Soxfaninfl Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I'm meeting a successful career women for drinks on Friday evening, and I always pay for everything on 1st dates whether it is dinner or just drinks. I want to know from the ladies what I should do if she insists on paying for her drinks? If she says I'll pay for my drinks "I will say no please let me pay as a gentleman". If she says no I can pay for my drinks, and she insists should I let her? I don't want to sound pushy if I come back with no let me pay. I've always felt that a man should pay. I think she makes more money than I, but that doesn't matter to me. I feel a man should always pay at least on the first date. Advice if any is welcomed from the ladies.
MidwestUSA Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Well hello, Sox! How have you been? If she offers, simply say "No, it's my pleasure". Or throw it out there that she can buy drinks, coffee, ice cream, movie tickets, whatever, next time. Then you've got your "in" for the second date already. Good luck! 3
curlygirl40 Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 You could just say 'it's my treat' and leave it at that. If she offers to tip you could let her tip? If you like to pay on first dates, then pay on the first date. Don't think about the fact that she's a successful career woman or whatever. Just tell her it's your treat. I always come prepared to pay at least for myself, most guys won't let me pay but I will then offer to tip and I find about half of them will let me tip.
pyramid Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 If she insists and you have offered twice, then let her. You don't have to make it into an argument. Of course, this probably means she isn't interested. 5
Author Soxfaninfl Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 Well hello, Sox! How have you been? If she offers, simply say "No, it's my pleasure". Or throw it out there that she can buy drinks, coffee, ice cream, movie tickets, whatever, next time. Then you've got your "in" for the second date already. Good luck! Hi Midwest, I been okay. How have you been? Thanks for asking by the way. That is great advice, and I really appreciate it!
Author Soxfaninfl Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 You could just say 'it's my treat' and leave it at that. If she offers to tip you could let her tip? If you like to pay on first dates, then pay on the first date. Don't think about the fact that she's a successful career woman or whatever. Just tell her it's your treat. I always come prepared to pay at least for myself, most guys won't let me pay but I will then offer to tip and I find about half of them will let me tip. Thanks for the advice curlygirl! 1
Author Soxfaninfl Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 If she insists and you have offered twice, then let her. You don't have to make it into an argument. Of course, this probably means she isn't interested. I guess I will find out. Thanks for the advice pyramid.
Els Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 My opinion is that you should offer, but if she insists, let her. If you two were closer and you are certain she'd accept it with good graces, then you can insist, but given that you barely know her, it's hard to know how she'll react in that case. The last thing you want is to have a huge argument about the issue. I wouldn't be so sure about her insistence meaning that she isn't interested. That depends a lot on your culture - if it were me, yeah, it'd mean I'm not interested. But I know other women who just prefer to go dutch even if they like the guy.
Author Soxfaninfl Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 My opinion is that you should offer, but if she insists, let her. If you two were closer and you are certain she'd accept it with good graces, then you can insist, but given that you barely know her, it's hard to know how she'll react in that case. The last thing you want is to have a huge argument about the issue. I wouldn't be so sure about her insistence meaning that she isn't interested. That depends a lot on your culture - if it were me, yeah, it'd mean I'm not interested. But I know other women who just prefer to go dutch even if they like the guy. Thanks for the advice Elswyth.
