I pushed my fiance away but there is a lot of love between us. Can I fix it?

[picklypickly]

Hi guys. I've had dysthymia since 2009.

 

 

 

To make a long story short, I allowed my illness to take over my mind and cause me to constantly berate myself around my fiance--the person who is most important to me in the world. For example, I felt so badly about myself that when he would tell me I was beautiful, sometimes I would say "I don't feel beautiful... it makes me feel bad when you say it because I don't feel it inside." When I would say things like that, he would hold me and say, "don't talk about my beautiful wife like that."

 

 

 

As a result, I made him end up feeling anxious and nervous. He feels like what he says to me is never enough. But he was enough; more than enough. What was going on in my mind was not reality--when you are depressed, your thoughts are all-consuming and I couldn't stop myself from blurting them out sometimes. As you all know, my heart felt one way (beautiful, loved and secure) and my head felt another (like I am a huge loser).

 

 

Anyway, he broke up with me Sunday. He said he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and that he can't be with anyone. His personality is that of someone who really loves to make people happy, and he no longer felt like he was making me happy (but he was!) and that made him very hurt. Monday, through sobs, he told me he doesn't want to be with anyone else because he loves me. We both sobbed with each other. He eventually broke down and said he can't be with anyone, not just me, because he now feels so anxious and is questioning his own self-worth. It kills me that I allowed my depression to overcome me so much that I hurt him.

 

 

 

I tried to kiss him and he said he didn't feel anything anymore when I kissed him, but in the next breath he would look at me, sobbing and tell me over and over that he loves me. But I feel he is saying this convince himself that's true and to make it easier for him. I asked him if he was still attracted to me and he asked, "are you kidding me? Of course!" I know he feels for me; if he didn't he wouldn't have been sobbing. But then he said he loves me and he'll never forget me and he wants me to be in his life always. He says he can't live without me in his life, but then he is telling me he cannot be with me at this moment in time. He told me when he and I both get better that he would like to be with me, the right way. I asked him if he could promise that and he said no because he's not sure how long it would be or where he will be or how he will feel. Before I left, he grabbed my hand and said "thank you for everything." We cried so much.

 

 

So what do I do? I should mention I've been seeing a therapist for about a month and a half now. Recovery is tough, but I am getting better. Every day I feel a little bit better, but I'm devastated he left.

 

 

How can I help build him back up? Nobody ever made me feel as special and loved as he did. It's just that my stupid illness makes my horrible thoughts seem like reality when they're not. I would do anything to take his hurt away.

 

 

Should I completely give him space? His birthday is on May 27th and we had plans that whole weekend. Do I call him? Visit him? Fed-Ex his gift?

 

 

Side note: he still hasn't removed me as his fiance on facebook, but he said it's because he doesn't want his work colleagues to question him now. I don't believe that. When you're done with someone, you're done. He's holding on a little bit. He's in my state only until June 14, at which point he returns to his country. I had plans of moving there next summer.

 

 

Is it too late to salvage this? We had so much love between us. We will never ever hate each other. We were always there for each other; nobody cheated, nobody was disrespectful.

 

 

I want to see him before I leave. He says he needs space, but then in the same breath he says he desperately wants to be friends and wants me in his life and literally breaks down saying that he needs me in his life. I will continue to get better, but I want him in my life.

 

 

This sucks.

[picklypickly]

I should also say that he was serious when he said he still wanted to talk. I told him through chat yesterday that even as a friend and a human being, I wanted to help him feel better. I told him that he is my hero (he is) and that he saved my life (I truly think he did). He said he wants us to talk normally like we're in a relationship so we e-mailed back and forth yesterday with him immediately responding to me.

 

I told him I'm still moving to his country (got accepted to school, school is 1/10th of the tuition here in NYC, school is very specific to my career path, etc.) and he happily said "I'll help you with everything when you get here! I'll help you settle in and stuff."

 

He said yesterday he is so proud of me for getting better and we were making jokes and being so friendly. The thing is, there was so much love between us. We have never fought and before dating, were best friends for a while. When we had disagreements, we always discussed them calmly. I had no idea he was hurting so much inside because he never brought it up (he's good at bottling things up). If he had, I would have worked doubly hard to make sure my illness didn't push me to hurt him.

