Living with ex gf, don't know what she wants.

[Jay Bee]

Hi. My ex and I have shared a one-bedroom apartment for the last 4 months. She left me for breaking her trust, not physically but emotionally, it was the dumbest mistake of my life. So we still live together because she says she loves spending time with me, still loves me, and wants me to remain her best friend. We also work together but our shifts only overlap two hours at most. We like to chill together, have some beers and smoke and just talk or listen to music. Well over this last week we have gotten pretty drunk on 2 occasions and had sex. She initiated the first time and I can't remember who did the second time but we both enjoyed it. She also asked me to take care of her needs one day before she went out to a club with her girlfriends. We haven't had a serious talk about this situation at all. She still likes to snuggle up with me in bed sometimes, but other times she's very cold and aloof. When she doesn't want me touching her she'll ask me "are you mad? Do you hate me?" And I usually just tell her to knock it off. But the one time I did seriously respond by asking her why I would hate her she just says "we'll I'm not going to explain it to you,you don't get it. Which is fine, you can go on not getting it, I don't care". I don't know where we stand but she says she doesn't want a relationship anymore because of the drama but she seems to invite these dramatic situations by provoking me, which I just deflect and play off. But this is hard because I'm a super emotional person I just keep it under wraps as often as I can, and so does she. Better than me, to be honest. I just want to know where we stand but I'm afraid to ask her. We seem to be in limbo right now but alcohol makes us get super lovey dovey with each other and she starts calling me baby again and we act like we're still together. What should I do? I really want to be with her, I've never met a girl like her before and I could easily choose to settle down with her.

[SNH1993]

Man, i know exactly how that feels. My gf broke up with me i guess you could say because of emotional abuse(xanax addiction) and although we don't live together she did spend the night almost every night for a good couple of weeks and would always ask me if i hated her with no provocation on my part for such a question. It has been a month since the break-up abd we have had sex countless times, kissed, cuddled, etc. but there was also times where she was just distant. Like just 2 days ago she tells me she doesn't want to spend the night anymore because it would always just lead to sex and it would make thigs more complicated she says. She came over tonight actually, things went pretty well, it wasn't awkward or anything like that and then she mentions spending the night maybe tommorow night. I don't know what the deal is with why they act this way man but i've been in almost the same exact situation and know how it feels. She seemed to be more bothered tonight by the fact that i wasn't buying into her flirting and didn't try to push things further when she did flirt. Can't even tell you how many sexual references she made tonight and would go back and apologize because she was the one who said she didn't wanna have sex anymore. I'd just try and brush it off and not think too much of it, easier said than done i know.

[1908]

One of you moving out would be a good start. 4 months together while broken up? I couldn't even do a week. And I didn't work with her. Some time apart will do you two some good.

[Jay Bee]

Sorry I guess I should clarify, we've lived together for probably actually 5 months, we've only been broken up I guess for a lil over a week, but this is part of a 3 week long rough period. She asked me if I was gonna move out when the lease was up, that she wasn't going to and she didn't want me to but I said we'd cross that bridge when we got to it. When we first started dating and I wanted to know what we had going on bc there was plenty of sex and so much time spent together, were we bf/gf and she said "whatever, that's just a title it doesn't mean anything". But she was also adamant in her conviction that she wasn't into just hooking up or fwb, she had done both but they weren't her thing. She also always says she's ugly and fat and its so not true, yet she tells me I need more confidence so I can find a better girlfriend. If she brushes up against me she says "oh sorry, didn't mean to bother you" and told me she thought I was too good to be interested in her when she first met me. But we had a pretty intense and deep connection that developed rather quickly. She said she had been depressed until we met and she hadn't wanted a relationship because I guess her previous ones ended badly and she didn't know anyone she really wanted but she later confessed that she wanted to be my girlfriend after we started having sex. She had lived with a previous boyfriend before but it wasn't how she dreamed it would be, which she told me was like us. But now I think she's made up her mind to end it. We still act like we're together a lot and I kind of avoid the issue but I don't push my luck.

[Jay Bee]

Oh, and the time apart thing is weird too, we live together but we have busy schedules so were only together for a few hours at night and rarely get a day off together. She just finished school so she told me she'd be away partying all weekend, first to a club one night then to a concert the next and finally staying home to hangout with her mother for Mother's Day so I shouldn't expect her home until sunday night. Well she came home both nights, with some excuse each time but our apartment is completely out of the way, like 2 hour round trip so it should have been easier for her to stay out. She rolled with her girlfriend and told me that she kept avoiding guys trying to dance with her and said that it would have been more fun with me there. She was super cuddly and sweet with me all day long the next morning but I figured she was just coming down and that's the only reason she was affectionate, but she said it wasn't. Is she just stringing me along or is there still some hope?

[SNH1993]

Same thing i've been wondering man, as i sit here and type she is sleeping in the other room just after telling me 2 days ago she doesn't think she can spend the night again. She was supposed to go smoke hookah or some other stuff with her friends tonight but as soon as she left when we were originally chillin an hour later she texts and asks if she can spend the night. I've been advised to go no contact, and at this point i really have no one one to blame but myself if i get burned with all of this but i feel like it's worth a shot as it was my fault for the original break-up.