Are guys intimidated by a girl's male best friend?

[Estate]

I am dating a guy for almost a month now and today we had lunch with my male best friend. I think he might be intimidated by him, even though they got along great... for example when my friend went to the toilet, the guy i am dating finally took my hand and showed some affection.

Does this mean he felt intimidated by my best friend, who is overall pretty masculine, tall, wide shoulders, beard (whereas the guy I am seeing is more fragile, short and clean shaven).

 

Did you make experiences like that? Why is this? It bothers me a bit and I wonder why he is acting so strange... Maybe this is a common thing?

 

I'd just feel bad for him. He's pining after her while I'm screwing her.

[BeholdtheMan]

I am dating a guy for almost a month now and today we had lunch with my male best friend. I think he might be intimidated by him, even though they got along great... for example when my friend went to the toilet, the guy i am dating finally took my hand and showed some affection.

Does this mean he felt intimidated by my best friend, who is overall pretty masculine, tall, wide shoulders, beard (whereas the guy I am seeing is more fragile, short and clean shaven).

 

Did you make experiences like that? Why is this? It bothers me a bit and I wonder why he is acting so strange... Maybe this is a common thing?

Maybe

 

...or maybe he's just not as comfortable showing affection in front of a third party?

 

Why do you care? Do you view your current BF as "less of man" compared to your "male best friend"?

[USMCHokie]

I'd just feel bad for him. He's pining after her while I'm screwing her.

 

It's also possible that while you're screwing her, she's thinking about screwing him...

[Imported]

I don't believe there is such a thing as a "male best friend". A girl's best friend should be her boyfriend or her girlfriends.

 

I tend to agree with this.

 

While I will entertain the notion that attractive men can have platonic relations with attractive women, in my experience it always goes to **** eventually and I'd be better off not ever putting up with it from the beginning.

 

It is like doing something you need to do in life and taking a huge risk. And then one day you realize you can do it without taking that huge risk. In fact, why the **** were you ever putting up with that **** to begin with.

 

So yeah, I will drop girls because they have too many guy friends, spend too much time with a different guy, flirts with other guys (don't give me that innocent flirt **** or it's in her nature ****). Nope, won't even try to change a girl, that's just stupid and never works anyway. Will just move on.

 

 

This guy though, I'd bet he'll just put up with it. A little part of him probably has to be contained though and that is never a good thing.

 

If I am seeing a girl and she introduces me to some dude I would consider competition....well...he is competition. 2 man enter, one man leave. So don't do this **** to me. It will not end well. Either immediately or eventually. I will not trust. And the way I look at it now is to just walk away. A girl like this is not worth my effort. I will just have dirty rough sex with her and move on.

 

I have female friends that I'd never have sex with. I just don't see them that way. Because they are not attractive. I will hang out with them like they are guys. I will introduce a girl I am dating to them.

 

Attractive female friends....give it time, circumstances and we'll have sex. I don't hang out with them without it being in my mind that we will have sex. If I were dating a girl, I'd not only not introduce her to them, I'd not hang out with them alone. That would be disrespectful.

 

Take it from Biz Markie

 

[phineas]

Great video.

 

I agree with you point of view. I know a few women I find attractive I want to bang. I can hang out with them in a group and not hit on them or try anything because i'll wind up hanging with them again & I don't need that awkwardness.

 

But if they initiate us hanging out alone, I will go for it.

If they specify it is as "just friends" then it better be a "just friends" activity.

Like antiquing or going to a free bar concert & she will be buying her own drinks.

 

If she doesn't specify "just friends" I will be breaking the touch barrier buying a few drinks & going for the kiss at the end of the night.

 

As for women who claim their guy friends don't want to have sex with them, Offer them sex one night when you are alone. No strings attached.

 

See what happens.

 

And I don't mean give him signals or sit close to him. I mean straight out tell him you are horny, need some sex & he should be a pal & help you out. No strings attached.

[lamaga]

Maybe

 

...or maybe he's just not as comfortable showing affection in front of a third party?

 

Why do you care? Do you view your current BF as "less of man" compared to your "male best friend"?

 

I certainly don't. I care because I want things to be not awkward when we all hang out together. We actually did again last night and it ended up being a lot of fun, but another female friend of mine was there too so it was a bit more relaxed atmosphere, I guess.

[Estate]

It's also possible that while you're screwing her, she's thinking about screwing him...

 

Hahahahaha.... you just come out with the most ridiculous bull**** I've ever heard...

Yeah, she can dream about Johnny Depp for all I care, she's not with HIM. She's with the real quality guy, not her gay best friend dude.

[StanMusial]

Hahahahaha.... you just come out with the most ridiculous bull**** I've ever heard...

Yeah, she can dream about Johnny Depp for all I care, she's not with HIM. She's with the real quality guy, not her gay best friend dude.

 

I went out with a girl a few years ago that had a gay best friend. I wasn't intimidated at all but I couldn't stand the guy.

[monkey00]

Why wouldn't a guy be intimidated by their girl's 'best male friend'? Any guy would be.

