Do girls want only a manly man?

[bob the brave]

Girls let's suppose you see a guy that is reasonably good looking and in good shape. That is he looks like a man. But he is very open, funny and very self-dreprecating in an honest, healthy way. Could you find this attractive?

 

I have this type of personality. I think it serves me well in general and it is just me.

 

However, I think it may be hurting my chances with the opposite sex. I think I may be inadvertantly painting a picture of myself as weak and insecure. Those who know me get it and know what I am doing. But I think many others, especially girls, see it as a weakness.

 

Should I tone it down and live closer to the vest?

[KungFuJoe]

The only thing that "stuck out" was self deprecating.

 

I am not a fan of self deprecating in ANY manner...especially when you're dating someone new. You don't have to brag yourself up...but don't talk yourself down either.

 

But...give me some examples of what you mean by self deprecating.

[pteromom]

Girls let's suppose you see a guy that is reasonably good looking and in good shape. That is he looks like a man. But he is very open, funny and very self-dreprecating in an honest, healthy way. Could you find this attractive?

 

I have this type of personality. I think it serves me well in general and it is just me.

 

However, I think it may be hurting my chances with the opposite sex. I think I may be inadvertantly painting a picture of myself as weak and insecure. Those who know me get it and know what I am doing. But I think many others, especially girls, see it as a weakness.

 

Should I tone it down and live closer to the vest?

 

 

I find that behavior VERY attractive. As long as it is in an honest healthy way, and not an outward indicator of crippling insecurity.

 

No, don't tone it down. Be yourself. Being yourself may mean that some people won't "get" you, but those aren't the people you want anyway. You want a girl who thinks you are funny and is on the same wavelength as you.

[bob the brave]

The only thing that "stuck out" was self deprecating.

 

I am not a fan of self deprecating in ANY manner...especially when you're dating someone new. You don't have to brag yourself up...but don't talk yourself down either.

 

But...give me some examples of what you mean by self deprecating.

 

Like say..."I won't buy a smart phone because I'm afraid I won't be able to use it."

 

I was having trouble at work once and my boss asked, " I thought you made this simple to use?" To which I responded, "Yes. I made it idiot proof, but for some reason I can't open it."

 

I use phrases such as, "If I wasn't such an idiot..." more than most. I say it as commentary, by humbling my existance it is a reminder that we are all maybe not as smart as we think. But, I think people who don't know me may see this as low self-esteem.

 

Maybe it is more frequency than content. People hear something even in jest, they might begin to believe it. It is just I don't like postering and BS so I go out of the way to negate it by doing the opposite. Instead of enlightening others, I think I just come off stupid or with a low self-esteem.

 

I have seen coworkers hide or poster to spin mistakes, when I will call attention to mine if it is important to the issue at hand for the same reason. It seems enough of this and people lose respect for you even though they should have more.

Edited May 16, 2013 by bob the brave

[Mme. Chaucer]

You can probably bag the "I'm an idiot" stance. Otherwise, you should be who you are. Girls who like that will be actually liking YOU. Instead of falling for a fake persona. Which is not going to bode well for the girl or for you.

[Ruby Slippers]

Running yourself down isn't attractive. The occasional jab at yourself can be cute and show a little humorous humility. But if it's a habit, it's not good. No need to talk yourself up - but also no need to run yourself down.

[hppr]

Women think that stuff is real and genuine. I made a joke about being dumb on a job once (I said 'stupid is as _____ does) and several women thought it was real. They just DON'T GET IT. It doesn't compute for them. Their funny bone is in the wrong place or something. Either way don't use it around a girl that you are interested in, or at least try to tone it down until you get to know her and establish some sort of rapport with her.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Women think that stuff is real and genuine. I made a joke about being dumb on a job once (I said 'stupid is as _____ does) and several women thought it was real. They just DON'T GET IT. It doesn't compute for them.

 

I have a special request for you. Would you please stop saying what women think, what women "get," what women feel, etc.? It's offensive, and, frankly, it makes you look very ignorant. Because, clearly, you have no idea.

 

Regarding your opinion of women's sense of humor … I have a feeling that the reason nobody gets your "jokes" might be because you're not witty or funny at all. Might that be the case?

[KungFuJoe]

Women think that stuff is real and genuine. I made a joke about being dumb on a job once (I said 'stupid is as _____ does) and several women thought it was real. They just DON'T GET IT. It doesn't compute for them. Their funny bone is in the wrong place or something. Either way don't use it around a girl that you are interested in, or at least try to tone it down until you get to know her and establish some sort of rapport with her.

 

You have no idea what women think...that's plainly obvious.

[KungFuJoe]

Like say..."I won't buy a smart phone because I'm afraid I won't be able to use it."

 

I was having trouble at work once and my boss asked, " I thought you made this simple to use?" To which I responded, "Yes. I made it idiot proof, but for some reason I can't open it."

 

I use phrases such as, "If I wasn't such an idiot..." more than most. I say it as commentary, by humbling my existance it is a reminder that we are all maybe not as smart as we think. But, I think people who don't know me may see this as low self-esteem.

 

Maybe it is more frequency than content. People hear something even in jest, they might begin to believe it. It is just I don't like postering and BS so I go out of the way to negate it by doing the opposite. Instead of enlightening others, I think I just come off stupid or with a low self-esteem.

 

I have seen coworkers hide or poster to spin mistakes, when I will call attention to mine if it is important to the issue at hand for the same reason. It seems enough of this and people lose respect for you even though they should have more.

 

You're probably just a very humble person. Which is great. The world needs more people like you. But, to someone who just met you or doesn't really know you, it may come across as low self esteem. Just saying. Keep it neutral...too many "I'm an idiot"s and people might start believing you.

