SimonSerenade Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 (edited) So I got back with my ex girlfriend last night, we've been together for a year ad a half, not going to go in a lot of detail about it, she dumped me claiming I was too jealous and she couldn't deal with things getting as serious at that, i love her, I just desperately want to trust her, she says certain things and they don't seem to stick, she's made me promises and hasn't kept them, I wish I was strong so it didn't bother me, I think when she made the promises I was in a pretty emotional state and took them to heart so it could be the smallest promise but it would still break my trust for her just based on the fact that she broke a promise, I geuss my question is, how do I get to a place where I'm above that sort of thing and don't let it bother me?, in the past I've made the mistake of making her feel like she was my possession rather than the love of my life, it bothers me that she uses Facebook and it bothers me that she has A LOT of guy friends on there, initially this never bothered me unless she was talking to her ex boyfriends but at one point she had me her old phone and left some saved messages on there by accident, a month before se got together she was sex texting a guy and there was another guy who was asking to meet up with her because he really liked her, my heart sunk and since then I can't feel indifferent like I used to, I just picture guys like that talking to her and it drives me crazy, I don't want to lose her again, how do I get passed this?, I don't want to bother her with it and I want her to do whatever it is her heart desires because I love her and hold a lot of respect up for her despite broken promises, I just don't want this sort of stuff to bother me anymore, it's become a problem and its majorly affecting an otherwise very admirable personality. Edited May 16, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
crederer Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 How did you manage to get back with her? Just curious because I've seen some of your old posts and I honestly did not expect this to happen.
Author SimonSerenade Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 I was shocked myself but I had my first real moment of weakness and called her and opened up to her, told her I loved her and was finding it too hard to be without her, she said she was finding it really hard too and it seemed at first like she was fighting with herself to wether or not we should try again and we just decided to try again, felt like I was the more happier one out of the 2 of us so I'm not going to get my hopes up on her staying for good.
crederer Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 (edited) Good stuff. My advice would not to act more into it than her, but at the same time be true to who you are (after all, who you are is the guy she missed and had a hard time without). Also, the texting stuff she did, yeah that's not cool at all... You gotta make it clear that is unacceptable, and oh god man I didn't even read that the first time around. Why do you want to be with her? I'm not saying you shouldn't just you obviously don't trust her. You will have to work on that or this relationship is doomed. Good luck man, I'm pulling for you. Edited May 16, 2013 by crederer More to add
aisuru Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Stop acting like a knucklehead. There is no room for jealousy or insecurities in a relationship. You both will have to set some boundaries, but that does not include telling her she can't talk to guys, even if their ex boyfriends. This is where you decide what you're okay with and what you need to cope better with. She's with you. She obviously cares about you to come back a second time. If you don't get a grasp of your insecurities (both of you if applicable), you're just gonna fall down the rabbit hole again, a lot farther and a lot harder. For now, you need to create the aura of this is a new relationship. You don't get to be jealous and you don't get to tell her when you're jealous. If you get jealous and can't hide it, you tell her you'll see her the next day until you can get a grip. I leave you with this: "When you act out of fear you create a fear-based relationship, and when you act out of love you create a love-based relationship. It is this simple." 4
aisuru Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Good stuff. My advice would not to act more into it than her, but at the same time be true to who you are (after all, who you are is the guy she missed and had a hard time without). Also, the texting stuff she did, yeah that's not cool at all... You gotta make it clear that is unacceptable, and oh god man I didn't even read that the first time around. Why do you want to be with her? I'm not saying you shouldn't just you obviously don't trust her. You will have to work on that or this relationship is doomed. Good luck man, I'm pulling for you. I read it as the texting stuff she did with boys was BEFORE the relationship with Simon.
Author SimonSerenade Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 Thank you for the advice it means a lot, it's hard to be mad at her when she's had to put up with my insecurities like that, just want to make a fresh start of it now, I know it's not natural to feel like this so I've got to work very hard on it, think now I've realised how I was with her, it makes it easier to understand and fix or at least work around it, she's never had a problem with me talking to women, as for the exs she doesn't really talk to them as none of her relationships ended all that well, just bugs me to see them on her friends list is all, she is quite considerate so I doubt she would truly do anything that she knows would make me really uncomfortable so I appreciate her for that, I'm lucky to get another chance so I'm not going to waste it being jealous and petty, much rather see her hanging round with guys knowing she's with me than the othe way around, that would be horrible o.0
Author SimonSerenade Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 I read it as the texting stuff she did with boys was BEFORE the relationship with Simon. She said it was yeah, the messages was saved as one huge message with no dates or times in between, only the start to the end of it unfortunately and it ran a month into our relationship, that's what worried me but it turned from sex texting to regular texting, apparently he was having a hard time so I don't blame her for talking to him, just worried she was still talking to him in a naughty way when we first started going out, would of made a little uncomfortable either way if she was still talking to him after talking to him like that but I could accept that, just wouldn't be able to accept it if she was cheating on me even if it was in word form.
aisuru Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 You know, she could have been behaving a little naughty in your early days. Not uncommon for men and women. I had 3 or 4 guys I was casually (some dirty) talking to when I met my last boyfriend. I eventually sent the message, either literally or by ignoring, that my attention was elsewhere. People do that in the early days of dating somebody because they likely were single for awhile and they're not sure what direction you're going and realistically, your feelings aren't as intense. You gotta cut her some slack.
Author SimonSerenade Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 Your probably right, just thankful were talking about texts rather than actions, I think these sort of things are just foreign to me as I've never been one to do anything like that, only ever had long term relationships since I turned 17 so not really sure how to act or react to anything and when I've been out of relationships I've just been focused on work with some video gaming on the side, I'm a bit old fashioned so when I like someone tend to all them in a different more respectful way, I'll be stuffed if she ever left me again, I used to use video games as a way to escape from the pain of breakups from time to time but man..... This generation of video games sucks ass
aisuru Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Well definitely stop hiding in video games! Get a life outside of your girlfriend and video games. Find some new hobbies that expose you to other people and give you something to do.
Author SimonSerenade Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 I don't play them anymore, that was my point lol I ether outgrew them or they just suck ass now, I don't get much time for hobbies, I have a child with a previous ex so spend most of my time with my little boy, other than that hang around with my family quite a bit, so thankfully I've got all sorts of stuff occupying my mind, I get you mean though, I could probably do with taking a night class here and there and introduce myself to something new.
Recommended Posts