JasonL Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 Hello, I just turned 21 years old and started dating one of my friend for about 2 months now. I have known her for about 6 months now and never had the nerve to ask her out or tell her how I feel because she is 25 and successful Teacher that has completed 4 years of university and is going for her 5th to get a major. She has been interested in me since we met apparently and I am just a average joe who has a low wage job. I also am very shy and havent opened up to a girl all my life. She is my first GF and I am self-Conscious because I feel I have nothing to offer her. I care about her so much and I want to know how important is money to women in a relationship. This isnt a sexual relationship either because we are both virgins All I know is that I want nothing more in life to have a wife and kids and a house.
johan Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 how important is money to women in a relationship What is your "low wage" job? Some people say that about themselves when they are actually doing ok. It's not about money, as if she's going to be shallow. If it becomes an issue, it will be about whether she can count on you to provide some security for your family and how much self-respect you have. What kind of husband/father do you want to be? But those are questions you should be asking yourself anyway. Maybe before she has a chance. Have this conversation with her if you really want to know what she expects.
SoleMate Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 johan is right, decent women are not money grubbers, but they do want to know if a prospective husband will be able to (help) support a family. I am sure you would not ask the women of your life to live in a cardboard box under a bridge, right? What is this low wage job? Are you planning to increase your earning power, maybe through more education? I also think you need a self confidence boost. Learn to love yourself before you ask someone else to love you. You can't "sell" a "product" (i.e. you) that you don't believe in. This woman obviously has other choices - and yet she has chosen you (at least temporarily). Think she sees something good in you? Maybe your personality, your looks, your beliefs and intelligence? Maybe she even likes guys who are charmingly shy and not sexual predators? So STOP thinking that you have nothing to offer. Take the focus OFF of you and put it on her - getting to really know her and understand her. You'll be more comfortable AND more successful. A woman loves to be truly known and adored in her totality by a man. Master that, and you will go far. And in case you wondered - sex will happen, on its own timetable. Do post again, and especially if things are heating up, if you would like more advice.
savethedrama4allama Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 First of all Jason, this is just dating for 2 months and not marriage. Don't put the cart before the horse. But yes, most people want their partners to do their best to contribute. As long as you are not lazy (you are working full time) and are looking for ways to improve (education, promotion, moving into higher-paying field) then you are doing your best. Be confident about your financial ability and she will be too.
Naive Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 I think that one always wants someone who has goals and motivation. 2 months is a relatively short time to be thinking about this so hard. You are also younger than her, which means you can't be at the same level as her yet. I'm sure that you want to provide your future wife, whomever she may be, with a good life, that's why you should do your best to better yourself all the time. However, you cannot expect to make the big bucks yet, you're 21 not 25.
Barby Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 I think that if you are working full time (not jumping from job to job) being responsible, trying to make ends meet. Basically as long as you're independent (paying your own bills, rent, ect) then I don't think any decent woman would care how much you make, or what type of job you work. I don't see why you should keep looking for the "better job" if you're stable and doing okay financially. Focus on the dating, she'll see how you are and let her decide for herself if all is well and she's ok with the job you work. If not then move on and find someone who won't be petty but she's known you awhile so I'm sure she knows what you do. She said she's been interested in you for awhile so I think you will be okay!
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