 

In my last e-mail to him last night I called him my nickname for him ("Monkey") and then said in the next one, "sorry it slipped out" (it did. It's second nature) and he replied, "hey, don't worry. It happens! :)"

 

I'm just so confused. Is the right path to take here that of continuing to speak with him normally and being a close friend to him? Ultimately my goal is to a) get better myself, b) ensure he gets better and c) get back together.

 

Note: Before bed last night I sent him this text, "Hey monkey, tucking in for the night. I'm thinking of you. You always made me feel wanted, beautiful and loved. I want you to be happy. Please don't think your love was not enough or not complete. I love you."

 

What should my next move be? Giving him space? If he doesn't respond to the text do I go full no contact? Is it a lost cause? Do I have hope?

 

I am continuing to get better with therapy no matter what.

[Leigh 87]

Oh dear, I really feel for you! You both sound like you genuinely like and care very deeply about each other!

 

I have just suffered the loss of my ex - he left me too, because my personal issues made it too hard for him to be in a relationship with me.

 

Like your ex, my ex also still loves me yet cannot be with me in a relationship. Furthermore, he also alludes to the fact that this is not final; it is not forever in his mind. Maybe this is what he tells himself to make the pain more bearable for him?

 

I have only just worked my way towards going full no contact. This is hard, as my ex wanted to see me after the break up; he would hold my hand and act like usual with me. I have the option of having him to hug in bed at night and be a band aid! I have had to make the decision that no contact is the fastest way for me to grow as a person.

 

You both sound very dependant on one another; it sounds like it is too final... too depressing and hard to fathom that this IS it for you two.

 

Personally, both my and I know that I need to be alone to get therapy and deal with my personal issues. Only I think we could have been together during this process, and the break up was the push I needed; to realise I lost him, in order to kick my butt into action.

 

Unfortunately, even if he still maintains his love for you, he may not remain this way while you change. Our guys will probably not remain in love with us for months while we change and get therapy for our issues.

 

As much as they loved us, it is very rare that a guy will come back for a genuine second chance! People move on over the months apart.....

 

Very rarely do men stay so in love with you that, even after months of changing and growing in yourself, will they reach out and contact you to talk and see how you have changed.

 

More than likely; he will move on after a few months. Our guys will likely move on, I am afraid:( Even though it seems unbelievable to them initially, time and space will rid them of their dependence on us, and enable them to learn to live without the acute pain of missing us.

 

I am so sorry to say that there are rarely second chances, I REALLY wish our guys would spend some time apart from us, only for them to realise how much they still love us and want us in their lives again.

 

I would say that, like me, you should change and seek ongoing therapy to deal with your issues for YOU; do it for YOU, and not in the hope of getting your ex back.

 

I feel like I am going through a similar thing to you... I was super close with my ex, we were together every day, we always maintained the love and excitement at seeing each other during the relationship.

I thought I would die without him, seriously; I thought WOW omg we are SO close, how on EARTH would I live without him!!!!!!!!!

 

Break ups just plain hurt. There is no way around it.

[Leigh 87]

Honey, I hate to say it, but... maintaining contact will only hold you both back from moving on.

 

After pushing them away, our guys need to be totally alone. Away from us and our issues. They need time to clear their heads and figure out if they still want a second chance after they go through the initial phase of missing us. They WILL miss us incredibly! But that is not a reason to make them hold on to us!

 

Talking to them will make them hold onto us, yes, but maybe after everything that has happened between us, they really do not have the sort of love towards us that is required for a long term, life long relationship!

 

Maintaining contact throughout your recovery and therapy will only:

 

- cause your ex to remain around a women he still feels very strongly about, and therefore he will not be able to see if he wants to move on to other prospects. He will still feel too close to you to move on as long as you talk to him.

 

- YOU will not feel like moving on, and you will hold onto hope, that he will see your changes and want you back

 

- it is terrible pressure on yourself, to essentially whoo him back and make him see that you have changed

 

Even couples that get back together, need to chill out and be alone.. ALONE. With NO contact whatsoever, until they have had space and time, to clear their heads and process the break up.

 

I KNOW this is so hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

As I said earlier: my ex would STILL want me to hang out with I, hold his hand, and for us to hold each other at night like always.

 

I know that would be the EASY way out though! For both of us! He can still cling to the comfort he once had with me, without having to go through the pain and loss of losing me!!!!!!!!!!!

 

It enables them to hold onto us and not face the pain of reality! They need to want us back FOR US; NOT because they miss us so much and want to have us around to make them feel better.

