Mr_hopeless Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 I am so hopeless at going further with girls I meet. I will meet them, then I don't take opportunity to pursue them further. For example, I met a girl in this shoe shop a couple weeks back and she was working at the counter. I managed to get some money off for a friend, then flirted (albeit a bit badly) and managed to make her smile. She mentioned to me "it's always nice to make friends" and before I left I shook her hand and said "it was nice meeting you" but I walked away without getting her number. I have done this plenty times before where a girl has shown interest in me, yet I am too damn slow to do anything and next thing she's gone and I'm left wondering & regretting. How do I stop doing this and actually become more assertive in situations like this? Too many times I've messed up chances and it's really p*ssing me off!
Roadkill007 Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 get a wingman to cue you in? is it more like you chicken out before getting her number? or that you sort of forget it?
Ed the 3rd Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Just ask for her bloody number before you leave next time lol. Simple stuff. What is she gonna do bite you?
nickkelly9 Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I can help here because up until the new year when I resolved to stop doing this, I was in the same exact boat. The key is to be what my best friend calls "outcome indifferent". Now I'm not totally there lol, but with regards to approaching a stranger and asking for a # after a relatively brief encounter, I am fearless. It really just takes repetition, practice, and a lack of caring about what she says in the end. So...here's some tips. 1. Next time you are out in public, resolve to approach every woman you find attractive. I'll admit I'm not comfortable approaching groups of women yet, but if you see a girl at her workplace or bus stop or whatever, just go up to her and find something to say. I usually try to mention something about our location or what she's wearing, just to start the convo. 2. Do not worry about if she says yes or no. Eventually, sure, you'll want to have success. But I'd say your first 10 approaches this way, just expect rejection and don't even sweat it. You need these practice reps to hone your approach and get comfortable. 3. Time constraints are amazing. Set one early. "I've got to meet a friend" or "I just have a second, but" when you start to the convo. Then at the end bring it up and say "But you know, I'd love to continue this conversation" or "I've really enjoyed talking to you" and then after those "can I get your number"? It's really that easy. 4. After every approach, regardless of outcome, play it back in your head immediately. Run it back, really pinpoint the places where maybe you said something dumb or didn't know what to say, or choked. Pinpoint them and think how you would do it differently. Then just kind of keep it in mind when you ponder this stuff, commit to it. The next time you approach, more than likely you won't make the same mistake. You might make another mistake, but not the same one. 5. Final piece. There's a very good principle known as Red light Green light. It basically says that positive signals from a woman are green lights to pursue further, and of course negative/rejection signs are red lights. But there's also yellow lights. And that's to say, you say something flirty, you touch her, you move closer, you suggest your interest, and she doesn't really respond positively or negatively, that is a yellow light and all that means is continue on. It doesn't mean you're in and it doesn't mean rejection. It means she isn't sure yes. But most women are smart enough and strong enough to stop you if things take a turn they don't like. Meaning if you touch her arm and compliment her in a more flirty way, or ask for her # and she isn't interested, she will simply tell you. The primary reason you freeze is because subconsciously you are terrified that not only will she reject you, but it will be the most horrible thing ever. It will not be. People are more polite than that. Hope this helps. At least get to my stage, where I get #s but then it dies.
hppr Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I agree with what Nick Kelly posted up but also think that you should change your name to Mr Awesome, or at the very least Mr Happy. If you're the type of guy who uses that sort of nickname everywhere it just might help you out a bit subconsciously. Not joking btw, the point is to think that rather than "I've screwed up a bunch of times, woe is me, I have bad luck" to think that "this time I'll get it right, this time will be the one". Always think positively, believe me it helps.
Ed the 3rd Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Ha nick if only I had your confidence. It would seem so much easier if I could talk to random women on the street but I never think of a line to start he convo.
hppr Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Ha nick if only I had your confidence. It would seem so much easier if I could talk to random women on the street but I never think of a line to start he convo. Here's what I do look at them, if they seem friendly, maybe if they make eye contact or smile then go talk to them. Pick out something about them to ask about, like one girl I saw at a store had these crazy earrings, another one had tattoos, one girl was always standing in a certain spot at a certain time wearing business attire etc. And then you just sort of go from there. If they are friendly and find you attractive then it'll be easy, if they aren't then they will be dismissive. Watch some videos on youtube of guys trying to make convo with girls to see what I am getting at.
nickkelly9 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 Exactly. The term ice breaker is misunderstood. I think people think of it in terms of there is a big slab of ice between you and her and you have to shatter it in order to start the conversation. But especially with regards to dating, that ice is not going anywhere until I'd say the first kiss. You're not breaking the ice, you just chipping it. Making a little crack that will grow and spread like in a windshield, until finally it all comes crashing down. That's why you don't need some grand line or statement. You just need something. If they do something wrong, make a little joke of it. Like we said, if there's something interesting about their looks, comment on it, ask about it. I've found one thing that works, and I think people go about this the wrong way, is complimenting their looks. There are two schools of thought I believe on this. 1) you should be direct and very complimentary, and if they accept your compliment then there is attraction. As in, I saw you and you have the most beautiful eyes/hair/etc and I just had to talk to you. Obviously your interest is known. 2) what you see in a lot of pick up sites and books, the idea that you should kind of play down her looks. Find a flaw to kinda joke about in a light hearted way, mention that you have dated (even if you haven't) many beautiful women or you work with all sorts of beautiful people so she knows you aren't caught up in her looks. For me, I go with my own, which is a combination. Obviously I do not have the track record to prove this ultimately leads to relationships, but for me I don't harp on their beauty but especially if I feel like I'm in a yellow light phase (see my first reply), I have no problem telling them in a brief, casual way that they are stunning, striking, whatever. I'm just now starting to play with this, but I'll say that I had two women who I did not get a chance to ask for numbers because it was at my workplace and they had to leave shift gears when I did. They kind of went from that dismissive, small talk ready to move on mode to warmer, a little more open. Of course it makes sense, just saying, don't be afraid to tell a person you think they are attractive just don't be so over the top with it that it is clearly this obvious come on.
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