What would you do? Need someone to talk to

[prettycutesoul]

Hi everyone I wrote in another post where I realized from 2 other posters this ain't a normal relationship. But wondering what I should do, or what would you do in this situation? Is this normal bf cause this is all I know I dunno I just guess I want to vomit it all out here on the forum cause I can't do it elsewhere and would like to talk to someone. Thanks for reading.

 

So my ex still says he loves me and doesn't want to break up with me. But here's the deal.

 

- For 8 years I have been with him, he has not spent a dime on me (not even an ice cream cone) and I've been ok with that... up until this year.

- He loves his career way more than me, he would pick going to work on weekends over seeing me- by CHOICE.

- Everytime we see each other it's his terms (never mine), for example he wants me over I'll go, but when I want to see him- nope not convenient for him.

- Additionally, I did plenty of things for him, I sacrificed a lot of things for him... and I am ok

- I agree with anything he says- i agree with everything he wants and says... But he doesn't agree with anything I want ever. Not even once.

-I feel lonely with him MOST of the time....

 

I mean I got used to all of this but after 8 years it slowly dawned on me this isn't a loving relationship is it? It feels very one sided one. I'm not perfect god forbid, but I don't do all of the above to him.

 

The only reason I finally broke up with him was because I went through a tragic moment and he wasn't there for me period. He let me cry and left me alone cause he couldn't deal with it. But i was there for him for 8 years non stop whenever he had breakdowns about his family or his job... I was there.

 

I don't know am I being too much of a brat? Since he says he still loves me and doesn't wanna break up. Or is this doormat status. I feel like this entire relationship is convenient to him but not me. Hence why I broke up with him but he keeps telling me he loves me. I mean guys dont just say that easily do they? Like in my previous thread I said I don't know what a real gf or relationship feels like- and someone pointed out I love my bf unconditionally to put up with this for 8 years and continue to make HIM happy but not myself.

 

But I don't know what love really feels like. I just feel lonely with the guy I've been with for 8 years. Clinging onto something I am comfortable and know.

 

I just need someone to knock sense into me and talk to me about this. My friends put up with him for 8 years I don't think they wanna talk about this and even if they do it's biased - want other people's POV. Because I want him but don't want him, messy.

Edited May 16, 2013 by prettycutesoul

[flowergirl13]

Im sorry you feel so low, and so down. You know my story, I’m obviously not the most straight minded, logically thinking person… but, despite this, I do feel that in your relationship, you have put the needs of your BF ahead of you. That’s what it sounds like anyway.

 

In every relationship (and I've learnt the hard way), its about both people's needs and wants. Does he support you, and make you a priority? Does he listen to your concerns and work with you to address them?

 

We aren't perfect, but at least we can try... by the sounds of things, it doesnt sound like this guy has tried for you. Sounds more like he knows you're a good catch, you've been there to support him, encourage him, motivate him.. course he can do with such a positive and loving environment.. but does he deserve it!!!!

 

You deserve better girl... I wish I could say he may change, but 8 years is a really long time to dedicate yourself to someone and not have them treat you with the same respect and devotion.

[prettycutesoul]

Im sorry you feel so low, and so down. You know my story, I’m obviously not the most straight minded, logically thinking person… but, despite this, I do feel that in your relationship, you have put the needs of your BF ahead of you. That’s what it sounds like anyway.

 

In every relationship (and I've learnt the hard way), its about both people's needs and wants. Does he support you, and make you a priority? Does he listen to your concerns and work with you to address them?

 

We aren't perfect, but at least we can try... by the sounds of things, it doesnt sound like this guy has tried for you. Sounds more like he knows you're a good catch, you've been there to support him, encourage him, motivate him.. course he can do with such a positive and loving environment.. but does he deserve it!!!!

 

You deserve better girl... I wish I could say he may change, but 8 years is a really long time to dedicate yourself to someone and not have them treat you with the same respect and devotion.