 

Hugs to you, I am totally heartbroken but I know it will get better for us.

[picklypickly]

Very sound advice! I guess I am just worried if I go away, he will move on and not ever come back to me. But then again, if someone is going to be with me I want them to WANT to be with me.

 

His birthday is May 27th. Should I give him until next week and tell him I have a gift for him and want to give it to him in person if he'd like to see me?

 

Why has he not removed me as his fiance on facebook?

[Leigh 87]

He sounds like it is all too... hard to outright accept that no your no longer his fiancé.

 

This is all new and too hard to fully digest for Andrew too.

 

Just because they miss us and love us on one level, it does not mean they necessarily want us as life partners again.

 

Only time away from him entirely will allow these guys to determine this.

 

It is too hard, talking to us, for them to have the time alone they need to see things more clearly.

 

Right now they MISS us like crazy; they spent a good amount of time with us, after all!

 

They need time of no contact with us. They need to realise that hey are in love with the new, better version of who we have become.

 

They may very well move on, only to realise that their love for us is something that is worth pursuing to them, or; they will realise that you are no longer someone they want to entertain the idea of a relationship with. No matter how changed you are, for the better.

 

This is just plain hard and there is no WAY out! Only time and therapy will help us!

 

The idea of no contact for us needs to be to help US move on. They will probably not ever come back.

 

Just know that it is extremely rare for GENUINE second chances....

 

Letting go and deciding no contact is the best way for you to move forward is the hardest step.

 

The first few days will be hard. I have a feeling that it will get easier the longer we remain in NC.

[Atalya]

Hi Picklypickly,

I am very sorry about the illness. It can be very tough to deal up with such a difficult thing. I would know because the person I'm in NC with is ill with a long-term illness. He has become different with having it. It's changed things.

 

I don't think anything is too late to salvage if both parties are willing to reconcile and work through things. I would leave him alone for some time to let him figure things out, sometimes its best to be on your own so you can have time to heal and think about our life and where we are in it.

 

I know it's cliche to say time heals all wounds but in most cases it's true.

 

I am sending you lots of love with handling your illness. It's not easy but take your time. I know it's devastating that he's gone, it's very hard and I've been there. Things will get better as time goes on.

 

Good for you for continuing with the therapy. It's going to be hard but take your time, keep yourself in good health and good spirits. <3

[todreaminblue]

I am sorry this happened,I have a mental illness.......

 

 

i was in a relationship for fifteen years, one thing i never did was ask for reassurance on how i looked, i didnt feel beautiful, still dont, but i carry myself like i am and i held my head up no matter how heavy it felt with doubt...i have some really rough days as i am schizo affective so sometimes i hear voices....and its not nice stuff they say....and that slides me into depression.....but grey skies do nto stay grey forever....its impossible for that to happen....because on the inside...i rock...my heart rocks.....its open.;0)..and i know it......please dont think i am conceited...i am not....i know what i have to give....and there are many things i can give...i have worth and in a relationship i can rock it...i also accept my mental illness as part of me .....gives me a bit of humility and understanding of others

 

 

 

through my mental illness and hard times i have grown, i am accepting and that includes me, we all feel insecure with or without an illness to compound it..you are deserving of happiness....

 

 

going to implant this one subliminally for you.................................

 

 

 

:bunny:

 

 

YOU ARE DESERVING OF HAPPINESS....HAPPINESS...HAPPINESS....

 

 

 

:bunny:.;0).............................................................................................................

 

 

 

 

with your relationship it needed to grow.......you needed to grow....and you are, i dont know if you will work out together, but one thing i do know, is you will be stronger and you now know what he cant handle....most guys cant handle a woman who needs reassurance.......therapy helps....it truly does.......give yourself a break.......if you can be strong outside fo a relationship you can be strong in one.........you will make it......alone or together again, you have learned strategies and will learn more strategies that will help you, you will only be a better person from it....adn once more...you deserve happiness....from me to you....i wish you that happiness........deb

[picklypickly]

Hello all!

 

Thanks for the replies.

 

Anyway I wanted to give an update. He and I spoke and guess what? We have both come to agree that our relationship needed this. We both need time to grow on our own and then come back together.

 

He is open to taking time off while staying faithful to each other (he said he will not date anyone else) and still working on one another. In the meantime I will continue therapy (he may or may not go, but he definitely needs to be alone) and will continue to exercise and feel better.

