Married when they weren't into each other in the first place

[irc333]

Ever known of married couples to divorce after so many years simply because they were bored or grew apart.....but, the catalyst FOR that "growing apart" was really I've heard some admit that they weren't really "into" each other in the first place.

 

Sometimes people have "sparks" then the spark dies...but why do people marry because they weren't into each other from the start?

[man_in_the_box]

Convenience, insecurity, laziness to find something better, external pressure, internal pressure (morality), "clock starts ticking", lack of self-worth, couldn't find anything better... There's tons of reasons to be honest. It's not right - but there's definitely a reason.

[USMCHokie]

Sometimes people have "sparks" then the spark dies...but why do people marry because they weren't into each other from the start?

 

Desperation.

[SJC2008]

Ever known of married couples to divorce after so many years simply because they were bored or grew apart.....but, the catalyst FOR that "growing apart" was really I've heard some admit that they weren't really "into" each other in the first place.

 

Sometimes people have "sparks" then the spark dies...but why do people marry because they weren't into each other from the start?

 

Could be a number of reasons! Societal pressure (It's what people do, age etc...). Not taking marriage serious, going into it with divorce as an option. Feeling sorry for them; My uncles first wife apparently married him becasue she felt sorry for him. Great! So you married a man and brought a child into the world becuase you didn't want to hurt his feelings!

[irc333]

Could be a number of reasons! Societal pressure (It's what people do, age etc...). Not taking marriage serious, going into it with divorce as an option. Feeling sorry for them; My uncles first wife apparently married him becasue she felt sorry for him. Great! So you married a man and brought a child into the world becuase you didn't want to hurt his feelings!

 

 

ON a postive note most of these divorces are quite amicable. lol That's not sayin' much though.

[aussietigerwolf]

the girl got pregnant...

[RiverRunning]

This claim can go both ways. In reality, I think a lot of folks claiming they weren't "into each other in the first place" truly were into each other. But, it ended poorly, so they go back and revise history - "Oh, well I knew it wouldn't work out anyway." If it hadn't ended in divorce, they'd probably still carry on with the, "The sparks are on fire and always have been!" story.

 

But, I think when people get married and the spark ISN'T there, they chalk it up to several things:

 

Nervousness about getting married

Reassuring themselves that after the wedding, their feelings will change

Believing that marriage will change the relationship, thus igniting the feelings

Believing that they are in too deeply to back out of getting married (Deposits have been made, families notified, etc.)

 

And the list goes on and on. People do a lot of things they shouldn't do out of fear and pressure.

[daletom]

Since cohabitation rather than marriage now seems to be the norm, you can probably get more insight by looking into why couples living together break up after, say, 5 or 10 or 15 years. They have more freedom and incentive to take that step since they don't have the legal entanglements of marriage.

 

An answer that hasn't been mentioned so far is simply a different definition of "marriage". It's not just the case (as it was a generation or so ago) that people go into marriage knowing divorce is a possible future option, but they actually expect the marriage to end. Occasionally they will even cite the circumstances before marriage. Rather than being a lifelong commitment between two people that supersedes all other obligations, marriage is considered a secondary attachment that takes a back seat to career, children, or just plain ego (i.e., "Do what's best for YOU."). In the ancient tradition of politically motivated "marriages", even today marriage is sometimes only a thin veneer over a business arrangement, or access to wealth or power.

 

Until a couple generations ago, lust leading to pregnancy was a sufficient justification for marriage. Some of these actually turned out well though some only lasted until the kids were grown or nearly so. Today even if there is a pregnant bride standing at the altar, I don't sense the element of coercion or obligation that previous generations experienced.

 

One factor that has persisted into the current generation from prior times is the "need" some people - both boys and girls - feel to "get away" from their parents or family situation. Marriage to any convenient partner provides a method to sever the ties and, once that has been accomplished, the marriage can be discarded.