JTP Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 This is my 2nd thread within short duration of one another but I'm just curious on your 2nd chances views are. Now I don't feel I'm in contention of having a 2nd chance anytime soon given my current situation, and I am gutted. But here's a few things that are running through my mind: - "Just being friends" after a relationship, if you disagree, and let things fly for a little while, clear both your heads, what happens? Do you think the 2nd chance happens? Do you think they'd rather leave it? - If they slept with someone else, would you take them back? - Do you believe in 2nd chances no matter how severe the break-up? - How would you enforce the 2nd chance? If it was you trying to make it happen, what would you do? Would you arrange the meet? Or would you wait lets say a month and see if they would arrange a meet up or contact? - is NC the most effective way of getting your ex back how you want them in your life? Or would you try keep contact? - What about 3rd chances? E.g. I've had a slight break-up in the past and we got back together after something stupid I done. Do you think the second time you do something terrible you could end up with another chance?
TaraMaiden Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 (edited) I'm keeping my tongue in check because I'm apt to be a bit testy with posts like this, but here goes: - "Just being friends" after a relationship, if you disagree, and let things fly for a little while, clear both your heads, what happens? Do you think the 2nd chance happens? Do you think they'd rather leave it? Forget 'friendship'. It cannot ever be a success if one person still has romantic loving feelings for the other. Friendship after a break, is more for the benefit of the dumper, than the person who has been dumped. It makes them feel better about dumping, less guilty, and that - if you agree to the friendship - you must be okay with things and actually, not be hurt at all.... right? Yeah. Right..... Friendship is off the cards. period. Finished. No discussion. it's not on. - If they slept with someone else, would you take them back? -Would you wear a pair of your shoes again, once someone else had worn them to run a marathon? No. Quite. Do you believe in 2nd chances no matter how severe the break-up? It's not up to us to believe in them. The couple in question both have to 100% want a 2nd chance, and work at it 100% together, earnestly and with the same goals. if that doesn't happen, it doesn't matter how many chances you have, they'll all fail.... - How would you enforce the 2nd chance? If it was you trying to make it happen, what would you do? Would you arrange the meet? Or would you wait lets say a month and see if they would arrange a meet up or contact? See above answer. Nobody can 'enforce the 2nd chance', so if you're trying to engineer that solo, put it out of your mind right now. You'll just humiliate yourself and make yourself look foolish.... - is NC the most effective way of getting your ex back how you want them in your life? Or would you try keep contact? Have you actually read the NC Guide? The whole point of NC is to NOT get your ex back.... It has nothing to do with them whatsoever. It's not about them, at all, in any way. It's only about you, and for you. See my signature.... - What about 3rd chances? E.g. I've had a slight break-up in the past and we got back together after something stupid I done. Do you think the second time you do something terrible you could end up with another chance? You're kidding.... right? I mean, tell me you're kidding...... Edited May 15, 2013 by TaraMaiden 2
Author JTP Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 I'm keeping my tongue in check because I'm apt to be a bit testy with posts like this, but here goes: Forget 'friendship'. It cannot ever be a success if one person still has romantic loving feelings for the other. Friendship after a break, is more for the benefit of the dumper, than the person who has been dumped. It makes them feel better about dumping, less guilty, and that - if you agree to the friendship - you must be okay with things and actually, not be hurt at all.... right? Yeah. Right..... Friendship is off the cards. period. Finished. No discussion. it's not on. -Would you wear a pair of your shoes again, once someone else had worn them to run a marathon? No. Quite. It's not up to us to believe in them. The couple in question both have to 100% want a 2nd chance, and work at it 100% together, earnestly and with the same goals. if that doesn't happen, it doesn't matter how many chances you have, they'll all fail.... See above answer. Nobody can 'enforce the 2nd chance', so if you're trying to engineer that solo, put it out of your mind right now. You'll just humiliate yourself and make yourself look foolish.... Have you actually read the NC Guide? The whole point of NC is to NOT get your ex back.... It has nothing to do with them whatsoever. It's not about them, at all, in any way. It's only about you, and for you. See my signature.... You're kidding.... right? I mean, tell me you're kidding...... Thank you for your response. You can be as testy as you want I appreciate your input and you have given me somewhat a good insight of things. I have cut the friendship part and I think I'm going to leave it a little while before I attempt to discuss anything again with her but thanks for your input, if you'd like to be 'testy' on something else of mine please check my original thread and help if you can too. If not, cheers for the help here.
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