 

I can certainly hang out with female friends in a group setting and be okay with my gf hanging out with her male friends in a group setting. But I think once someone hangs out with them solely in a 1on1 setting, it does kind of feel like emotional cheating.

 

Every guy knows what guys want and that's sex. For every girl that accepts and has a guy friend stick around, she's just using him as an ego boost.

 

My gf has a few male fans of her own, and I know some of them want to get into her pants and would absolutely do it if given the chance. But none of them are her 'best friend', I am.

 

OP, how would you feel if the tables were turned and the guy you are seeing introduces you to his best female friend? I'm sure it must stoke some kind of jealousy.

[USMCHokie]

Let's flip this around for a second...would a girl be intimidated by a guy's female best friend, especially if she was extremely attractive...?

[lamaga]

Let's flip this around for a second...would a girl be intimidated by a guy's female best friend, especially if she was extremely attractive...?

 

I certainly would be! But it would depend on her attitude. if she was extremely extrovert and trying ti be the center of attention the whole time, making inside jokes with him and showing that they are 'oh so close'... (which i had happen to me), it would annoy the **** out of me.

 

if she was likeable, i would probably be less intimidated.

[USMCHokie]

I certainly would be! But it would depend on her attitude. if she was extremely extrovert and trying ti be the center of attention the whole time, making inside jokes with him and showing that they are 'oh so close'... (which i had happen to me), it would annoy the **** out of me.

 

if she was likeable, i would probably be less intimidated.

 

What if it was like Dawson and Joey...? They grew up together and were best friends and shared a very strong emotional connection, but dating was just never in the cards. Would you avoid dating him?

[Jane2011]

I have two very close guy friends; I would even call them my best friends. But I think it works for me (and doesn't bother my boyfriend) because they really don't fit the mold of what people think of when they hear "best friend." I just mean that I am close friends with them (and have been for ages), not that I see them several times a week or talk to them every day. One lived in San Diego for four years (just moved back to my city last week); I only talked to him via email about four times a year; saw him maybe twice a year when he came to town to see his parents.

 

The other close guy friend lives in my city. Again, I don't see him every day. I see him in person maybe once every three months. We talk via FB probably once every two weeks.

 

My "best friend" in terms of who I talk to every day and share my daily life with is my boyfriend.

 

But outside of him, my closest friends right now are the two guys I mentioned. I'm not in contact with either one of them enough that he would be threatened in the slightest.

 

One of them is moving to San Francisco soon, and we were at a dinner party for him on Friday night.

 

I think the problem is that as soon as people hear "guy best friend," the assumption is you're on the phone with said "guy best friend" 24/7, doing things together constantly.

 

Also, I've never in my life been the type to have "guy best friends" up until recently. I have way more female friends than male friends, but of late, the ones I'm closer to and who actually have had staying power were the two males I mentioned. I technically have more female friends than guy friends, but they are just casual friends/good pals, whereas the guy friends I have are pretty much like family because I've known them longer and they know me better.

 

I like socializing with women more, really, for "girl talk," but when it comes to who'd be at my funeral or who'd lend me money if I really needed it, it's those guys I mentioned.

[apple OR orange]

why did you take a male friend on a date, WTF.... I would have walked if that happened.

 

Are we seeing what happens when you get Friend zoned, are you using your male friend (who would have wanted to go out with you) as fodder to get more ego boosts as you now have 2 males after you on a double date which these guys dont know about.

 

I bet your male friend was really eager to go on this dinner, he wants to make sure your new "friend" never gets a look in.

 

wow, people really are that bad.

[TheEnergizer27]

Wow, lot's of replies.

Well, first of all, I never introduced my best male friend as my best friend.

Also,he is living in New York, I live in Berlin, and he is only visiting for a week, hence why I had to bring him along to the lunch (which the guy I am seeing initiated). I said 'one of my good friends from New York is visiting' (where I lived for 4 years), never said 'oh my god, this is my very best friend, beware!', just to make that clear...

So, he's only around for a week to catch up on what's going on in our lives, and of course I wanted him to meet my love interest (it was important to me).

 

Also, I always put the guy i am seeing first (still reserved about calling him boyfriend though, he hasn't asked me yet, but I wish he would soon). I usually don't have any friends here since I just moved back from New York a few months ago.

 

Also, again, my friend and me have no history romantically or sexually. There is no tension and never has been and never will be. Just on a sidenote.

 

I don't think it was a mistake, at some point I guess you just meet the friends of the people you're dating. We also ran into this couple I know and we all agreed to have drinks on Friday so I wonder how the situation progresses (maybe the guy I am seeing will be less intimidated when more friends of mine are around).

 

Look, I know you guys have no history romantically or sexually, and that you think of him as a brother, and he thinks of you as a sister. but things can still develop. I know from my experience, and the experience of others.

 

For example, I've been with my current girlfriend for 2 years now. When we first started dating, she had a male friend whom she had known since college. When I immediately saw how often they talked/texted, I was of course a little leery. After her talking about him some more, I knew he had feelings for her...but I never told my gf these thoughts.

 

Anyways, as her and I started growing closer, weird things started happening. He started asking her to hang out more. She was going on a 2 week trip to Europe, and all of a sudden he was going at the same time (they were both planning a trip, but it wasn't until she told him her dates, that he chose the same dates).