 

I only recently felt that he hasn't tried for me... this ie because I started figuring out I tried much more than he did. And I did bring it up but his answer was always I had more time for this and he didn't... I mean what? I dealt with him for 8 years and he always has excuses. I got used to it. I don't know how to put my needs ahead of his anymore. He kept telling me he loves me so I automatically thought what he did was love

 

But he barely did anything for me. I feel like all he gave me was company when he DID have time for me. No presents, he doesn't listen to me much because when I tell him again the next day he forgets and says "did you say that?"

 

But I dunno why I was ok with it for 8 years! Like I said that's all I know. I don't think he can change in the last 8 years if he didn't think I was a catch he wouldn't have kept me... unless it's for convenience... maybe I am perfect for him cause I'm convenient for him... but maybe he's not perfect for me.

 

Thanks for talking to me flowergirl

[aisuru]

8 YEARS?!?!

 

Oh hell no!!!!

 

Run, don't walk from him. There is better out there and you deserve better!!!!!

[prettycutesoul]

8 YEARS?!?!

 

Oh hell no!!!!

 

Run, don't walk from him. There is better out there and you deserve better!!!!!

 

Ahhahaha YES 8 YEARS!!!!!

 

I wanna run, I dunno how? 8 years, I feel lonely already. Eventhough I was lonely while I was in the relationship. 8 years is a long time to just say you're outta my life ya know. Oh man :(

[flowergirl13]

I only recently felt that he hasn't tried for me... this ie because I started figuring out I tried much more than he did. And I did bring it up but his answer was always I had more time for this and he didn't... I mean what? I dealt with him for 8 years and he always has excuses. I got used to it. I don't know how to put my needs ahead of his anymore. He kept telling me he loves me so I automatically thought what he did was love

 

But he barely did anything for me. I feel like all he gave me was company when he DID have time for me. No presents, he doesn't listen to me much because when I tell him again the next day he forgets and says "did you say that?"

 

But I dunno why I was ok with it for 8 years! Like I said that's all I know. I don't think he can change in the last 8 years if he didn't think I was a catch he wouldn't have kept me... unless it's for convenience... maybe I am perfect for him cause I'm convenient for him... but maybe he's not perfect for me.

 

Thanks for talking to me flowergirl

 

We talked about ACTIONS right?? My ex () everytime we fight tells me he doesnt love me doesnt care for me.. the minute Im sick, he's making chicken soup, sending me 100x messages, buying me multi vitamins.. EVEN THO HE DOESNT LOVE OR CARE FOR ME.

 

Actions speak louder than words... What has he DONE for you to show you he loves you? When has considered your needs or supported you when you are going through a hard time? And, more importantly, can you TALK to him about your issues and know he will be there to get through it with you?

[aisuru]

What made you stay for 8 years? Don't you believe you deserve better?

 

Look deep within yourself to figure out why you allowed somebody to treat you this way for EIGHT YEARS. Would you allow that from a girlfriend? From a family member?

 

I'd rather be single, miserable, and lonely, then in a relationship with somebody yet miserable and lonely. No thank you.

 

It's time for you to look in the inside at yourself. It's a good place to start.

[prettycutesoul]

We talked about ACTIONS right?? My ex () everytime we fight tells me he doesnt love me doesnt care for me.. the minute Im sick, he's making chicken soup, sending me 100x messages, buying me multi vitamins.. EVEN THO HE DOESNT LOVE OR CARE FOR ME.

 

Actions speak louder than words... What has he DONE for you to show you he loves you? When has considered your needs or supported you when you are going through a hard time? And, more importantly, can you TALK to him about your issues and know he will be there to get through it with you?

 

OMG I WISH!!! when I get sick my ex doesn't even know!!! He doesn't do anything your ex did!!! I am so jealous when I get sick I deal with it by myself. He'll only know when I call him and tell him and all he says is "sorry" but i dont get a visit. I don't get chicken soup or messages. it's very empty... but I got so used to it that I'm ok with it?This freaking sucks. I wasted 8 years of my life with a bf but actually not having one. oh my god.

