Cloud9.5 Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 One night stands, short casual flings etc etc... that's ok, nobody is emotionally invested. But what if you date somebody and it's going to the next level, becoming committed and exclusive to somebody, and them to you... but inside you're still in love with your ex (without potential, they've moved on 1 year after the break up, and you have no interest in getting them back even if you could, but you can't anyway even if you wanted to)... Is it right for you to put yourself and somebody else in that situation? Should you ever make it known if things start to "get to you", i.e becoming distracted by thoughts and feelings about your ex, while in your new relationship...?
aisuru Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Nope, it's not okay. I probably killed a potentially good lifelong relationship because the first 6 months I wasn't over the last event in my life. I didn't allow an emotional connection from my end. I knew I shouldn't have gotten involved, but he was pretty much the guy I'd been looking for all my life if you will... so I let things happen. Unfortunately, it all came to a crossroads. My fault, my bad. I won't do that again.
Author Cloud9.5 Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 Nope, it's not okay. I probably killed a potentially good lifelong relationship because the first 6 months I wasn't over the last event in my life. I didn't allow an emotional connection from my end. I knew I shouldn't have gotten involved, but he was pretty much the guy I'd been looking for all my life if you will... so I let things happen. Unfortunately, it all came to a crossroads. My fault, my bad. I won't do that again. So I'm supposed to stay single using girls for one night stands and short lived flings until my psyche decides it's no longer in love with my ex?
Tinie Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 No, because you're only treating that person as a rebound- a distraction from your ex, and it's not fair to them.
Author Cloud9.5 Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 No, because you're only treating that person as a rebound- a distraction from your ex, and it's not fair to them. A rebound relationship comes shortly after the break up, you have no chance of becoming emotionally invested in it... it's "just a rebound"... I've already done that, I had a short lived rebound relationship 3 months after the break up. This is now 1 year later... I know I would be able to fully commit to somebody, it wouldn't be halfhearted or taken for granted... my ex is one year back into the past and that chapter of my has ended... I do still love her but why can't I begin a new chapter? Maybe this is exactly what I need?
TaraMaiden Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Get your head sorted before you inflict it on someone else. OK? 1
aisuru Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 So I'm supposed to stay single using girls for one night stands and short lived flings until my psyche decides it's no longer in love with my ex? Might be time to figure out why you're not over your ex and decide whether to contact her for reconciliation or MOVE ON. How would you feel if the shoe was flipped and you were being used? Stop justifying one night stands and short lived flings with "BUT MY HEART IS BROKEN, WAAAHHHHH." Figure it out, deal with it and move on dude. (and believe me, I've done all of the above)
Author Cloud9.5 Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 Get your head sorted before you inflict it on someone else. OK? Life used to be so simple...
todreaminblue Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 One night stands, short casual flings etc etc... that's ok, nobody is emotionally invested. But what if you date somebody and it's going to the next level, becoming committed and exclusive to somebody, and them to you... but inside you're still in love with your ex (without potential, they've moved on 1 year after the break up, and you have no interest in getting them back even if you could, but you can't anyway even if you wanted to)... Is it right for you to put yourself and somebody else in that situation? Should you ever make it known if things start to "get to you", i.e becoming distracted by thoughts and feelings about your ex, while in your new relationship...? i stopped dating because i had feelings still for my ex......i dont think it is right to go in to dating with feelings for an ex........and hurt someone else......or myself.....so i didnt date...i am ready to date....but now......i am thinking of someone i like who i have known for about a year.....i think of him often which is making me balk at dating...i just have to take the plunge.....and just do it...which i will....soon.....maybe...lol......deb
Leigh 87 Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Yes it is wrong. If it takes me two years to fully stop loving my ex in a romantic way, then so be it! Casual hook ups are fair game, but I have WAY too much integrity to lye to a person who is into me, when I am secretly still MORE invested in my ex... What do mean by loving your ex? I think that if your honest; we will always love a person who we once deeply loved on all levels. To ME, still loving my ex would entail: - dropping my new partner in an instant for my ex if he came back - still thinking more about my ex than I do my current guy - caring more deeply about my ex than I do about the current person ( although if you have not been with them very long this does not count.. of course your going to care more about what happens to your ex if you were with your ex for years, and have only just bloody met the new person!) - thinking more about your ex when you jerk off than you do about your current partner ...................................................... If you LOVE your ex on a deep level that is NOT romantic, and you simply love them as people, and love them the same way you love your family, then yes, by all means date other people.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Put the shoe on the other foot. If you found out the girl you're dating is still in love with her ex, how would you react? Assume that you're just what she needs to move past her ex? Doubtful. Don't do that to someone. Wait until you've really and truly moved on.
Leigh 87 Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 hold on guys, just hold on for a second... maybe if is inferring to that " always love them" feeling? You know.. That sense that you will always love someone on some level even after your not together for a good while? I think that feeling sounds normal. I mean - as long as he is not thinking about his EX in a more fond way than he is regarding his new dating prospects!
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