GG3 Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 About a year ago I broke up with a guy who became distant and told me he had relationship "doubts." It's a long story with a lot of details...don't want to get too into it. I had listed a bunch of my attributes at one point and said "What in the world are you looking for?" and he said that was "his minimum." I wrote him off as looking for greener grass. The funny part about it all, I make more money than him (I'm pretty certain he isn't looking to be taken care of, he always paid) and he is upside down on his house. He isn't the best looking guy in the world although he was cute to me. Was 42 and is starting to age more...you get the idea. I'm younger, make more money, have no debt, have a degree while he has none, no kids or ex drama...and since we both live in a smaller area, it's harder to find people that don't have a lot of baggage and have a good job. Anyway the point of my post...here it is a year later and I finally started talking to him again after many attempts on his part to talk. He's been flirting with me and saying how he isn't and hasn't been seeing anyone and makes it sound like he hasn't been able to find even one person he likes all last year. I'm open to hearing things out but cautious. I have never been a "what if I could do better" sort of person. I'm just not wired that way. But I had a girlfriend who is and she...like this guy...doesn't necessarily have a lot to offer to make her feel so much more valuable than everyone else. I think this guy does have a lot of good things but I just wouldn't consider myself better than that many other people if I were him. With the gf, it was very obvious to me that she was doing that out of low self-esteem and building herself up. I knew her so well I could tell and she was going through a breakup that killed her self-esteem I think. Does anyone else have any GIGS stories like that and ideas why these people are that way? Or anyone here do something like that to someone and realize later that they did that and care to share what was going through their mind?
leafguy Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I can shed my point of view on things and a story as well. I was with a girl for 2 years, engaged and thinking everything was fine. Over a span of three months, we went from great to splitsville (since then I am engaged again and dealing with a similar scenario), but anyways, both times have started with someone new coming into their life at work or school, or somewhere they regularily visit (gym, church, etc etc). Anyways, my story starts with a new guy being hired at work, they casually exchange emails dealing with work, next they start talking at break and realize there is both a physical attraction and perhaps a bit of a spark. Next thing you know, emails fly with personal details and a fast friendship forms. The current relationship starts to suffer because it is old, boring and routine. The new work relationship is a faster pace, thrilling and exactly that...new. The guy says all the right things, has nothing to lose and despite the fact there are traits she won't like about him, she fails to see it because she is enthralled with the thrill of something new. Next thing you know, the new guy is exchanging flirty emails, eventually texts and they start hanging out as friends while the Long term SO sits at home thinking nothing is going on. These hang outs become more frequent, one relationship ends and the new one begins because she wants time to figure herself out. Ive omitted a ton of details and have summarized as it has happened to me twice now and are both very similar stories. So anyways, my theory is that it has everything to do with the thrill of something new and fun. Humans perceive the new and fun as a greener pasture and want to see it from a different perspective. Instead of being in the pasture next to it (old mature relationship) they leave for whatever reason with the intent of exploring the new pasture. In my early case, said person has attempted to come back after realizing the pasture wasn't so green on the other side. Just my two cents/ 2
mahon451 Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Leafguy, I had almost exactly the same thing happen to me about 3 months ago. To a f**king T. To the GIGS types, I say this: The grass is always greener where you water it. 1
chados Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 first of all, yes money fame etc attracts some people. but mostly its not because of the money but because they show that they can take care of themselves, "sitting on the couch all day is not attractive". to say that people cant offer as much to another person because of what they do as a living is just wrong and disrespectful. you just cant buy love, but you can buy some peoples attention. this is not to flame or anything. don't know what your intention was by saying that but in the end its all about what person you are that will make the other person attracted to you. second of all. these gigs treads.. people think that some people do not think its greener on the other side while some do. everyone that breaks up with you "legit" and with legit i mean they're not 15 years old and testing you because they know you'll come back, will break up with you because they think it will be better without you. yes sometimes they will come back. and when they do everyone is saying. look he/she is suffering from gigs like its a syndrome. its not a syndrome. its normal people getting bored with a relationship. when that happens the attraction is fading towards the other person. they can come back because they couldnt find someone else, because theyre lonely or because they actually realized that they made a mistake. there are tons of reasons to go back to someone and just as many not too. attraction can build up by staying away from each other for a long time. and even if they do come back and you want them back, doesnt mean that it will last. and definitely doesnt mean they will come back again. people just want what they cant have, or what they dont have anymore.
