Sunshine87 Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Hi all, So I met a nice looking guy on Sunday. He is rather attractive, very intelligent, fantastic job, tall, handsome etc. I am so cautious because of this. I know he gets lots of female attention etc. Anyway, I met him on Sunday and we spoke a bit but he didn't get my phone number. However, he called my friend ( who is friends with HIS best friend) to get my number. She gave it to him on Tuesday morning and he called me on Tuesday night. But I didn't pick. He called again and then sent a text. I called him back two hours later and we spoke for about 20mins. He called on Wednesday afternoon but I didn't pick. I called him later and he called me back and we spoke. He suggested that we hang out togeher on Friday night as his friends were coming in from another town. I told him i was travelling on Friday evening. This afternoon, he sent me a message asking if he could stop by before attending a function today because he wanted to see me before I travel. I said it was cool. He asked if seven was cool and I said na, 7.30pm. The question is this: Having read tons of stories on Loveshack etc, I think he is the typical Alpha male. He is goodlooking and he knows it. He is also very intelligent and has a well paid job. This makes me a bit nervous because I don't want to act like I'm too interested. He probably has many girls chasing him etc. Very typical where I currently live. I don't want to play games either but at the same time I'm trying to be really really really careful. So how do I strike the right balance between being friendly but a bit guarded but ensuring I don't come across as unfriendly. So far, he as initiated all conversations. Men are usually really keen at the start aren't they? He seems SO confident and that's what makes me so confused. Lol
Els Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I think you're erring way too far on the side of caution (paranoia?) here. Purposefully not picking up calls? C'mon. The balance should entail reciprocation. You shouldn't be calling him multiple times in a row or sending multiple unanswered texts, but I don't think you need to act like a scared rabbit either. That being said, I would be very wary of a guy who pursues THAT relentlessly with so little reciprocation. To me, that means that he is either very smitten by you, or a very practiced player who wants something. Given that you've only known each other for a few days, I'm betting on #2. Good luck, at any rate. 1
Treasa Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I don't think you should go into it with preconceived notions. I think he's made a lot of effort to try to see you. I think you should be friendly and be yourself. Be as natural as possible. Be friendly, don't try too hard to be one exteme (haughty) or another (needy). He's not your future husband, nor is he someone who is going to hurt you. It's too early to really know. Just have fun and don't worry about the outcome.
sillyanswer Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I don't want to play games either but at the same time I'm trying to be really really really careful. So how do I strike the right balance between being friendly but a bit guarded but ensuring I don't come across as unfriendly. This was looking good until "but". How do you feel? Act that way, and then it's not an act.
nerd Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Have you read your post? All you've been doing is games. If you don't want to play them, stop!
Star Gazer Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 (edited) I think you're erring way too far on the side of caution (paranoia?) here. Purposefully not picking up calls? . I'm curious how you reached the conclusion that her not picking up the phone was purposeful...? That being said, I would be very wary of a guy who pursues THAT relentlessly with so little reciprocation. To me, that means that he is either very smitten by you, or a very practiced player who wants something. Given that you've only known each other for a few days, I'm betting on #2. Also confused how you determined that he was so relentless and it wasn't reciprocated. He called. She called him back. He called again. She called him back. Bizarre conclusions being reached here. Edited May 16, 2013 by Star Gazer
Treasa Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I'm curious how you reached the conclusion that her not picking up the phone was purposeful...? I inferred the same thing, because the OP wrote she didn't pick up, not that she wasn't home. I could be wrong, of course. 1
Els Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 She said she did not pick up. Usually when you miss someone's call, don't you say that you missed it, not that you didn't pick up? She is welcome to clarify. 2
MidwestUSA Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I assumed the same thing, a deliberate act. Otherwise, why mention the phone tag at all? "We spoke on Tuesday, and again on Wednesday" would have sufficed. I actually read into it that she was afraid to pick up. Go figure, I have an active imagination. (And "games" came to mind as well) 1
Imajerk17 Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 (edited) Aren't you the same girl who got all offended because a guy said you were "good-looking"? I think the whole obsessing about the phone-tag thing on this thread is just the typical LS overanalysing we all do around here, including myself. It's perfectly fine to not pick up the phone from an impromptu phone call because you aren't ready or in the mood to talk. You and he spoke in the end. It's cool. My point is to stop overthinking things. Show up for the date and have fun. Edited May 16, 2013 by Imajerk17
Babolat Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 The only red flag I read was "asking if he could stop by before attending a function today". Is this a date or is he stopping by your home, your work, other, to "hang out"? He needs to ask you out on a date, not just "stop by". Just my 2 cents.