salparadise Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I agree. It's rather simple. Assume you're going to pay and act accordingly. If she offers just say, "that's ok, it's my pleasure." If she then offers a second time she actually does want to pay, as opposed to just making the gesture to be polite, in which case you let her and express appreciation. No more, no less, no discussion. 1
Els Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 If a woman earns more than a man then he should still pay? What is this based on? Do you not think females want EQUALITY? Or is feminism about women having equality when they want it, and special treatment at other times? It is this mangina attitude that is contributing to how men are the desperate beggars in dating, and women are the ones that screen out different guys and choose one that meets her criteria. There is no good reason why a date can't be split equally. Is the man gaining MORE than the woman from the date? Is a date not the meeting of two equals? Or is dating about a man paying for a woman enough for her to let him get some vagina? Is dating like prostitution where the man must pay to get "what he wants"? Doesn't the woman want sex and a relationship too? This positive discrimination white-knight mangina attitude is the same as when a woman punches a man, and the man punches her back, and is suddenly should be stoned to death. I believe women should be treated EQUALLY. Not like celebrites, princesses, and delicate snowflakes. Men think they can buy a woman's attraction and love. That's half of men's problem. Men come from a place of neediness and desperation. Anyway, enjoy your date. Good! Pay! I hope she orders the most expensive food and drinks on the menu. Dude, you're on the wrong thread. This guy is entitled to his preferences and choices. He isn't asking whether or not feminism dictates that he should pay; he wants to pay and is asking HOW to go about it. Here's the right thread for you: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/326829-consolidated-discussion-paying-dates-108.html#post4885378 6
PogoStick Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 (edited) Don't even ask. Just pay. You can even consider being sneaky...get up for the bathroom and drop your card off on the way. Edited May 17, 2013 by PogoStick 3
jolie_baby Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 It doesnt matter who makes more money... If you asked her out on a first date it is better that you pay...and she will appreciate it... I know I would... cheers 1
bac Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I'm meeting a successful career women for drinks on Friday evening, and I always pay for everything on 1st dates whether it is dinner or just drinks. I want to know from the ladies what I should do if she insists on paying for her drinks? If she says I'll pay for my drinks "I will say no please let me pay as a gentleman". If she says no I can pay for my drinks, and she insists should I let her? I don't want to sound pushy if I come back with no let me pay. I've always felt that a man should pay. I think she makes more money than I, but that doesn't matter to me. I feel a man should always pay at least on the first date. Advice if any is welcomed from the ladies. If your intentions are romantic/sexual, she should be OK with you paying for everything. If she feels that you are just a friend, or cheap, poor or not into her, she will offer you to pay for herself just to be polite. And, she expects you to reject her offer unless you express it very clear that you really want her to pay. 2
MidwestUSA Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Don't even ask. Just pay. You can even consider being sneaky...get up for the bathroom and drop your card off on the way. Oh, I SOOOO love this!
MidwestUSA Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Hello .., How are you? My name is Janet. I am a female I come across your profile here, and I would like to add you as my friend and to establish a lasting relationship with you. you can find me at my email id. ([email protected]) If you are interested in knowing more about me OK, so I can send you my picture and tell you more about me. I'll be waiting to hear from you with love, thanks, Janet This is what Sox gets for letting us know he'll pay for dinner!! 2
Els Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 This is what Sox gets for letting us know he'll pay for dinner!! :lmao::lmao: Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is your gold-digger right there...
daletom Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 If she insists and you have offered twice, then let her. You don't have to make it into an argument. Of course, this probably means she isn't interested. I don't think it necessarily means she isn't interested. Given the situation as described, "I'll get the tab and you can do the tip" (regardless of which way it goes) seems like a very good compromise.
It's Just Me Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 I don't think it necessarily means she isn't interested. It DEFINITELY means she isn't interested. The only time I have ever insisted on paying is when I had no intention of seeing the guy again, and didn't want to feel somehow beholden to him. 1
Author Soxfaninfl Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 I thought I'd give an update on how it went. It turned out to be a great date! It started out as just drinks, and it turned into dinner and desert. When the bill came I gave the waitress my card, and I took care of the bill and tip. It was the best first date I had in a long time. After we went our separate ways, she text me that she really enjoyed spending time with me and would love to see me again. 2
Author Soxfaninfl Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 This is what Sox gets for letting us know he'll pay for dinner!! A gentleman always pays especially on the first date. It's how I was brought up.
MidwestUSA Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 A gentleman always pays especially on the first date. It's how I was brought up. It's what I believe as well. But I have no problem taking turns or splitting things after the first date. In fact, if I were in your lady's shoes, I'd plan the next date, wow your sox (haha) off, and pay for it all. But, that's just the way I was brought up. So glad to hear it went well! (You don't even wanna know how I handle a third date, if all is going well LOL!)
Author Soxfaninfl Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 It's what I believe as well. But I have no problem taking turns or splitting things after the first date. In fact, if I were in your lady's shoes, I'd plan the next date, wow your sox (haha) off, and pay for it all. But, that's just the way I was brought up. So glad to hear it went well! (You don't even wanna know how I handle a third date, if all is going well LOL!) I would love to hear how you handle the third date.
daletom Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 (edited) A gentleman always pays especially on the first date. It's how I was brought up. I was brought up that way too. But some women didn't learn those rules very well, and a few learned some very different rules. I don't hold it against you that you felt a little confused and thought you should ask the question. ( And if you let it became a matter of conflict between you and your date, you'd never get a chance to straighten her out and teach her the proper rules. ) Edited May 18, 2013 by daletom 1
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