 

It's possible he will be coming back to my state in either August or October. We will stay in touch as usual (he really, really wants to keep talking to me and we care about each other very much) and be open with one another.

 

I will see him then. He said he wants to start over there from scratch and he wants us to "date" like we're getting to know one another again. He wants it to be fresh, fun and flirty after we've both gotten stronger on our own.

 

I told him in a sad moment I was deleting all his e-mails and he said he would never delete mine because who knows? We might be getting back together after all.

 

It sounds hopeful. Open line of communication to me = a good thing.

[picklypickly]

I'm not so sure if open lines of communication are the best thing now.

 

Do I hand him his birthday gift in person or mail it to him? He said before that he wanted space. Is the right move to give him space for say, two weeks, then if he hasn't contacted me to reach out with a simple "hey"?

 

How do I start to make him more amenable to the idea of a reconciliation?

 

With my ex before him--with whom I had an awful, hateful and bad breakup--it took months before we got back together. We ended up back together for four months, then crashed and burned. He wasn't a serious person and he wanted to sow his wild oats. This guy is completely not like that.

 

I'm just all mixed up inside.

[KatZee]

I mean, in order for the relationship to start over and be "fresh and new" it would mean that you guys broke up and remained COMPLETE NC for at least a year or more. Nothing can be fresh and new with continued contact and absolutely nothing is going to be fresh and new 3 months down the line.

 

I think he's a little bit naive with what he's saying.

 

I also think he's giving you SERIOUS breadcrumbs, ones in which he's not certain he will even follow through on. In one breath he's saying that he needs to be alone he needs space, he wants to start over, and then he says "who knows. We MIGHT be together." It sounds like he doesn't even know for certain whether he's going to follow through and this is only keeping you on a serious leash.

 

Just as your last relationship crashed and burned with the reconciliation, I think this one's heading for the same path. If you continue doing what you're doing, there is no "fresh and new." There will just have to be a conscious agreement and effort between the both of you to work through these issues. Sounds to me he wants to sweep everything right under the rug. With all that's gone on, this isn't going to happen.

[picklypickly]

Thanks for your reply!

 

When he said he needed space, it was immediately after the breakup.

 

Since then he has steadily been saying that he wants contact with me, while *I* am having misgivings about being in contact with him.

 

I told him this morning that I wished we had met while I was already in therapy for at least a few months and he agreed. He said our relationship was awesome as it was, but could be so much better if we both worked on it.

 

He says he wants to talk with me and just talking normally will be the way for us to get back together, but I am unsure of this.

 

I'm just confused as to NC being the way to go for me or not.

[KatZee]

I'm just confused as to NC being the way to go for me or not.

 

That's not a decision any of us here can make for you. This is something you need to discuss with your ex. You really need to ask him some hard questions. Does he definitely see a future with you once you've gotten the help you need?

 

He doesn't get to just be a "friend" and guide this whole breakup the way he wants, while you're left in limbo, confused, and struggling.

 

Nothing is a guarantee in life, but there should be very open communication between you two as to where this is going. If he can't give you any concrete answers, if he dances around questions, says things like, "maybe one day" or "who knows" or "I can't see into the future" or anything along those lines, then you need to go NC so you can heal and move on.

 

Tons of women have been dragged along for months, or even years on this false hope they hold onto.

[picklypickly]

Again thanks for your reply.

 

He keeps saying he wants me to visit him and he is okay with me moving there no matter what. He also says he needs to work on himself and it's not all about my issues. I.e. his own issues allowed him to be hurt and break up with me.

 

We spoke today and he said he cannot answer specifically how he will feel in the future but that he is open to a reconciliation. He said he doesn't want me to disappear from his life because he cares for me. He said, "we are over for now but the future may bring anything." I said if we are to reconcile we both need to be completely in it and both want it. He agreed.

 

He is not saying specifically when we will reconcile or when he will give a time frame, but he is saying he will not be with anyone else until we do so. He said, quote, "if our relationship was that good while we were both needing to take time off and heal ourselves, it would be amazing once we do so."

 

I know it is difficult but I want to do NC.

[Leigh 87]

I am in the exact. Same. Position.

 

My ex says he wants to still have me in his life, because he has never met a women like me.

 

He also says that we both need time alone for now, but he is hoping we can get back together one day.

 

 

 

It is b/s.