 

Uhm he just tells me he loves me. He hugs me.... I am thinking of other things... I can't think of any. He just says he loves me and then hugs me.

 

We did talk about my issues and his answer was basically he has no time to do things. His answer is always he has no time cause he's busy or he has no means. But i mean coming to see me once a while doesn't involve means or much time. I am not asking for everyday. in fact i only see him once a week or twice ON HIS TERMS.

 

Oh my god I feel so sad and sick now I realize there's nothing i can pull from memory by ACTION that he did is Love. I don't know what is love. Anything nice he did tho? Maybe bringing me back for holidays cause I have no family here. But even then when we go back to his family he ignores me 100% of the time and his sisters and brothers keep me company ....

[prettycutesoul]

What made you stay for 8 years? Don't you believe you deserve better?

 

Look deep within yourself to figure out why you allowed somebody to treat you this way for EIGHT YEARS. Would you allow that from a girlfriend? From a family member?

 

I'd rather be single, miserable, and lonely, then in a relationship with somebody yet miserable and lonely. No thank you.

 

It's time for you to look in the inside at yourself. It's a good place to start.

 

I don't know. I thought it was a normal relationship I didn't think it was so bad until a bunch of people including his bro's and sisters pointed it out. I don't know what is better. He keeps telling me he loves me so i assumed what he did is love.

 

Thats what I thought in between those 8 years btw... I'd rather be single miserable and lonely than with someone, miserable and lonely! But i was so attached that I never had the balls to breakup with him... you know? I always threathen to but never done it.

 

I have to completely let him go first tho. it's a lot of effort.

[youngnlove89]

and I thought I had it bad....

 

I'm really sorry. I've also been with a guy like yours, maybe not as bad, but nonetheless for 2 years he used me and told me I wasn't the one and he saw himself sleeping with other girls in the future because something was missing in me.

 

He bought me flowers twice and that was it, hardly takes me out, never bought me anything on holidays, not even MY BIRTHDAY, doesn't take me on trips with him and his friends...the list could go on.

 

All my ex does is say he loves me and hugs me too. Throws in a few words here and there to get me goo goo gah and forget everything else.

 

It's sad. I put up with it for 2 years and I'm still going through it. I left him, but I know he will be back to do it again. He will call me in a few weeks, say he misses me or something like that and I'll go running back. It's been our cycle for 2 years.

 

Until we (you and I) decide to make it stop, to not let them do this to us anymore, we will continue to go through this hell. I can't imagine 8 years of that, I'm really sorry, but just know I know how you feel and I could easily see myself doing 8 years too (Although I hope that isn't the case!). It's hard to walk away because we are so messed up inside. We are so used to being treated like crap that this is normal to us.

 

I'm here if you ever want to talk!

 

By the way, how old are the two of you?

[aisuru]

I hope you both break your cycles.

 

I wasted 5 of my prime age dating years (27-32) on a guy I knew didn't like me, love me, or want me the way I THOUGHT I did him. From the beginning.

 

FIVE YEARS! Three of them living together. Six months before I finally said 'ENOUGH!' I was on my knees begging, crying, and pleading with him not to move out when his brother showed up to move him out secretly behind my back. A guy I knew before I committed to an exclusive relationship that I shouldn't be with.

 

Let me repeat that.... I WASTED FIVE YEARS WITH SOMEBODY WHO DID NOT DESERVE ME. That I knew I shouldn't be with.

 

Now why do you think I did that?

[prettycutesoul]

and I thought I had it bad....

 

I'm really sorry. I've also been with a guy like yours, maybe not as bad, but nonetheless for 2 years he used me and told me I wasn't the one and he saw himself sleeping with other girls in the future because something was missing in me.

He bought me flowers twice and that was it, hardly takes me out, never bought me anything on holidays, not even MY BIRTHDAY, doesn't take me on trips with him and his friends...the list could go on.

 

All my ex does is say he loves me and hugs me too. Throws in a few words here and there to get me goo goo gah and forget everything else.