Author Sunshine87 Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 (edited) She said she did not pick up. Usually when you miss someone's call, don't you say that you missed it, not that you didn't pick up? She is welcome to clarify. Thanks everyone for your responses! Very grateful. Just to clarify, I didn't miss the calls. I intentionally didn't pick up because I was a bit shy. He seems very confident ( although he is very humble and described himself as shy). I was a bit shy so didn't pick up. In addition, I didn't want to seem "too available". I guess in a way, reading different stories and questions on LS makes me over analyse lol. (Although I am a natural thinker). Re: pursuing relentless, I wouldn't say that's the case because I did call him back anytime I missed his calls and I have been friendly. So I haven't been initiating phone calls or messages but I've been friendly. Finally, the last poster mentioned something about "stopping by". Good observation. I would've preferred if he formally asked me on a date. But I'm willing to excuse this for two reasons : First, he did want to meet up with me on Friday properly but I won't be around. Second, he mentioned he would like to see me before I travelled. He said he would either stop by during lunch break from work on Friday around noon, or he would see me on Thurs. He sounded like he want to squeeze time out to see me briefly before I travel. He later mentioned that he wouldn't be able to make time due work on Friday noon but he wanted to stop by before going for his function. To clarify, he will "stop by" at my house. I won't invite him in. We will just have a short chat outside or maybe take a walk. Being a thinker, I wondered as well "why didn't he formally ask me for a date" but due to aforementioned reasons, I'm willing to let this go. In addition, like some of the posters mentioned, I don't want to over analyse or worry too much. I won't ask him to take me a date. I'll allow him do what he feels like doing and make my observations. I really don't have the energy to teach a guy how to behave lol. But I will watch out. I can't control the way he behaves so I will observe and make decisions as time goes by. I want to see him in his natural element. Thanks everyone Going to get ready now and will keep you updated. Edited May 16, 2013 by Sunshine87 1
Author Sunshine87 Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 Aren't you the same girl who got all offended because a guy said you were "good-looking"? I think the whole obsessing about the phone-tag thing on this thread is just the typical LS overanalysing we all do around here, including myself. It's perfectly fine to not pick up the phone from an impromptu phone call because you aren't ready or in the mood to talk. You and he spoke in the end. It's cool. My point is to stop overthinking things. Show up for the date and have fun. LMAO......Ive made quite an impression on here haven't I? Lol. I wasnt offended. Just over thinking as usual. I really like Tresa's approach to life. Free- spirited and not over worrying. I'm going to adopt that. Thanks everyone.
Author Sunshine87 Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 (edited) It was fun! One thing stood out: He likes women who talk a lot. I was very shy but his cheerfulness and his down to earth nature forced me to open up. Anyway, he got here around 8pm and he asked if we were going to stay outside or if go in. I replied "let's just stay here and talk". So we did. He had a function to attend so he stayed for about 25 mins. It was a nice conversation and anytime I fell silent, he would say "Why aren't you talking?" I responded "because I don't want to be a talkative". He responded "Well I like it when you talk, I guess different people like different things and I like it". So in a way I like the fact that I could be myself without having to wonder if I was being too chatty etc. I told him I was scared of flying ( as im travelling today) and he encouraged me and told me not to worry. He explaned some technical things to me which helped calm my nerves. He also told me to call before I take off. I replied " why? Would you have some more encouraging words for me, you have my number so you can call. He replied "no, just to say hello. Of course I'll call you but just wanted to hear from you". Anyway when he was leaving, he asked for a hug but I was so shy so was just smiling. I didn't hug him although I offered to after about three minutes and he refused saying " oh that has passed" lol. He was smiling though! He sent me a text when he left my place about two hours later, that he was going home from the function. We chatted a bit through text messages. Then he called me to say it was nice seeing me etc and he was happy he could see me before I travelled. I responded with "Thank you". We chatted over the phone for a short while. He said he was off to bed and he would call today. That's how it went. He is very cheerful so that helped me open up a bit. It's so funny that he likes chatty women. He loves women who talk a lot and wanted me to keep talking. Not excessive talking but he likes conversations that keep rolling. Thanks all for your advice. Edited May 17, 2013 by Sunshine87
Els Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, OP. You're right - sometimes we just have to roll with it and see how things go. Thanks everyone for your responses! Very grateful. Just to clarify, I didn't miss the calls. I intentionally didn't pick up because I was a bit shy. Thanks for the clarification.
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