 

I still didn't say anything. Eventually, he just told her he couldn't talk to her anymore (didn't go on the Europe trip.) His excuse was something in his family, but it was at this time that I told her that he likes her and seeing us together is probably frustrating for him.

 

She INSISTED that he only saw her as a sister and couldn't even imagine what I was saying. I told her to ask him. I was right.

 

Now even after all of this, I didn't ask her to stop talking to him, but she did that herself because she knew his intentions were not friendship.

 

Look, I'm not saying people should ditch their opposite sex friends, but keep it in perspective once you start dating someone. Especially if you are dating some seriously and can actually see a future with.

 

Even if there is nothing going on now, 90% of the time if you keep spending more or the same amount of time talking/hanging out with your opposite sex friend as your boyfriend or girlfriend, one party is going to develop some feelings despite your best intentions. Remember, we are all human. Just show some respect for your partner.

[crederer]

One of my ex's had a male best friend. She was accused me of being jealous of him several times, even though I honestly wasn't. It's possible you're reading into it too much.

 

Also, not that this has anything to do with your situation, but my ex tried dating this guy like 5 years before I was with her. That kind of upset me just cause she went on and on about how I have nothing to be jealous of (even when I wasn't) and then I find this information out and that is probably why she was so stuck on the idea that I must be jealous of this guy; because she knew there was probably a reason I should be.

 

He didn't want to have a relationship with her, though. He was the one that made it clear they were just friends.

[serial muse]

Second of all...from what you described in your opening post, I don't see anything that says he's insecure or intimidated by your best friend. So he grabbed your hand when your friend left...big deal.

 

Agree with this.

 

Also, I think it's kind of funny that people are getting het up about her bringing her visiting-from-out-of-town male friend to meet her new flame. Er. Isn't that exactly the right thing to do? Get it all out in the open, make it clear who's dating who. No secret friendships for the guy to worry about. Those hidden friendships are the red flag.

[Geiss]

We all know that the male friend wants to bang her. Women are very naive when it comes to thinking men and women can be friends. Women say yes, men say no.

 

I know someone already brought this up but if the shoe was on the other foot and he brought this girl along that was his best friend who was hotter than her you don't think there would be a problem.

 

It's actually kind of cruel what the OP is doing. She is playing a lot of games with both these guys. She friendzoned one so he is patiently waiting for his opportunity while the other guy feels threatened and probably confused and wondering what the hell is going on.

 

I don't have any female friends so this will not be a problem with me. But if a women did this to me I wouldn't like it. I would probably refuse to go.

 

Are you planning on going to see your male friend solo? I'm sure your boyfriend will appreciate that.

[serial muse]

Making that guy bigger, stronger, and more beardly than me would only make things worse.

 

OK, this made me laugh.

[SaintNick]

I am dating a guy for almost a month now and today we had lunch with my male best friend. I think he might be intimidated by him, even though they got along great... for example when my friend went to the toilet, the guy i am dating finally took my hand and showed some affection.

Does this mean he felt intimidated by my best friend, who is overall pretty masculine, tall, wide shoulders, beard (whereas the guy I am seeing is more fragile, short and clean shaven).

 

Did you make experiences like that? Why is this? It bothers me a bit and I wonder why he is acting so strange... Maybe this is a common thing?

 

Easy answer for me, YES! I have a best friend who is a woman and we ended up sleeping together.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

The friend wants to bang you, and the date knows it.

 

Why do women insist on having male 'best' friends? The only reason for the male to be your friend is sex. PERIOD the end.

 

 

Concise, and wholly accurate, PERIOD!

 

 

The only reason men have any interest in mere "friendship" with a woman (when not caused by family, workplace, or neighborhood) is because those men would much rather be banging those women.

 

(otherwise we'd all be hanging out on Pinterest and trading recipes and patterns for granny squares with you)

[ScreamingTrees]

Personally, I wouldn't feel intimidated by the situation OP presents, but I'm not going to be played, period. I'd probably call her and the guy out on it if I feel like the guy just wants to get in her pants..

 

I wouldn't be afraid to show affection, I don't see how this big doofy lumberjack goon could have a problem with it unless he's looking for trouble, and I'll gladly give anybody trouble if that's what they're looking for, I'm a very hot-headed person in that regard.

[thefooloftheyear]

I dont know..I guess I am old school...

 

As much as things have changed some things do remain the same..

 

A friend is someone who you talk to regularly, confide in, etc...

 

Most men i know talk about sports, politics, construction projects, business, cars. etc...

 

Most women I know talk about clothes, their Iphone, shoes, PMS issues, how fat they have gotten, etc..

 

Where do the two meet? I have had only one or two female "friends", both were office managers that worked for me and were very attractive. If I wasnt married I would be trying to take that friendship to another level...Maybe its an Alpha male thing,,,I consider myself an Alpha. If I wasnt, perhaps it wouldnt be an issue..

 

I dont like it...period..I wouldnt tell anyone what to do, but it might be a deal breaker for me. To each his/her own..

 

TFY