DanielStone Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Well, if any of you have happened to have seen my other post, you'll know that I am a fairly confident guy, regularly outgoing, good friendship circle... But with just one problem, I just don't seem to get anywhere with women? I am an 18 year old student from London and am a BIG guy. Not fat, just 6'4, big broad shoulders, chubby side... Slightly over weight I guess which I find very hard to shift due to medical problems but they don't really matter! Anyways, I am a fairly confident guy in most aspects but lately I've been down on confidence when it comes to women, mainly because they expect too much of me if we first met over the internet (Big fan of Facebook, Twitter ext) or just don't seem interested in me when it comes to meeting in real life. My good friend is a personal stylist so for a few months helped me get my style right and made me look good, which is always a good confidence booster, but it still didn't really seem to help! I kinda put it down to my looks and the fact I'm slightly over weight.. After all my generation is one of the shallowest generations going! But someone suggested it may be what I actually do when I approach women... I never really thought I was doing anything wrong myself but what do you guys think? Usually I'll meet people in bars or clubs and I always put on a confident front (Even though I never feel very confident at all talking to women lately) because thats what women are big on! Confidence! I always offer to buy them a drink (Well, depending on the location) I pay them compliments, try to make them laugh, ask THEM questions about themselves (Since thats all women really like to talk about... Themselves ) But it usually ends in me not getting a number at all or getting a fake one... The odd time I do actually talk to them after, 1st date is just a bit **** really and it never goes any further.. So, what do you guys think I'm doing wrong? Any tips? Advice? PLEASE! Haha Chow -Dan
Treasa Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Can you try meeting girls at other places? Bars and clubs aren't really my thing. What are your hobbies? Also, I wish you were 20 years older. You sound like my type.
Author DanielStone Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 (edited) Can you try meeting girls at other places? Bars and clubs aren't really my thing. What are your hobbies? Also, I wish you were 20 years older. You sound like my type. Well, my hobbies aren't exactly women friendly I suppose... I'm huge on football, have been since I was a little boy! My friends and I are at a game nearly every weekend, so don't really meet too many women there! I'm currently studying 'Aeronautical Engineering' and hope to go on and do a Master Degree and possibly a PhD in Aerospace or Aeronautical Engineering, so again, not many women there! I'm into things like Cars and Motorbikes and the women you usually meet at these kind of events aren't really my type... So really, I actually find it quite hard to meet women anywhere other than bars and clubs ect ... Edited May 16, 2013 by DanielStone
Author DanielStone Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 Also, to all the ladies out there! How do you like to be asked for your number? For a guy to literally just say, can I have your number? Or something a bit more like 'So, maybe I can call you some time?'
CryForNoOne Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Also, to all the ladies out there! How do you like to be asked for your number? For a guy to literally just say, can I have your number? Or something a bit more like 'So, maybe I can call you some time?' Not a lady, but this is how I usually ask and haven't been turned down in years... I hand them my phone and say: "Let's continue this conversation..." "I'd like to see you again.." "What's your number?" If they are interested or on the fence, they are impressed by my confidence and directness. Even if they aren't interested, they'll give me their REAL number, as they wouldn't risk the embarrassment of me calling them on the spot and discovering it was fake. But what's most important for me is that I'm gauging their response. When I catch them off guard like that, I can really read their interest level in me. I always know if I should call them or not. I don't know about the ones I never called, but with the ones I do call, I get a date about 90% of the time so I'm doing something right...