 

 

 

 

They are not trying to be selfish, but by remaining in contact with us, they are going to just drag us on the roller coaster of false hope.... They DO NOT want to hurt us, but they lack the emotional intelligence and deep thinking skills to realise that they are being callous and selfish.

 

Yes they love us on some level; yes they really really love to have us close to them in their lives.

 

However, there IS only about a 4% chance that they are going to realise that they are still madly in love with us and want to have us back.

The odds are probably even less ( for a genuine second chance that is)

More often than not, the dumper gets weak and misses you so much, and thinks he wants you back so he does not have to deal with the pain of living without you.

Genuinely loving a person to the extent that calls for a genuine fresh start and second chance at the relationship? VERY rare.

 

And it will take a year or more at the very LEAST to come back together and start a new relationship. Or it would take SERIOUS therapy and still more time apart, if you were to decide to try again in a couple of months, with a very high fail rate (to try again that early on)

 

I too, am not quiet ready for full no contact. I know how it is, when my ex is still talking to me like he always did, saying " goodbye sweety" and " hey baby I will all you later hope your okay" and " your great we are so close"

It is nice to hear, but we have to see it for what it is: they do not love us enough to be with us NOW, and likely never will.

 

We need to taper the phone contact off and cut it off for good in the near future.

 

It is OKAY that your not totally ready to go full no contact, I am still in the transition phase myself.

 

My ex is too stupid to see the error of his ways.

[picklypickly]

I'm sorry you're going through that.

 

However, based on my own history, I've been able to reconcile with every single ex I have.

 

Ex no. 1: I broke up with him because he was not respectful to my family. He wanted to reconcile for a full year after that. Dated for three years on and off, LDR and locally.

 

Ex no. 2: Broke up with him (very happy relationship) because I moved to another country. He's still single and has made it clear he would get to know me again and date. I am not interested. Dated roughly 9-10 months.

 

Ex no. 3: Dated for two and a half years. Was miserable during this relationship--this is when my depression started and got out of hand. Our breakup was severely acrimonious and involved me returning to said country two times to start over at his request. We eventually reconciled from November-February of the same year until I picked my self respect up off the floor. We do not speak anymore.

 

Ex no. 4: Current ex and the man I was engaged to. Our relationship, besides my depression, was absolutely fantastic. We never fought (except one silly fight over a spider joke--seriously, if that was our only fight? Dream relationship! lol) and solved disagreements calmly and by communicating. I'm going full no contact. If I can reconcile with ex no. 3 who absolutely hated me at the breakup and who I swore I would never see again, I can reconcile with ex no. 4. Especially now since I am taking time to myself and healing.

[OwlSoul]

He also says that we both need time alone for now, but he is hoping we can get back together one day.

It is b/s.

It is different for every single case. My ex also asked for time. He got it, now we're dating for over a month now.

 

Yes they love us on some level; yes they really really love to have us close to them in their lives.

And yes, they really want to feel deep love and feel the passion of the honeymoon stage. Who would not? The thing is, it is the dumpee who demands the partner to show more care and love more, intead of changing him/herself.

 

The question for every single dumpee: Would you fell in love with the person who you are right now?

 

However, there IS only about a 4% chance that they are going to realise that they are still madly in love with us and want to have us back.

Where do you get those statistics really? I might sound like an *******, but I am really sceptic when someone starts involving some kind of percentage and statistics 'there is only 0.1% chance it'll work, ony 1% of exes come back' and etc.

 

And it will take a year or more at the very LEAST to come back together and start a new relationship.

Agree about it taking a lot of time. I'm currently dating my current ex (he-he, still keeping calling him this) for 1.5 months now.

[picklypickly]

I feel like the statistics are dodgy too. From my own personal experience, chance of reconciliation could have been 100% and has been at least a solid 75%. That being said, almost every married couple I know (even my parents) has gone through a breakup at least one point in their lives.

 

What I think matters the most is the actual breakup. Amicable breakups beget amicable friendships and a possible rekindling of the spark. Acrimonious breakups don't. And even then, I'm not sure how valid that theory is as with ex no. 3 I was so sure we hated each other before reconciling. I pulled some crazy ex stuff and so did he, and we still reconciled for a good four months.

 

Anyway, Owl, would you mind telling more about your relationship? How long you were together, reasons for the breakup, who was the dumper/dumpee, how you worked together to reconcile? I'd love to hear it.

