ChrisC81 Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 My ex and I are reconciling. After being apart for almost 3 months to the day. Here to give hope to those who are heart broken. It can happen. I thought my case was an absolute loss cause. He wanted nothing to do with me. Even said he didn't see a future with me and was not happy, and no longer loved me. I was completely devastated and had to get counseling, and my heart was shattered. Now, he is telling me he loves me and wants to make it work. While you are broken up, live your life. No contact can work out in your favor, even though they say don't use it as a tool to get them back. I just wanted to share a success story, since this site has mostly negative outcomes. :-) 1
J_L_C Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 How did your reconciliation come to be? Were you in NC mode prior? Who contacted who?
Author ChrisC81 Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 How did your reconciliation come to be? Were you in NC mode prior? Who contacted who? We saw each other out. Talked briefly and it was very pleasant. I texted him the next day, and we chatted through text for a short time. Met for a drink a few days later and I planned it to be "light and fun" like everyone tells you to do. We both ended up pouring our hearts out. By the next day he made it clear he wanted to be with me. I am still in shock because I thought he wanted nothing to do with me, and had never really tried reaching out. You never know what the other person is thinking and feeling. I thought my case was impossible and that we would never be together again. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Hmmmm. Smells fishy to me. Did he say how he messed up? How he made a mistake? How he should have never let you go? How he has made changes in his life. How he wants you back? Or was it merely how he misses you? Tread lightly, my dear. For me thinks this may not be what you think it is. Hope I am wrong. Really do, but be careful!!! 3
Author ChrisC81 Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 Hmmmm. Smells fishy to me. Did he say how he messed up? How he made a mistake? How he should have never let you go? How he has made changes in his life. How he wants you back? Or was it merely how he misses you? Tread lightly, my dear. For me thinks this may not be what you think it is. Hope I am wrong. Really do, but be careful!!! He said all of the above. He was moving to another side of town in 2 weeks, and now is canceling all the arrangements and is staying since its closer to me. He didn't just say he misses me, he said wants to be together and wants to make it work. But, you are very right in being careful. I know that. After all, this person broke my heart.
Aijou Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 The question I'm interested in is how long were you guys dating? Short or long term?
Author ChrisC81 Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 The question I'm interested in is how long were you guys dating? Short or long term? Long term. Over 2 and a half years.
TaraMaiden Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Take your time. Remember, it's advisable to treat a reconciliation almost like a new beginning; Get to know one another again... let me give you a F'rinstance: I used to work with a relationships organisation, and began training to become a counsellor. During my time there, I met a couple who had gone to school with one another. They had known each other since they were in their first school days. They went to the same secondary school, and parted when they went to Uni. They kept in touch, attended each others' weddings and rejoiced in each others' growing families. In their mid-40's although they lived half a country apart, each went through a divorce. Each sought comfort in the others' friendship. Eventually, they met up again, and over time, developed a relationship, and decided to marry. Now, in order to get married in Church, as they both wanted, they were obligated to attend a 'pre-marriage' workshop, in which couples have to go through several written exercises, listen to talks, engage in steered discussions...One such course, I helped organise and participated in, as a 'group coordinator'. This is where I met this couple. They both felt such a weekend was utterly ludicrous; after all, they had been firm friends for practically all their lives. Their children were all friends. Yet it was required, and they attended reluctantly. Yet, half way through, the woman turned to her prospective life-time partner, and declared, astonished - "I really don't know you at all - do I - ?" This is how damn bloody good the course was. It turned peoples' pre-conceived ideas about their prospective spouse, on their heads. So many young couples were disgruntled about having to go through this charade..... and almost to a person, they were so glad they did..... I still have all the paperwork, because i intend to finish my pursuit and qualify as a counsellor. I still wonder how many of those couples use the tools they discovered, to help their relationships now they've been married a while....because it was a real eye-opener to most of them. (I have to add at this point, that every single person who finished the course, still believing it had been a total waste of time, was male. They were few, admittedly, Very much in the minority. But few as they were, the dissenters were all men.) Take it easy. It's important you both address the issues that broke you up the first time round, in a mature and responsible way. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 TM - I have heard of similar (usually religious) training's here in the states too. And with similar results as you describe. And, this male, would love such a resource to help in building a healthy, long term RS. Bring it on, I say. I welcome it 1
justletgo07 Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Did he say how he messed up? How he made a mistake? How he should have never let you go? These questions always really bother me. Why does breaking up with someone always have to be a mistake? Why does the dumper have to regret their decision to break up in order for reconciliation to be possible? Sometimes breaking up IS the right choice at the time, but that being true doesn't mean that reconciliation won't be the right choice for later. Sometimes break-ups can be positive. This idea that the dumper made a mistake just because you're heartbroken is way too black and white. Sometimes break-ups need to happen, and can be beneficial for a relationship 7
TaraMaiden Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 (edited) mtnbiker3000, When I became involved with this organisation, in the UK, it was indeed sponsored and funded by the RC church - but there was no barrier, discrimination or preference for any gender, religion, race or denomination. It was an open-door organisation, with no barriers. While their courses did include a religious aspect (and as it was an ecclesiastically-demanded course, that's not surprising - particularly as all the participants wanted to get married in church, which is why they were there!) it wasn't a 'shove-this-bit-down-your-throat' aspect..... I'll PM you..... Edited May 15, 2013 by TaraMaiden
Author ChrisC81 Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 These questions always really bother me. Why does breaking up with someone always have to be a mistake? Why does the dumper have to regret their decision to break up in order for reconciliation to be possible? Sometimes breaking up IS the right choice at the time, but that being true doesn't mean that reconciliation won't be the right choice for later. Sometimes break-ups can be positive. This idea that the dumper made a mistake just because you're heartbroken is way too black and white. Sometimes break-ups need to happen, and can be beneficial for a relationship I agree. In a way, I am glad it happened. It opened my eyes to so much I would have never known. I learned so much in our time apart and have grown. In our case, I think the break up needed to happen.
whisperoftheheart Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 brilliant story. really wish the best for you thanks for sharing a positive outcome regardless of skepticism if its right, then go for it!!
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