travelonic Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Methinks you're looking too deeply into the mere title of GIGS. Heh. But unlike other instances of falling out of love, that which has been deemed gigs falls a very specific pattern that - though not perfect in term - does a good job at pinpointing some sort of set of events - and giving it an index to find information on so to speak - when others who are new to this pattern want to know if others have gone through it before, get past the bizarre feeling of those specific pattern. heh.
thefooloftheyear Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 The grass is always greener...where the dogs are shytting.. TFY 1
Author GG3 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 first of all, yes money fame etc attracts some people. but mostly its not because of the money but because they show that they can take care of themselves, "sitting on the couch all day is not attractive". to say that people cant offer as much to another person because of what they do as a living is just wrong and disrespectful. you just cant buy love, but you can buy some peoples attention. this is not to flame or anything. don't know what your intention was by saying that but in the end its all about what person you are that will make the other person attracted to you. second of all. these gigs treads.. people think that some people do not think its greener on the other side while some do. everyone that breaks up with you "legit" and with legit i mean they're not 15 years old and testing you because they know you'll come back, will break up with you because they think it will be better without you. yes sometimes they will come back. and when they do everyone is saying. look he/she is suffering from gigs like its a syndrome. its not a syndrome. its normal people getting bored with a relationship. when that happens the attraction is fading towards the other person. they can come back because they couldnt find someone else, because theyre lonely or because they actually realized that they made a mistake. there are tons of reasons to go back to someone and just as many not too. attraction can build up by staying away from each other for a long time. and even if they do come back and you want them back, doesnt mean that it will last. and definitely doesnt mean they will come back again. people just want what they cant have, or what they dont have anymore. He was the one who told me I met his minimum. I was not the one focused on superficial things. HE was. It was me that realized when I took a step back...wait a sec...I make more money than him. Where is this crap coming from.
JadedRomantic Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 I can shed my point of view on things and a story as well. I was with a girl for 2 years, engaged and thinking everything was fine. Over a span of three months, we went from great to splitsville (since then I am engaged again and dealing with a similar scenario), but anyways, both times have started with someone new coming into their life at work or school, or somewhere they regularily visit (gym, church, etc etc). Anyways, my story starts with a new guy being hired at work, they casually exchange emails dealing with work, next they start talking at break and realize there is both a physical attraction and perhaps a bit of a spark. Next thing you know, emails fly with personal details and a fast friendship forms. The current relationship starts to suffer because it is old, boring and routine. The new work relationship is a faster pace, thrilling and exactly that...new. The guy says all the right things, has nothing to lose and despite the fact there are traits she won't like about him, she fails to see it because she is enthralled with the thrill of something new. Next thing you know, the new guy is exchanging flirty emails, eventually texts and they start hanging out as friends while the Long term SO sits at home thinking nothing is going on. These hang outs become more frequent, one relationship ends and the new one begins because she wants time to figure herself out. Ive omitted a ton of details and have summarized as it has happened to me twice now and are both very similar stories. So anyways, my theory is that it has everything to do with the thrill of something new and fun. Humans perceive the new and fun as a greener pasture and want to see it from a different perspective. Instead of being in the pasture next to it (old mature relationship) they leave for whatever reason with the intent of exploring the new pasture. In my early case, said person has attempted to come back after realizing the pasture wasn't so green on the other side. Just my two cents/ Yes, this is what happened to me. We were deeply in love and connected at the hip, but suddenly he got 'itchy feet' or GIGS or whatever you want to call it. Long story short, I did the whole waiting at home (we lived together) thinking nothing was wrong and allowing him his freedom ... then next thing I know, things are over and there's some other women involved. Heartbroken and shocked to say the least but ... I went NC and after a month, he has been texting me and calling me. Not frequently, but frequently enough to bring back some confusion. No relationship/ BU talk tho. He's acting like things are normal, which ... is a confusing issue in and of itself. But ... basically I'm agreeing with what you're saying. He is 25, I am 28, we met when we was 23. I'm sad, but not angry becasue I myself went through this, but the GIGS syndrome is a real thing and quite an overpowering feeling. Who knows if he's going to want to come back but ... exploring oneself is something that you must do alone and noone can help you through it. I have a feeling he's starting to feel a little regret or doubt, hence him reaching out but side stepping the big elephant in the room. However, I'm still enlisting NC and not reaching out to him because I think when someone asks for space then ... give them all the space they need.
Recommended Posts