 

Also, day one of NC for me. His birthday is on May 27--not sure I'm going to wish him a happy birthday. He leaves June 14. I might stay mum for a few weeks, then give him his gift in person before he leaves and keep the afternoon light and fun with maybe lunch or coffee together.

[picklypickly]

Also--question: he finds out May 22 if he'll be back here in NY in either August or October. Of course I want to know if he will be.

 

Should I break NC to ask him or hold out to find out in June when I break contact after a few weeks?

[OwlSoul]

Anyway, Owl, would you mind telling more about your relationship? How long you were together, reasons for the breakup, who was the dumper/dumpee, how you worked together to reconcile? I'd love to hear it.

 

Briefly, I was the dumped one. We were together for more than a month before the first break-up. Knew each other for about 3 years.

The for the break-up reasons were... honestly, in my point of view, it's about me getting insecure and pressuring too much up to the point when he started feeling guilty. Guilt is the attraction killer. I lost my love towards another guy because I was feeling there is something wrong with me if I cannot love back and etc.

We haven't worked, we're still working over it. It's still in the process.

 

I made a couple of topics. The first one was posted when I was getting through the anger stage:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/379763-love-hell

 

I made the second one when I realized that I am not going to give up and it still can work between us. So I was explaining what were I doing and general feelings:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/382801-way-i-decided-do

[picklypickly]

Well, that's it.

 

I think I ruined every chance for reconciliation and I'm ok with it.

 

I've been feeling down in the pits of despair lately. Tonight I had been feeling so down and told my ex I didn't want to live anymore. This is something that has been brewing inside me since 2009, and is not entirely due to him. Now that we are broken up though I will be entirely responsible for a $72,000 school loan for conference interpreting (my dream and the ONLY school in the ENTIRE U.S.. Seriously.) or I will have to buck up and go to the school where I am enrolled and already paid 8,000 tuition for in his town where he is.

 

I feel so stuck and alone. I am going to see my doctor tomorrow for an emergency visit.

 

My ex called the police who came to my house. There is no reconciliation. I am happy for him because now he doesn't have to deal with me anymore. I did love him so, so, so dearly though.

[Leigh 87]

Are you okay?

 

I am worried about you....

 

I am SO sorry that it feels like you have lost your Fiance for good this time... Wow it must really be awful.

 

I scared my ex a lot when he left - I screamed, collapsed in a heap, screamed out no no no don't go, thrashed about and he had to hold me down, I LOST it.

 

Please look after yourself.

 

Let us know how you're doing please.

 

Your ex still cares about you! It is very hard to handle a person with depression, you have to work on yourself and back off from him, he DOES Love you I am sure or he would not have proposed.

 

However, like in my case, I just got too much for my ex to handle. Love is not always enough honey.

 

Just look after yourself please! Realise that you will lose every guy if you behave this way and do not get help, professional help!

 

I realise that unless I changed I would never get a guy to stick by me if I pushed him away the way in which I did...

[picklypickly]

Well the plot thickens.

 

Turns out it wasn't my ex. I had also at the same time been chatting with a good friend; my good friend called the cops/ambulance, not my ex. However I was not in danger and was not going to hurt myself.

 

In any case, I heard back from my ex. He says he definitely wants to pursue something with me as soon as I am better. He agrees with me when I say our relationship will be strong and awesome when I am ready.

 

So, kids... the moral of the story is this. If someone truly loves you, they will wait for you to be ready and able to be in a relationship with him.

 

I look forward to continuing therapy with him as a friend and when I am finally strong on my own two feet, trying a relationship with him again.

[Leigh 87]

Well good for you.

 

I'm glad you're okay.

 

And lucky you. My ex doesn't love me enough to want to work at a relationship I get therapy and change the things that hindered the relationship.

 

He lied really. ... saying he loved me enough to want to get back together once we worked on our issues. Really though, he was just really upset about losing our life together and was saying that to make himself feel better. Telling me it was not forever was only a way to make himself feel better. He's too stupid to even know how he feels and what he is doing though.

 

I wish my ex loved me as much as yours loved you.

[OwlSoul]

Leigh, I know you're hurting. But it is enough. Stop saying you wish your ex would love you as much as someone else in every single topic.

I would not love the person like you have turned into. So much negativity, venting. Gosh, even people who were dumped after longer lasting relationships were not like this.