Weight/looks insecurities while dating, for someone that used to be thinner :(

[pcplod]

As an older, overweight guy, I can fully appreciate your feelings about the cellulite, stretch marks and all the rest of it. The only thing I can suggest is that you try to give yourself a break, A really big one, for as long as you can muster.

 

I believe that getting to grips with life is about finding a balance, a reality, that says things like, "I may not be the best looking person on the planet, but I'm good enough looking, that I don't scare off the wild-life". "I can improve on what is there, even if it is never going to be perfect". "It is still worth the effort because there is always the issue about my health". "If I can get lighter, fitter, healthier, there exciting and interesting things I can do that I cannot or will not contemplate doing right now".

 

You need to allow yourself to fantasize a little bit from time-to-time, to seek long-term gain, benefit and pleasure at the sacrifice of immediate consolation. Losing weight means trading off short-term pleasures, like eating and drinking to excess in order to reach a longer term goal that needs to mean more to you.

 

If you say that you are hardly eating anything but not losing weight, either there is something wrong with your perception or there is something wrong medically. Women, unfortunately, find it more difficult to lose weight than men and even if slim will still carry a sub-cutaneous layer of body fat that does not even exist in men.

 

It used to be a simple assertion that to lose weight all you had to do was have the psyche to burn more calories and consume less. More recent research into genetics and gut biology is beginning to reveal that the issue is more complicated than that and that it is a multi-factorial issue, involving both biology and psychology. It would be a surprise to most of us if reality had ever turned out any other way, to be frank. However, having said that, a lot of what you might call 'the weird science' in all these more recent revelations is that a lot of it only applies to a relatively small percentage of overweight people and that it is best to be honestly realistic with yourself about this. Having said that, women can, for genetic reasons find themselves experiencing more biological reasons for not being able to lose weight when they otherwise ought to be able to than men. For example, PCOS, is one possible factor that men can never suffer from.

 

Firstly, you need to be honest about your motivation to lose excess weight and identify what is competing against it. Secondly, you need to be honest about your calorie intake, If it might help, think about keeping a food diary for two or three weeks to see whether your impression of your diet is actually a realistic one. Thirdly, if you think you may have medical factors that may be contributing to an inability to lose weight, try to get them identified and sorted out.

 

The one personal thing I will say to you, based on a subjective personal preference, is that what I find sexy in any woman is a sufficient level of confidence and self-assurance that says, fat or thin,I'll walk across the room naked in broad daylight and put my opinion about my naked form into some sort of manageable perspective and I will not allow it to suppress me, or hold me back from enjoying life either by myself or with my partner. In the meantime, I can put some focus and effort and time into these other issues that bug me.

 

I personally think asking this guy for advice and help in losing weight and getting fit is just okay. I can't see why it should put him off you, at least any more than he is now. It just doesn't make sense to think of it like that. I would love to have a female partner who would be into that idea because it is more enjoyable going through the drudge with someone else, whether that is planning and enduring a healthy diet or pounding the roads on a jog or run. Listening to music on your iPod gets a bit boring and distracting after a while, believe you me! Imagine going out on a jog, getting back all flushed and sweaty and then getting in the shower together afterwards. Yum! Where's that imagination?