Bynotfound Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Hi all, I need some help here with my relationship problem. Me and my boyfriend was dating for 20 months and we broke up 2 months ago. He was the one who initiated the break up and the reason was he lost his feelings for me. I didn't give up. I started telling him how much I love him and would change for him, although everyone told me not to do this. Previously in the relationship, I was always jealous when he goes out with other girls (not in a group ) or when he gets close with other girls. And I would get moody about it, but when he asked me what happened I wouldn't tell me. I know it is my fault here and I have to change it. But when I told him about this problem, he just said it wasn't my fault, it was him who lost feelings. He even hugged me and told me I will move on when I tried talking to him after our break up. Until few days ago, I talked to this girl whom he was really close to when we were still dating, she was also one of the reasons why I was so jealous. She told me that she and my bf met during January and he told her he was single for more than a year already. He also lied to me that he was with his mom on valentines morning when he was with her, but they went out as friends to look for a gift for another friend. I'm confused. I kind of wonder if he broke up with me because he was guilty of cheating.. My boyfriend didn't tell me he was cheating and I only found out from the girl, but know he knows that I know about the whole cheating thing because the girl confronted him. She likes him too... Sigh. I think he got close with her because I pushed him away with my jealousy and moodiness, was my fault... And maybe I was getting too boring for him. But after all that happened and I found out cheated, do I deserve an explanation from him? Should I ask him about it? I still love him alot and I'm not even pissed at him, I just don't know why he cheated on me because I know he really did love me alot. This was his longest relationship out of his 5 exes and my friends said it was the first time he actually cried for a girl after the break up. Please help... Much appreciated
understanding4you Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Dear Bynotfound, In my personal opinion, no I do not think you should contact this man again. Why would you even want to waste a second more of you're time on someone who was never truthful with you to begin with? And confronting him about it, what will you gain in the end? The relationship is already over. Do you feel confronting him about 'cheating' on you will give you a sense of closure? I know this is hard. You remind me of myself when I was a bit younger. I tend to hold on for dear life to a relationship that I know is doomed for failure. The thought of 'not trying hard enough' in a relationship always haunts me, but in reality (and its always easy to say this as an outsider), it takes two to tango. Stop being so hard on yourself too. You keep reiterating in your post that it's your fault. No, it is not your fault. You have every right to feel a certain type of way, whether it be one girl or various girls that he's going out with. That's disrespectful and it sucks that you had to endure that type of treatment. To justify further, your own bf even admitted that you weren't wrong for feeling that way-that he just "lost feelings," however he still chose to drag you through the mud for the time being--probably because he knew no matter what he did, you weren't going anywhere. He knew he had you wrapped around his finger, and what person doesn't like the thought of someone always just being "around"? You sound young--teens, early twenties, maybe..I hope what I said helped you see the situation in a better light. I'm here to talk : ) I wish you more happiness each day!
bob the brave Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Sorry sweetie, it's a done deal. I know the pain. I know you want to understand, to have an explanation. It may help to talk with him to get the whole picture, to vent. This may help you find closure, but it won't change anything. I think he was truthful about losing feelings for you. He lied about cheating and Valentines day because he didn't want to hurt you and create drama that would lead to nothing. It is not your fault. You weren't too boring or moody and I think your jelousy radar seemed to be pretty well calibrated. People just sometimes lose interest for their own reasons. I'm sure your still the same girl that attracted him and he may tire of this new girl as well. try to remain friends and move on. C'est la vie .
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