aerosol Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 There was this girl I met a couple of years ago while I was at uni. She wasn't gorgeous or model stuff, but she was kind of like the female me in character so naturally we ended up being friends, and eventually go all the way down to sex though we never became 'officially' boyfriend-girlfriend. Anyway, we still were good friends and kept contact through post and skype, since we got to live like a continent and a half apart. Now, it's being times that I was driving alone, or just sitting staring at nothing, and the thought that came to me when remembering her was: 'For all those times that I wanted to, just tell you that I love you, and you weren't there' Anyway, as it was natural we kept going on with our lives, chatting away but never discussing any personal stuff apart from how ****ty our jobs were. About a month ago while on skype with her, a guy passes randomly behind her and she said that he's her boyfriend. Her expression changed from all happy and chatty to awkward and silent immediately. I was in a similar position for a second but changed the subject for the sake of not staring at nothing for the next hour. And this is what got me really, I wasn't expecting her to stay closed in a room wishing for me until the day she died, and it was good to know that she's doing ok. But somehow I just can't be happy for her even if she gets married and live happily ever after, I can't really be happy for her that some other guy is ****ing her. It's something I just didn't want to know about and now I know and I just can't talk to her again, cause whenever we talked she still was that same friend I had years back. ****, I just wanted that little corner of feelings of mine to stay mine, if you can even understand what I mean, now it's just spoiled.
richard9 Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Its totally understandable, that girl who you thought was the one for you, or special, is now with another guy. Im guessing you havent been with any girls since because this girl meant so much to you. So when you see her with someone else it makes you realise that she doesnt feel the same way, not on that special level anyway. I could never have stayed friends with my ex for this reason, that expectation that you can stay friends while they are ****ing some other guy still bewilderes me. They seem to think sex and who they're with means nothing. If its too difficult just move on and go NC man, its hard but it even harder and more frustrating to chat as friends then she goes to bed with the other guy. Use your energy to chat with a girl who you can actually maybe have a relationship with. Sorry but she's made her choice, shes gone.
portableversion Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 (edited) Its totally understandable, that girl who you thought was the one for you, or special, is now with another guy. Im guessing you havent been with any girls since because this girl meant so much to you. So when you see her with someone else it makes you realise that she doesnt feel the same way, not on that special level anyway. I could never have stayed friends with my ex for this reason, that expectation that you can stay friends while they are ****ing some other guy still bewilderes me. They seem to think sex and who they're with means nothing. If its too difficult just move on and go NC man, its hard but it even harder and more frustrating to chat as friends then she goes to bed with the other guy. Use your energy to chat with a girl who you can actually maybe have a relationship with. Sorry but she's made her choice, shes gone. lol exactly one time my ex told me so what im ****ing someone else now get over it, its no big deal, I was thinking that was completely absurd, well I guess its no big deal when I tell her to leave me the **** alone im not her friend we either work on getting back together or nothing at all. AH its just no contact its no big deal get over it, its time to move on you got your friend leave me alone. Yeah its completely insane to chit chat about the weather and be all buddy buddy with someone you love and then they go **** someone else, jut ludicrous and very painful, extremely painful..........definitely got to stay away from these people it will just destroy your life more so than it already has, unless of you enjoy pouring salt on wounds and enjoy pain. Edited May 16, 2013 by portableversion 1
portableversion Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 (edited) i had done some praying and meditating and really had to conclude that anyone who can tell you that sex is no big deal, has a certain few things they are possibly dealing with, A) they are ignorant or naïve B) they are a major slut or whore Either way its a morality set that I cannot trust, if they think it's no big deal they would probably cheat and not be bothered. People are really fools to minimize how powerful sex is.. it is what defines a relationship, its what sets one relationship apart from another one. Its the glue that makes people want to be be real serious about someone else, well unless of course they are a slut or a whore, or just stupid. Yeah to be tossed under the bus and have that bond still in place because the sex glued you to another person is gonna make it impossible to be on real good terms with them when they are now doing that kind of bonding with someone else, its the ultimate in rejection. Friendship is not possible no way in hell. NOw I could understand forgiving someone if they had a one night stand and felt real bad about it, but the person who dumped you and is in a relationship where they repeatedly have sex they just need to go kick rocks or pound sand, get lost get gone get out of here, go away good bye. well the other option is they are really truly done with that other person and they want to try to work things out with you, then and only then can the rebuilding take place. I know I have seen in my healing process that low self esteem is something that has been in my life for a long time, and low confidence, but it aint that bad where im gonna tolerate such bull****, selfish inconsiderate, abuse in my life. I have enough self love to reject things like that which make me want to puke. Kinda funny sex came up as a topic tonight at aa, and I can tell that no body there tonight thinks its a small trivial matter, it's a huge thing that God gave us and the damage it can wreak is monumental, or the blessings it can give are out of this world. It truly is a big deal, way bigger than us it cosmic and supernatural, its a divine experience, that cannot to be taken lightly. Edited May 17, 2013 by portableversion
Author aerosol Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 Thanks for the advice. We both knew that things will never work out, personally I have never been a supporter of long distance relationships. I knew that she would find someone as I had committed to another relationship, I just didn't want to know that information. Like, I didn't want to know that a dick was right there for sucking right after she was done with me, just keep it away while she talked to me, as I never talked to her about that manic MILF at work that I kept hitting on for the last 2 months.
bob the brave Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Been there, done that. You missed the boat. Maybe you didn't know you loved her then. Sometimes, we don't know what we had until its gone. Been there, done that. You have to determine first, if it is love or ego. Is it just because she replaced you? I mean, if she became a missionary in say Africa and you knew she would never be with another guy, would you pine for her? Miss her every day? If you love her and she is not serious with this guy, you got to tell her. You will NEVER be happy if you don't and you will always regret it and hate yourself for not trying. Life is too short.
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