[goneundone]

Okay.. you asked, I'll tell.

 

A manly man to me is:

A man that can fix things, preferably a builder, contractor, mechanic, etc.

Therefore he has strong rough hands demonstrating his hard work.

A man that goes after what he wants and believes that failure is not an option.

A man who is comfortable in his own skin, and doesn't require the approval of everyone else.

A man who I can be stranded in the mountains with, and feel safe because he has survival skills and can hunt for food and build us shelter.

A man who is easy going, has a great sense of humor, loves to smile, has a positive energy, and enjoys laughter.

A man who is gentle to his woman, is able to communicate his thoughts and feelings, and who can be empathetic.

A man who does not spend his time watching tv, or on the computer.

A man who does not have a facebook profile, and who doesn't know how to use a smart phone.

A man who is not addicted to pornography, would rather save his sexual energy for his woman, and wants to make his own porn with his lover.

 

Is that too much to ask? Am I weird or something?

 

For me it's hard to be attracted to a man with soft, well manicured hands who can't fix anything, who has no idea how to survive in the mountains, and who sits in an office all day in front of the computer. So yes, I'm only attracted to manly men, or at least what I consider a manly man.

 

Hope this helps!

[hppr]

You have no idea what women think...that's plainly obvious.

 

And you do? Lots of condescension around these parts lol. I was in an attic pulling wires and I said that, the guys thought it was funny and the girls all got offended. Humor is just different for guys and girls I guess.

[Lani]

At the end of the day, and I know it's cliche, but you have to be you.

And if this is who you are then roll with it.

As long as you do it in a joking manner, and not constantly, then I don't really see a problem. It would become an issue if you did it multiple times a day, and were always wanting reassurance.

 

All women are different, and the type that suits you is the one who finds this stuff endearing. If you change things about yourself in order to attract more women, then you're potentially going to end up with a string of ones who are no good for you.

 

As for 'do women want a manly man'? Yes, we do. But manly comes in many forms, but universally it's about strength. In one way or another, you have to be strong. You'll find that most of us need that in some form to make us feel safe.

[KungFuJoe]

And you do? Lots of condescension around these parts lol. I was in an attic pulling wires and I said that, the guys thought it was funny and the girls all got offended. Humor is just different for guys and girls I guess.

 

I never said I did.

 

But I also don't make ridiculous blanket statements, either.

[hppr]

I never said I did.

 

But I also don't make ridiculous blanket statements, either.

 

Fair enough. I freely admit I'm guilty of doing that stuff, and on the internet no less.

[MissBee]

Someone who is "very self-deprecating" and masks it as a joke is not attractive to me. It does belie them being insecure and not happy with themselves, and if so, it is very hard to have a good relationship with someone like that.

 

It's one thing to poke fun at one's self...but someone who leads off with self-deprecation, masked in humor is obvious, and for me, not attractive. I don't see what manly has to do with this btw...

[USMCHokie]

Someone who is "very self-deprecating" and masks it as a joke is not attractive to me. It does belie them being insecure and not happy with themselves, and if so, it is very hard to have a good relationship with someone like that.

 

It's one thing to poke fun at one's self...but someone who leads off with self-deprecation, masked in humor is obvious, and for me, not attractive. I don't see what manly has to do with this btw...

 

This is true. I've been making a conscientious effort to lay off the Chinaman jokes, especially around the wimmenz...

[distorted_paranoia]

Toning yourself down is fine, I do that a lot. Now if you do it to an extent, for I am a girl, I can say I'll possibly get bored of the line, "If I wasn't such an idiot..."

 

Brilliant line, even though it is mocking your intelligence

 

To me, your personality is a guy I would like, simply put. Your self depreciating attitude is what makes you think and worry too much. Wake up to reality, you aren't as bad as you think.

[USMCHokie]

Brilliant line, even though it is mocking your intelligence

 

Question for the OP...are you actually lacking in intelligence...?

[Lani]

Does anyone else sing the 'Three and a Half Men' theme song when they see the title of this?

 

I can't stop.

[Imported]

Admitting to mistakes is one thing, calling yourself an idiot is something else. I don't do that to myself, I don't let other people do that to me.

 

You might think the girls don't get it, but the guys do.....the guys probably just think you're an idiot, but it is fine because they have a scapegoat if they need one.

[bob the brave]

I don't see what manly has to do with this btw...

 

I mean be assertive, commanding, sure of one's actions. Say like Indiana Jones would be a good example of a manly man.

 

It seems I see a lot of guys posture, not act macho or be a jerk, they just act more assertive and confident in situations then they should. We all know the example of the DIY guy that ends up paying the repairman twice as much to fix the mess he makes, himself.

 

Some girls think a guy like that is 'manly' because he is assertive. Even though he was stupid, he is manly. The 'smart' guy who says, "Gee, I don't know how the hell to do that, let's call a repairman." looks smarter but less manly.

 

I tend to protest against this BS by being self-depricating when I don't know. It is honest and real. I just wondered if women could respect that in a man or if I end up looking mousey.

 

From what I am getting here, the philosphy is ok, but apparently I was overdoing the selling of it.

[USMCHokie]

I tend to protest against this BS by being self-depricating when I don't know. It is honest and real. I just wondered if women could respect that in a man or if I end up looking mousey.

 

Why not just say you don't know? There's no need to joke to people and say you don't know because you're dumb.

[bob the brave]

Real men don't call themselves idiots. Your date isn't the time to practice your stand up routine. Know your audience.

 

Gotta say good advice. You're 2 for 2. thanks.

[Pyro]

Does anyone else sing the 'Three and a Half Men' theme song when they see the title of this?

 

I can't stop.

 

Is that a spin off from 'Two and a Half Men'? Not familiar with the show that you speak of.