Ladydrib Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 What a loser I feel like. How can I ever stop hating myself? I've hated myself for so long now, I honestly don't even want to put forth the effort to keep myself alive anymore. I'm not looking for pity. Not even necessarily a response. I just feel a need to speak my mind. Thank you for listening.
thomasb Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 I know we have different ideas regarding infidelity. But I hope you will listen to me regarding this. We lost our oldest son to suicide nine years ago. Our boy, only 23, bright, shining soul that he was took his life one Sunday. The pain is as vivid and real every day that we live. For his mother and I, his young wife, his brothers, grandparents, and the two small children who will never feel the love that he had for them. Because of one horrible decision made in a moment of anger and sadness he will never know them. He had graduated from MIT with honors. Had a new high paying career, new home new town, new state, new baby, only two months old, and another just over a year. I know now it was too many firsts for him. It was also the single most incredibly selfish thing I have ever seen. It has caused irrevocable pain to all the people that I know he would never wish to. Reach out and tell someone how you are feeling. Please. Because I guarantee that there are a hell of a lot of people out there who would feel like someone had cut out their hearts with a butter knife if you harm yourself. I know... I feel that way every day... every hour of my life now. 20
Lillyfree Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 i'm so sorry for your loss, thomasb. OP, life is too precious a thing to mourn. we all mess up. we all make bad choices. the fact that you are feeling bad about it means you are a good person. instead of giving up, give yourself a chance to use this lesson you've learnt. there are so many people in the world who need help, yet persevere. keep in mind that there is always someone who has it worse. and as hf wrote - no man is worth it! not even a tear, let alone your life! 4
loredo21 Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 I know we have different ideas regarding infidelity. But I hope you will listen to me regarding this. We lost our oldest son to suicide nine years ago. Our boy, only 23, bright, shining soul that he was took his life one Sunday. The pain is as vivid and real every day that we live. For his mother and I, his young wife, his brothers, grandparents, and the two small children who will never feel the love that he had for them. Because of one horrible decision made in a moment of anger and sadness he will never know them. He had graduated from MIT with honors. Had a new high paying career, new home new town, new state, new baby, only two months old, and another just over a year. I know now it was too many firsts for him. It was also the single most incredibly selfish thing I have ever seen. It has caused irrevocable pain to all the people that I know he would never wish to. Reach out and tell someone how you are feeling. Please. Because I guarantee that there are a hell of a lot of people out there who would feel like someone had cut out their hearts with a butter knife if you harm yourself. I know... I feel that way every day... every hour of my life now. I'm so sorry to hear this. Many thoughts with you tonight thomasb 3
Praying4Peace Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 What a loser I feel like. How can I ever stop hating myself? I've hated myself for so long now, I honestly don't even want to put forth the effort to keep myself alive anymore. I'm not looking for pity. Not even necessarily a response. I just feel a need to speak my mind. Thank you for listening. Hi Ladydrib...what exactly do you hate about yourself? Is it because you had an affair? Is it because you feel rejected by him? Is it because that rejection has caused you to question your worth...especially if you gave it your all? Please talk it out, or type it out on there. Let us listen to you if this is where you feel comfortable or you don't have anyone to talk to at the moment. Please remember all the wonderful things about you that make you lovable to all the people who care about you. And you are NOT A LOSER. You haven't lost anything. If he left you, he's the one who has lost you in his life. Remember your self worth no matter what the evidence today seems to tell you. You still have a lot of life to live and there are a lot of people who might be waiting and praying and hoping for a person like you to come into their lives. 1
thomasb Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Lady, A little worried that we haven't heard anything from you. Let us all know you are okay. I know I am a kind of a hard ass regarding affairs. But believe me, it is just because it causes so f***king much pain all around. Certainly not a reason to lose the rest of what could be an amazingly wonderful life. An affair does not define you. Thank God. 5
Goodbye Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 You just have to keep riding the wave. Eventually it will come crashing down and you'll walk onto the shore. Life can be scary and unsettling...but that is life. I hope you are okay.
Got it Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Lady, please don't do anything. Please contact a suicide hotline, 1-800-SUICIDE, and talk to someone that can help you. You are an amazing person and have so much value. Please read thomas' story to see the devastation that suicide can cause. Please get help. ((((((lady))))))
LoveBitesButSoDoI Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 You sounded like me about 6 months ago. Hang in there, it gets better. You will not only come out alive, but you will come out happier than before you even met the son of a b*tch. 1
Author Ladydrib Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 Thank you all for your kind words and those of you who have suffered losses I am so sorry for your pain. I feel like I want to give up but I will not. I just hurt in a way that it's nearly intolerable. Haven't read all the posts yet but I will and just wanted to let you know it's only my feelings. I will not act on this pain. 5
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