 

It's sad. I put up with it for 2 years and I'm still going through it. I left him, but I know he will be back to do it again. He will call me in a few weeks, say he misses me or something like that and I'll go running back. It's been our cycle for 2 years.

 

Until we (you and I) decide to make it stop, to not let them do this to us anymore. I can't imagine 8 years of that, I'm really sorry, but just know I know how you feel and I could easily see myself doing 8 years too. It's hard to walk away because we are so messed up inside. We are so used to be treated like crap that this is normal to us.

 

I'm here if you ever want to talk!

 

By the way, how old are the two of you?

 

Hi Younglove, oh gosh I am sorry to hear about your situation too I mean that hurts he saying those stuff so mean ! IF my bf did something like that it would've been easier to leave him, but he made me believe he loved me by doing nothing at all that it's hard to leave :lol:

 

That's EXACTLY what my ex does. I mean he doesnt buy me flowers he says it's gonna die anyways so whats the point? He doesn't pay for anything or buy me presents for 8 yrs I am walking away not even with a piece of jewellery or picture of us... so i guess i dont have to throw anything.....cause I have nothing.

 

AND YES! his love is telling me he loves me A LOT... and then hugs... but that's it nothing like rushing to see me when I am hurt. One time I was cooking and cut myself REALLY badly and had to get stitches, and told him, you'd imagine he'd rush over to the clinic... NOPE his text just said "oh you ok. good. Sorry." LOLOLOL. And I just shrugged it off cause he's never there when I am hurt so I didn't even think what he did was wrong cause I was used to it.

 

I know what you're saying is right--- until we do something about it we'll be stuck. I did it for 8 yrs cause I thought this was a GOOD relationships... not perfect but GOOD ya know? Until reality hit me.... and i realized omigosh this is not good... this is not normal... is it?? I want to cry right now cause I look back and it wasn't normal it wasn't loving but I believed it was.

 

8 years of my life

 

Well I'm 26 he's 27. And I'd love to talk to you!!!

[prettycutesoul]

I hope you both break your cycles.

 

I wasted 5 of my prime age dating years (27-32) on a guy I knew didn't like me, love me, or want me the way I THOUGHT I did him. From the beginning.

 

FIVE YEARS! Three of them living together. Six months before I finally said 'ENOUGH!' I was on my knees begging, crying, and pleading with him not to move out when his brother showed up to move him out secretly behind my back. A guy I knew before I committed to an exclusive relationship that I shouldn't be with.

 

Let me repeat that.... I WASTED FIVE YEARS WITH SOMEBODY WHO DID NOT DESERVE ME. That I knew I shouldn't be with.

 

Now why do you think I did that?

 

5 years? oh no!!!! Im sorry to hear about your story too... why are they so mean??

 

I did think he didn't deserve me in 8 years but I don't know why I didn't leave earlier.

 

How'd you get out of it, or how did you drag yourself out of it? and feel better? Cause I feel like anything that takes longer is harder to get out of.

 

How do you feel now? Would love your advice on how to get out of this.

[youngnlove89]

Hi Younglove, oh gosh I am sorry to hear about your situation too I mean that hurts he saying those stuff so mean ! IF my bf did something like that it would've been easier to leave him, but he made me believe he loved me by doing nothing at all that it's hard to leave :lol:

 

That's EXACTLY what my ex does. I mean he doesnt buy me flowers he says it's gonna die anyways so whats the point? He doesn't pay for anything or buy me presents for 8 yrs I am walking away not even with a piece of jewellery or picture of us... so i guess i dont have to throw anything.....cause I have nothing.

 

AND YES! his love is telling me he loves me A LOT... and then hugs... but that's it nothing like rushing to see me when I am hurt. One time I was cooking and cut myself REALLY badly and had to get stitches, and told him, you'd imagine he'd rush over to the clinic... NOPE his text just said "oh you ok. good. Sorry." LOLOLOL. And I just shrugged it off cause he's never there when I am hurt so I didn't even think what he did was wrong cause I was used to it.

