stansmam Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Hi, Ive asked for advice on here before re my boyfriend and his lack of sex and way way over the top love of his dog and got some good advice so im hitting you all with the nect stage of our turbulant relationship as i have nowhere else to go too and no one to talk too. We live together and i saw us as being together always. But at xmas time, he started taking champix tablets to stop smoking and these tablets completely changed him. Sex becsme almost non existant and he was awful to me. He was depressed all the time. So he decided to come off the tablets after doing some research and seeing all the awful side effects (that wernt explained to us!!!). We thought things would get better, his moods got better but the sex remained bad. He tells me that he doesnt want it. That he just doesnt think about it but i know thats not true because hes always talking about it in really crude ways, just not to do with me. So now im starting to feel really crap. He wont come near me unless hes joking, like touching me and saying how minging it is in a joking way. He'll give me a peck on the lips but nothing more. So im feeling pretty ugly tbh. Ive put on about 1stone since being with him but im not fat but thats how im starting to feel. So, being the grown up, i have tried to talk to him numerous times and when i tell him how it makes me feel he calls me selfish and says im a hortible person. That his body has nothing to do with me. I just can not talk to him because he will just shout over me and shuts down. It is causing so much stress. I cant shake that he doesnt seem to fancy me out of my head. As a result, we are now arguing almost everyday. I started to wonder if it was errection problems but recently ive seen him hard and hiding it from me, going into the bathroom. Of course, this worrys me!! Does he just want solo sex?! So now im completely paranoid about that! Then the other night, he was saying he wanted a bath together and to go to bed with me but i had to go so he said we would do it last night. So theres me, completely getting my hopes up tjinking he wanted me. So we have the bath, all good. Then the excuses start coming, tired etc. I told him that i wanted him to kiss me and he groand snd turned his back on me to "go to sleep". Then when i tried to talk to him he said that he avoids coming to bed with me and purposely makes excuses not to. (I havent tried it on for weeks). Then told me that he hares spending any time with me "when im stressing" . But im stressing cos things are so ****e! I really dont know what to do. I really love him and all other aspects of our relationship are amazing but the severe lack of intimacy is making me very depressed. I feel worthless and it shouldnt be like that. But i dont see why i should throw it away through this one problem. Help me please!!
TigerCub Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 The guy doesn't even want to kiss you! What the hell are you holding on to. He doesn't care about your needs and would rather f**k himself than be intimate with you. Why do you choose to stay with someone that's so selfish and so neglectful and ...ugh, just the idea that he doesn't want to kiss you should be enough for you to say "ok, I'll find me someone that wants to kiss me, I'll find me someone that can satisfy me - you can just go and f**k yourself - that's what you do best after all" I hate people like that. I understand wanting some solo lovin sometimes - so no judgements there, but when people constantly choose that and neglect their partner - that's just ridiculous. People can't use sex as a weapon and a couple should know that taking care of one another's needs (emotional, affectionate, and sexual ) are part of the responsibilities as a couple. He's a waste of time - drop him. If he couldn't perform due to medical reasons, I'd sympathize and advise to hang on and see doctor's and all that, but he's not into you and he couldn't care less about your needs. Find someone else.
Tinie Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 He's making you feel ugly? Wow why would you want to be with someone who's making you feel such crummy feelings about yourself?
TaraMaiden Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Let's put this into a category, shall we? he's a passive-aggressive narcissist with control issues. Now let's speak English. He's a damn jerk, a bully and a loser. He's a waste of time, space and effort. He's a moron and a complete failure. he has absolutely no redeeming features and it shames me to see he's British and in the same country as I am, because if I was stood in front of him he wouldn't know what day, month or year it was his head would be spinning so much. I personally wouldn't stand for it, and to be honest, I'm failing to see why you do. You're an Englishwoman. Act like one. Read the above, select whichever descriptions fit him best (probably all of them) write them down, put the note where he can see it, and dump his damn ass where it belongs. Schytt-street.
Ursa Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Women often hang on too long, hoping they can fix things, thinking that everything will change if they can just...figure out...this ONE thing they are doing wrong...NO. Take a deep breath, and just stop. The nonsexual aspects of this relationship are NOT "so amazing," I'm sorry. Boner issues are one thing, and could be worked through, but the real issue here is that this man would rather see you squirm, hurting and doubting yourself, than come clean with what he's really thinking/feeling. You say he makes you feel ugly. He won't kiss you--and is rude and hurtful about it, as well. He actively avoids coming to bed with you. He hates spending time with you when you're stressed (how supportive!) You're arguing every day. He's shouting at you and shutting down all avenues of positive communication. You say yourself he seems to hate you. Sweetheart, relationships do take work, but this is far over that line. A partner is supposed to be communicative, reassuring, provide support, not tear you down and make you feel bad about yourself. You are better off learning to be strong on your own, so you can find someone who actually appreciates you and is willing to work WITH you on any relationship issues, instead of against you. Let him go.
Recommended Posts