Ursa Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I would prefer the "Maybe I can call you sometime?" Personally I am a little introverted so I prefer to text, IM or message someone the first few times--although if we are compatible that should progress fairly quickly to real phone conversations, I like to hear a man's tone and voice, and feel that he should want to speak directly to me too if he's growing more and more interested in me. Texting too long turns into kind of a cop-out. Anyway, it's hard to know what you're doing "wrong." The fact is that you're quite young and you're simply going to strike out a lot over the years and it doesn't necessarily say anything terribly negative about you, it's all a numbers game. I hope you won't let it shatter your confidence. You seem personable and said you've gotten your style together and that's really half the battle. Bars and clubs are an easy way to be exposed to a high volume of women, but they might not be the women you are really looking to meet. Young women in bars and clubs are under a constant barrage and might have high deflective shields up while they are looking for just one specific thing, try not to take that personally. There's no need to give up your own hobbies, but you might want to consider expanding them and finding girls who move in circles you find more personally engaging. At your age, it's usually easiest to meet women in school. There might not be many in your particular field, but surely there are still young women on campus, in other classes or clubs or at lectures. Two things stand out: somebody who knows you personally has suggested there might be something off in your approach. Now, somebody who has seen you in action is likely to have a clearer picture of what's going on, so THAT is the person you should probably be talking to, rather than a bunch of strangers who have only seen you representing yourself in a typeface medium. Don't just take one person's word for it, though, ask a few people and try to take a balanced, objective look at all their different input. Take it all with a grain of salt but listen to it objectively all the same, even if it hurts a bit. Also, the other thing, I couldn't help but wonder what you meant when you said women 'expect too much of you' when they first meet you online. Are you trying to say that you make a good first impression through virtual media, but they are dissapointed IRL? Again, that suggests that someone who knows you personally is seeing something that we are not. FWIW, just a little bit overweight has never been a big deal for me or many of the women I know. A lot of women orefer what some might call a big "teddy bear".
Author DanielStone Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 Ursa: Let's start with meeting girls at College... From the way you spoke and the vernacular you used I'm going to assume you're from either Canada or the US... In which case, our college is very different to yours! It's half way between your High School and University.. Colleges over here are catered towards people ages 16-19 then University is where we go to get our actual Degrees such as a Masters or PhD.. Most people at UK colleges are fairly immature and it works in a way that you're only going to see the people that take your classes... Hard to explain but meeting other people at a UK College is very very difficult unless they're in your class or are a friend of a friend.. When I hit University it'll become a lot easier! In regards to people expecting too much of me... The best way to put it is that I am fairly photogenic and seem to look a lot better in pictures than I do in real life, so my looks are some what downgraded when people actually meet me... Also, I find it a hell of a lot easier talking to people via IM or text or something similar because I don't have to think on the spot, I'm not really sure why but I am much better at talking to women online than IRL.. Hence why I meet more people online than I get numbers in real life!
hppr Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Well, my hobbies aren't exactly women friendly I suppose... I'm huge on football, have been since I was a little boy! My friends and I are at a game nearly every weekend, so don't really meet too many women there! I'm currently studying 'Aeronautical Engineering' and hope to go on and do a Master Degree and possibly a PhD in Aerospace or Aeronautical Engineering, so again, not many women there! I'm into things like Cars and Motorbikes and the women you usually meet at these kind of events aren't really my type... So really, I actually find it quite hard to meet women anywhere other than bars and clubs ect ... It sounds like you have a lot going for you and just aren't meeting the right girls or don't 'get' the club scene. The best thing I can come up with is to hang out with guys who do well at those places and watch what they do if you want to go that route. Also might help us to see a pic of you sometimes that can explain a lot.
Author DanielStone Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 Well, I don't know... My type of girl isn't the completely glammed up, full make up, tiny dress kinda girl... I know thats the first thing you think of when you think of a Club, however, around where I live there are a few clubs and bars that attract slightly less glammed up girls and those are the girls I like and go for, so the places I go attract the girls I like! I suppose it could be I just don't get the club scene but I don't know what else to do...
buzzie2 Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Why don't you join a gym? You say that you are overweight, so what better way to get in shape plus maybe meeting someone? I think you would have a better chance meeting a nice girl at the gym than at the bar. Atleast this way you will have something in common with them and you would see them on a regular basis.
Author DanielStone Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 Why don't you join a gym? You say that you are overweight, so what better way to get in shape plus maybe meeting someone? I think you would have a better chance meeting a nice girl at the gym than at the bar. Atleast this way you will have something in common with them and you would see them on a regular basis. I am a member of a gym and go regularly, but like I said, I have medical issues which make it hard for me to lose weight... Just to put it out there as well, I'm not looking to gain muscle, I'm looking to get fit and lose weight! So being fairly unfit and over weight which I find hard to shift, looking like a sweaty rag doll from being in the gym and all the women my age and my type in my gym being a lot fitter and in better shape than me... I really don't think I'm going to find anyone that way!
Recommended Posts