 

I know what you're saying is right--- until we do something about it we'll be stuck. I did it for 8 yrs cause I thought this was a GOOD relationships... not perfect but GOOD ya know? Until reality hit me.... and i realized omigosh this is not good... this is not normal... is it?? I want to cry right now cause I look back and it wasn't normal it wasn't loving but I believed it was.

 

8 years of my life

 

Well I'm 26 he's 27. And I'd love to talk to you!!!

 

Yea...while we are trying to give our "men" excuses as to why they are better or worse in this or that area, we are wasting our time realizing that we deserve better. We need to stop making excuses for them, we need to stop the "but this" and the "what if" etc. Fact is: they treat us like scum. That's it. Doesn't matter if he was really nice this one time, came to the rescue that time, said he loved me this time, and took me out to a nice dinner that time.

 

The fact that we are still making excuses to some how "validate" their wrong doings is still proof that we haven't learned our lesson. What we should be doing is forgetting the little crap they did here and there (which by the way was just to keep us fed enough to not leave) and remember all the BIG horrible bad things they did to use MOST of the time.

 

These guys are pathetic. THERE IS more out there. There are guys who know how to treat a girl, most of them are on here! It is possible to meet someone and find TRUE love. But we need to let these scum bags go first!

[aisuru]

5 years? oh no!!!! Im sorry to hear about your story too... why are they so mean??

 

I did think he didn't deserve me in 8 years but I don't know why I didn't leave earlier.

 

How'd you get out of it, or how did you drag yourself out of it? and feel better? Cause I feel like anything that takes longer is harder to get out of.

 

How do you feel now? Would love your advice on how to get out of this.

 

One day... I just realized I felt indifferent to him. I resented him. I resented myself. I didn't like who I was becoming because of the relationship. So I gave notice on our apartment, found my own one bedroom apartment, came home and told him "we have to be out of our apartment at the end of the month." He was shocked and begged for a day... but then decided to move in with his brother.

 

I think I spent the last six months realizing it would never work and mourned the breakup while still with him. One day, I just didn't give a damn. During that time I finally started taking care of myself. It just all fell together.

 

Two months after we moved into our own places, he proposed to me.

 

It was too late.

 

Today, I speak with him occasionally and I feel about him how I do my brother. I value his impact in my life and know I wouldn't be where I am today without that time he was in my life, but cannot for the life of me believe I spent five years with him. I have cried on his shoulder (metaphorically speaking) about my most recent breakup. He hinted around he would be open to rekindling.

 

But yeah... No thank you.

 

I was so desperate to be with SOMEBODY and in a RELATIONSHIP that I overlooked my self worth and sacrificed myself.

 

I am better for the relationship and hate to say I regret it. But I can say I learned from it.

 

I deserved treating myself better than that.

 

You deserve better than that. Figure out how to break the cycle for your own self worth and preservation.

[prettycutesoul]

Yea...while we are trying to give our "men" excuses as to why they are better or worse in this or that area, we are wasting our time realizing that we deserve better. We need to stop making excuses for them, we need to stop the "but this" and the "what if" etc. Fact is: they treat us like scum. That's it. Doesn't matter if he was really nice this one time, came to the rescue that time, said he loved me this time, and took me out to a nice dinner that time.

 

The fact that we are still making excuses to some how "validate" their wrong doings is still proof that we haven't learned our lesson. What we should be doing is forgetting the little crap they did here and there (which by the way was just to keep us fed enough to not leave) and remember all the BIG horrible bad things they did to use MOST of the time.

 

These guys are pathetic. THERE IS more out there. There are guys who know how to treat a girl, most of them are on here! It is possible to meet someone and find TRUE love. But we need to let these scum bags go first!

 

Yes we need to let them go. 8 years is a long time it will be a journey for me. I was attached to this guy - I would need crazy time and crazy help. Sometimes I feel the need to call him and give him a piece of my mind for putting me through a very bad relationship for 8 years! I refrained though.

 

I need to be alone for a while and assess myself. So the next time I find this next guy he treats me like how I treated my ex ya know? How are you doing with getting over your ex?

