Blckrooster46 Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 If when you broke up with someone and they became pretty upset and asked you not to, I love you, Iif it's some other guy I will kill him, blah blah blah. Do you one day forget about that "desperateness" which is a word I steer away from because the only time I acted even close to desperate was the night she broke up with me and haven't really spoken to her since. From what she can see I am more than fine, and it would appear as though I have completely moved on with my life but obviously I haven't completely. I just do not like being seen as week, I never acted that way throughout the relationship and was always the strong one taking care of her insecurities, so I just don't want her to see me that way. Basically what I am asking is if you spend time apart do forget some of that desperateness, or do you always see that person as loser. I'm not dwelling anymore but I am always going to love that girl so I don't know if I could handle her seeing me that way.
blotter Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 She's not thinking about your "desperateness", or you're pleading to not break up, or your threats to kill a new interest of hers, quite simply she's not thinking about you at all. Dumpers don't sit around and think about the person they just dumped. They go out and meet new people, date new people, have sex with new people. She's not watching to see how you are reacting to the breakup, strongly or weakly, she could care less and if she does at all it is nothing more than morbid curiosity.
siankat Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 blotter that's a bit of a generic rehash of what is always said on here by the hardliners chanting breakup recovery mantras like their lives depend on it....maybe they do! if you have handled yourself as you say you have then no, i dont think she is going to think of u as desperate. however with time away from a relationship ppl can see things more clearly so if it was a trend during ur relationship, she might do 4
Larry56 Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 There's definitely possible there's a new guy (someone you don't know about).....I didn't find out for many weeks my ex was dating a new guy. Total shock out of nowhere. But trust me...best thing to do right now (and I'm pro-getting your ex back) leave her alone for a few weeks. Then start some general repore contact (no heavy relationship stuff)...and then if she's willing to meet up, show up looking handsome and happier than you have been EVER...if she has a new guy, he most likely will be a rebound if you guys had a good relationship. Trust me, I'm in your shoes. I'm just letting go and going out and doing things. But in the process I'm letting her know subtly that I'm strong enough without her via quite a few means. There are a few good guides out there that you should maybe look at if you really want to gett your ex back.
Author Blckrooster46 Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 Yeah I have read some of those things and I really do want her back but at the same time if she was dumb enough to leave me for some loser, if she did leave me for that guy he is a loser trust me at least compared to me, then I don't know if I really do want her back. Okay I do but I am now in the confused stage I guess. And for after a few weeks start a re pore it has been three and i haven't heard a word from her, not one. I am not going to be the one who reaches out first to start it, I already put myself out there and she said no so it is her turn to make a move if she wants to. I can't fore her to date me again and I don't want to trick her either. I love her but wither she wants to be with me or she doesn't, I don't understand why she wouldn't because we are perfect for each other and honestly I am an awesome catch. I don't know man if she reaches out I may just ignore her, if we ever do get back together as much as I want it to be right now it would be better years down the line. I was her first BF and the first guy to love her and treat her well so she will realize that most relationships aren't like ours was. **** I hate her now but I love her to, she is such and idiot I would've given her everything and now I am not so sure.
Calcmag Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 (edited) Hi Blkrooster, I read your OP yesterday but didn't reply because dumpers do get a hard time around here - replies like the one from Blotter are all par for the course and I've seen worse. There's very little acknowledgement that sometimes a break up is also extremely hard on the dumper too, so I'm often nervous to reply on threads like yours. Although I have to say I didn't leave my ex for someone else. However, your post touched me and I do want to respond. My ex said similar to me during the actual break up convo. He also wrote to me very recently an email telling me about his feelings. Do I think of him as desperate, or weak? No, I dont. I think of him as a guy who was actually man enough and stand up and tell me how he felt. He didn't want to lose me and he was doing what he could to try to keep me. He laid out his feelings and went after what he wanted, I totally respect him for that. If he'd acted like a jerk I'd have far less respect for him now than I do. But, I'm just one woman dumper. I can't speak for all the others. Edited May 16, 2013 by Calcmag
Author Blckrooster46 Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 Thank you so much Cal, I know it was a long post so I am glad someone like you took the time to read it and give me a true response. It is reassuring that I might not be seen as desperate and that she may respect me fighting for what I love; honestly I want to fight more I want to show up at her job scoop her up in my arms, kiss her, and take her away some place. But I know that will just make things worse; I am moving on but I'd be lying if I said a part of me won't always love her because it will. She is not the kind of person to let someone in easily, neither am I, so I don't see her have the same level of closeness or love with someone else. I mean the reason she was so open with me is because I have know her sine she was five and quite honestly understand her better than anyone. Anyway thanks for you kind words and a look into your life, I just hope I learn to be strong enough without her, I was very much so before but now I am not so sure.
Ale khun Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 (edited) Blckrooster IMO I think it pretty fair to act "desperate" in a break up , at the end the dumper is making the decision and we the dumpees , have a roller coaster of emotions , it wasn't our decision , once I was a dumper and for me was easier to move on now I'm the dumpee and its hard to accept that he doesn't want to be with me . I acted "desperate" in my last break up , I cried like a baby , beg , insult then I apologize , then insult again , then cry , and then i got mad at myself for keep putting myself in that position over and over again because all I was doing was hurting me , not him . ME . So that long night I decided that I wasn't going to act like that ever again , it's been a few weeks since that and at the beginning I was a little ashamed for my irrational actions and embarrassed for what he would think about me , now I don't care !! All I care it's for me and I pledge to do whatever it takes to move on and be happy , because he is perfectly fine , working doing his life meeting new people , why I have to suffer ?? All I want to say its it doesn't matter if u acted "desperate" or not we are humans and we have feelings . Who cares the opinion she has from you , the only opinion that matters it's the one you have about yourself . Edited May 16, 2013 by Ale khun
HuffmanMontana Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 if you have handled yourself as you say you have then no, i dont think she is going to think of u as desperate. however with time away from a relationship ppl can see things more clearly so if it was a trend during ur relationship, she might do This seems spot on to me.
Author Blckrooster46 Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 Definitely not a trend if anything I was the more distant one throughout most of the relationship and she would act desperate and cry about stupid things when she thought I would break up with her (completely irrational I might add I never thought about breaking up with her and always told her she was being silly) and honestly I loved that about her, I loved her vulnerable side, it made me want and love her so much more to see someone as closed off as her that vulnerable with me.
california15 Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I think right after a breakup the dumper almost 'expects' for lack of a better word the dumpee to say/do something more than "Oh Okay. Bye". If there was any attachment or love or caring, of course there will be more than an "okay". Crying and pleading usually ensue. Something they care about is coming to an end; of course they'll be sad and act on it. The dumper may perceive it as a natural reaction to the end of the relationship from the dumpee, as the dumpee didn't initiate/want it to end. Some things are hard for people to hear and so crying and "i love you" and pleading initially (the day of and day after) can be for some a natural response. It's when the crying and pleading go on and on and on and become constant for long periods of time after the end of the relationship that the air of "desperateness" comes across. Initially? No. Continuing on months after its over? Yes.
crederer Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 Well I'm a guy but when I dumped my ex, she got pretty crazy desperate for months, threatening to tell people lies (she followed through with some of them) about me, begging, saying she'd change and everything. The thing is, all of this behavior just showed me she didn't get it. Acting the way she was demonstrated she will not change as this was the type of behavior that caused me to break it off in the first place; acting crazy, being overly dramatic, purposely hurting me in order to get what she wanted, etc.
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