternoon but again one reply and nothing after that. I texted her late last night "Miss ya" and she replied after I feel asleep "Sweet dreams..." I'm trying to figure out where we stand now. Is the ball in my court to ask her out again? I feel like our connection if fading but more because she is no longer reciprocating - but perhaps she feels the same way? I was planning to ask her out again during one of our normal lengthy text exchanges or phone conversations but things have gotten awkward again and that isn't happening. I'm not sure what she's feeling right now and what to do next...
CryForNoOne Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 It sounds to me like she is having a hard time trusting you. She obviously is still interested in you, but as someone who has trust issues myself, I don't know how or if you can "fix" things. Just ask her out again. 1
Tinie Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 What the heck is her problem? How does having kids and being a divorcee automatically make you non-datable material? Provided you've given enough time to distance yourself from your previous marriage to ensure this new girl is not some rebound girl, I don't see why she should be making a problem of something that needs not be a problem. 2
todreaminblue Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 i dont think your situation is abnormal today unfortunately....many single fathers and mothers out in the world....many broken relationships...and most of the time it isnt done lightly or without consideration or hardship.as long as you are over your ex than it shouldnt be a concern ...i dont understand how two dates is too late to tell, that is pretty good in my opinion six months might have been problematic.....or did you directly lie when asked......... just ask her out.......and see how it goes...i hope it works out for you.....good luck....deb
Star Gazer Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 What the heck is her problem? How does having kids and being a divorcee automatically make you non-datable material? Being divorced with kids doesn't make you non-datable... ...lying about being never married and not having kids does. 1
Lani Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I think the issue is that by not mentioning the kids and divorce she had assumed there was no baggage associated with you. She probably thought 'I'm onto a winner! This guy is great, and no kids or ex wives to deal with.' And then you dropped it on her. It's not a biggie, and I'm sure she'll get over it, it's just that she needs time to adjust to that. She still likes you, otherwise there would be no contact at all (or very little). You do need to ask her out though. Do something really nice for her, like take her somewhere she loves (theatre, dancing, art exhibition) or whatever. Really sweep her off her feet.
ja123 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I think the issue is that by not mentioning the kids and divorce she had assumed there was no baggage associated with you. She probably thought 'I'm onto a winner! This guy is great, and no kids or ex wives to deal with.' And then you dropped it on her. I think that people who are divorced with kids should mention that on their OLD profiles, why hide it?
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