[youngnlove89]

Yes we need to let them go. 8 years is a long time it will be a journey for me. I was attached to this guy - I would need crazy time and crazy help. Sometimes I feel the need to call him and give him a piece of my mind for putting me through a very bad relationship for 8 years! I refrained though.

 

I need to be alone for a while and assess myself. So the next time I find this next guy he treats me like how I treated my ex ya know? How are you doing with getting over your ex?

 

It's been two weeks since we talked. I tried contacting him the other day, but he didn't respond. I was kind of stupid though, told him I'm seeing someone else. I think I just wanted a reaction out of him.

 

But he doesn't need me right now. When he does, he will start with the sappy crap. Send me "I miss you emails" and leave voicemails at 1am because he is thinking of me. I know his game so well.

 

It always feels like it's over, that he will never talk to me again, but it's just a waiting game till he falls week and calls me.

 

But this time, I want it to be different. Too bad we don't live near each other, we could go out and meet REAL men! haha

 

Just stay strong. You will have slip ups, you will break NC and you might even see him. I know the routine, I've been doing it for so long. But just keep coming on here to talk, to vent, to get advice. Read some of my threads, there is a TON of good advice on them. It's great.

[prettycutesoul]

One day... I just realized I felt indifferent to him. I resented him. I resented myself. I didn't like who I was becoming because of the relationship.....

 

wow, i admire your strength in this. I really want strength like that. I mean i have had moments where I wake up and wonder if I am in the right relationship but i always gave it the benefit of the doubt, like itll get better, this is just a rough patch etc.... i really had no strength to leave.

 

I will try to find a way to break the cycle because 8 years is ridiculous. 8 years for feeling lonely, alone. miserable, sad. Ugh i wanna cry again for being so stupid.

 

I like your post. It really speaks to me. Thanks a lot for your advice

[aisuru]

wow, i admire your strength in this. I really want strength like that. I mean i have had moments where I wake up and wonder if I am in the right relationship but i always gave it the benefit of the doubt, like itll get better, this is just a rough patch etc.... i really had no strength to leave.

 

I will try to find a way to break the cycle because 8 years is ridiculous. 8 years for feeling lonely, alone. miserable, sad. Ugh i wanna cry again for being so stupid.

 

I like your post. It really speaks to me. Thanks a lot for your advice

 

Aww, thank you. I'm glad it helped. I've come a very long way from then. I understand what keeps people in blah relationships. I do.

 

I'm here to tell you it can be better. I promise you.

 

YOU deserve better.

[prettycutesoul]

It's been two weeks since we talked. I tried contacting him the other day, but he didn't respond. I was kind of stupid though, told him I'm seeing someone else. I think I just wanted a reaction out of him.

 

But he doesn't need me right now. When he does, he will start with the sappy crap. Send me "I miss you emails" and leave voicemails at 1am because he is thinking of me. I know his game so well.

 

It always feels like it's over, that he will never talk to me again, but it's just a waiting game till he falls week and calls me.

 

But this time, I want it to be different. Too bad we don't live near each other, we could go out and meet REAL men! haha

 

Just stay strong. You will have slip ups, you will break NC and you might even see him. I know the routine, I've been doing it for so long. But just keep coming on here to talk, to vent, to get advice. Read some of my threads, there is a TON of good advice on them. It's great.

 

Lol Seriously! We could also prevent each other from making stupid ex mistakes like call them for justification - i did that a few days ago. Like did he really love me? etc omg so stupid. which is why i came here to prevent myself from doing so.

 

I am trying my best to stay strong. which is why I am here need to have people to hold me back. You are in a slightly better situation cause you know how it feels - i am kinda scared going into this. Would like guidance through the next few days so I don't do anything stupid.

[youngnlove89]

Lol Seriously! We could also prevent each other from making stupid ex mistakes like call them for justification - i did that a few days ago. Like did he really love me? etc omg so stupid. which is why i came here to prevent myself from doing so.

 

I am trying my best to stay strong. which is why I am here need to have people to hold me back. You are in a slightly better situation cause you know how it feels - i am kinda scared going into this. Would like guidance through the next few days so I don't do anything stupid.

 

Can you Private Message?

[prettycutesoul]

Aww, thank you. I'm glad it helped. I've come a very long way from then. I understand what keeps people in blah relationships. I do.

 

I'm here to tell you it can be better. I promise you.

 

YOU deserve better.

 

Yeah you do understand why and how people stay in blah relationships. Now I do too. Now my journey is getting over it. They say 1 month for every year? so 8 months? But i knew him 2 yrs before we got together so 10 months? hahah This is going to be long long long journey for me.

 

Thank you for telling me it will be better. That's what I want to hear. Right now I see my journey to be bleak as in I will call my ex, I will shout at him becaus I realize he didn't treat me well... I will cry over him. I will cry over why i wasted my life etc.

 

But thank you. I do deserve better! I have to see it through.

 

Younglove89, No I don't think I can PM I can't find the button to do so how do I PM?

[aisuru]

You will make it through this MUCH stronger. You'll discover things about yourself that you wish you had known sooner. You'll apply those lessons in future life situations, and relationships.

 

TRUST ME, the next relationship will be better as a result of this one. EVERY single one of my relationships has taught me something new and contributed to me discovering an even better relationship than the last.

 

It takes time.

 

Buy a journal and write our your thoughts, hopes, dreams, goals, and self observations. It will do you good. Write a list of what you want from your next relationship. Things you like or don't like. Things you want to accomplish in life.

 

Rediscover yourself. You likely buried parts of yourself, what you like, and who you are, to endure this 8 year relationship.

 

You'll be okay. Just keep repeating that to yourself. Over and over and over if you have to. Write it on a piece of paper and put it on your bathroom mirror if you have to. A daily reminder.

 

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.

[prettycutesoul]

You will make it through this MUCH stronger. You'll discover things about yourself that you wish you had known sooner. You'll apply those lessons in future life situations, and relationships.

 

TRUST ME, the next relationship will be better as a result of this one. EVERY single one of my relationships has taught me something new and contributed to me discovering an even better relationship than the last.

 

It takes time.

 

Buy a journal and write our your thoughts, hopes, dreams, goals, and self observations. It will do you good. Write a list of what you want from your next relationship. Things you like or don't like. Things you want to accomplish in life.

 

Rediscover yourself. You likely buried parts of yourself, what you like, and who you are, to endure this 8 year relationship.

 

You'll be okay. Just keep repeating that to yourself. Over and over and over if you have to. Write it on a piece of paper and put it on your bathroom mirror if you have to. A daily reminder.

 

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.

 

 

Best thing I have heard since my breakup. I want to believe you so badly and I do!! I'm just really scared I might cave. I caved for 8 years, taking myself out of this hole will take a while. However if I come back here when I do cave, I hope to hear from you. You're very wise!

 

I'll be okay. I'll be okay. Hahah thank you. I SOUND like i have a good head but I am very emotional and crazy sometimes, hopefully it won't come out during this breakup.

[aisuru]

We all have the potential for a little crazy in us. Believe me, I know.

 

It's hard to realize the constant in your life is gone. That support, whether good or bad. I know... It hurts.

 

You can talk to me any time. Write it out here. Write it on a piece of paper. And take walks. You have to get outside and move. It makes a difference.

 

Believe in yourself. Believe you can do better. Believe you will be better. Because you are the only constant in your life. YOU. YOU. YOU. You are all you got right now.

 

You're going to hurt. You're going to endure ups and downs. You're going to have to process some very raw feelings. Five steps forward and ten steps back. But eventually you won't count the steps and won't notice when you're faltering, because you will have a destination in your sights and be able to see that you're closer than the day or week or month before.

 

But it's worth the ride.

 

If you can make it through an 8 year BLAH relationship, you can make it through the recovery of an 8 year BLAH relationship.

 

I promise you. Don't be afraid to ask for support.