Broke up with her because of her mom but I regret it! I want her back but don't! :(

[Danielcohen72]

I'm 20 years old and my girlfriend is 18

We met when I was 15 and started going out with her when I was 16 up until now ...

 

Yesterday I decided to break up with her and il tell you why.. But it was so hard for me and I don't know what to do. Whether to take her back or move on. She wants me to take her back so much and it hurts me so much to see her so broken.

So here is our life story in short.

 

Me and her literally spent almost everyday together for the past 3 years. Spent 3 summers with her and her family upstate new york for 2 months at a time. I have so many memories its crazy! All my Facebook pictures are with her and we were soo happy! We went on vacations together with her family.and i can't see my self doing anything else in life besides for being for with her

And now your prob wondering what type of stupid guy I am and I really think I am but I really don't know if I'm making the biggest mistake in my life or making a good decision.

 

So here is where the bad part starts.

My family is a very caring and loving family to all and I love it about them. I love helping out strangers and I make sure never to hurt someone's feelings, even if its a stranger, and if I would, I would feel horrible inside.

 

The problem is that my girlfriends family is the opposite. They are a very small family and very close with eachother and I honestly don't have an issue with them, but I have an issue with her mom. Her mom is I think the main reason why I ended this last night.

Her mom is the most over protective mother I've ever seen in my life.

 

She didn't let us goto the movies by ourselves till Afew months ago. She takes her kids phones away at bed time because she's trying to "protect them". She buts into our relationship so much and Try's controlling us. Her daughter sees nothing wrong with it cause she's saying that her mom is helping. So her mom is a really rude person and I feel like my girlfriend is learning from her. I keep on telling her that I can't be with someone that is so rude.

How is she rude?

 

When someone is in her way she is discusting to them and tell them to get out of her way. When she knows that someone is going to get hurt with something she says let him learn, I don't need to help him. She's such a negative person and thinks she's the smartest human being in the world. She always tells me that she thinks that she is an amazing mother and that other mothers don't protect their kids enough.. Etc.

 

The problem is, she convinces her daughter/gf/ex that its fine to act that way and when I argue that it's not fine she tells her daughter that u need to protect yourself out in the world. U can't let anyone step on you.

And ofcourse, since my girlfriend is so close to her mom and tells her everything, she listens and doesn't think that it's wrong to act like that to other people. So we fought alot about that.

 

But this is the main reason I broke up with her last night.

2 weeks ago I basically broke up with her for a day until we got back together promising that wel work on everything together. Why I broke up with her then was because I just wasn't happy anymore. I lost alot of my attraction towards her by the way she would speak to me whn she's angry and by the way she acts to other people. Also, I felt like her mom would control us even when we're married which I won't be able to live with.

 

So yesterday it happened again. I got upset again and didn't know what to think. I'm not so happy with her anymore and I know she's trying so hard now to work on her bad habits that she gets from her mom but I still don't know why I'm not happy! We used to be the happier couple ever and I really miss that. But I really don't know why I chose to move on!

 

What I think it is that's causing me to be upset so much is her mom. And I think this is what caused me to really leave her.

Afew days ago I heard her mom talk to her sister about how her sisters his sand is discusting and stuff. I'm scared that when we get married, if my gf fights with me she will side with her mom and they will be against me and I just can't stand her so I don't want to end up getting divorced in the future so I ended it yesterday

 

I really love her soo soo much and just want to hold her and get her back and I really can if I just tell her but I don't know if its the right decision! She's my first girlfriend I ever had and I don't know if I should let her go because of her mom. She sides with her mom so much and I'm just scared in the future her mom will ruin our relationship, Please help me decide because I don't want to regret this in the future,

Thank you so much guys for reading all this.

Edited May 15, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ForeverHopeful1]

Her mother may not be a very nice person, but to be blunt and honest with you, I have to say, I wish more parents took their childrens phones away when it was bedtime. Seriously, with some of the things teens are doing, they need parents, not more friends. She is her mother, not her friend. In my opinion, a lot of parents dont protect their children enough either, so she isnt alone in feeling that way. I wish more children were protected and I wish more parents would stop trying to be "cool" friends to their kids.

 

I mean, its really easy to say this generation is full of little brats, (and it is,) but at the same time, we have to look at the generation raising them.

 

You are dating a teenager, who lives in her parents home. You bet your butt she can butt in your relationship. You are both children still and children do silly things when left alone, and can end up in sticky situations when not watched, monitored and parented properly.

 

You can blame her mother all you want, but she is a person and she can make decisions for herself. If you have been together and are lovely to everyone, she could have learned even a little bit from you, even if she didnt see that growing up. I know a lot of apples who didnt fall far from the tree, however, that isnt always the case, and just because your mother is a horrible, miserable person doesnt mean you need to be.

 

I would say that the things that are bothering you probably wont stop. She obviously agrees that her mother is right, that her mother is doing the right thing, and that her mother acts the right way. You see things VERY differently. I dont see how you can change a person, let alone in 2 weeks.

 

You two sound like very different people, and that is ok. I think it is best to cut your losses and move on.

 

Most people your age do not fall in love and marry the person they were with when they were teenagers. Stats are not in your favour here. So I would try your best to move on, let her grow as a person, and maybe reassess the situation after she has done some soul searching and hard work.

 

Listen to your gut. You know the answer and made a choice based on that answer already. Stick with it. It will be hard and will hurt, but please know time heals all wounds. You can and will find someone who will love you and sincerely appreciate the sweet man you are.... (it may even be her after she grows up a little bit, gets out on her own and realizes she cannot act this way in the real world.)

 

If her mother is too involved right now, she will most likely stay involved forever. This usually doesnt change too much, and SHE is the one who will have to set boundaries with her mother. It is not up to you to enforce or demand this. Move on if you cannot handle their family dynamic. You have your own family dynamic and they do as well. It works for them. Clearly.

Edited May 15, 2013 by ForeverHopeful1

[Danielcohen72]

Her mother may not be a very nice person, but to be blunt and honest with you, I have to say, I wish more parents took their childrens phones away when it was bedtime. Seriously, with some of the things teens are doing, they need parents, not more friends. She is her mother, not her friend. In my opinion, a lot of parents dont protect their children enough either, so she isnt alone in feeling that way. I wish more children were protected and I wish more parents would stop trying to be "cool" friends to their kids.

 

I mean, its really easy to say this generation is full of little brats, (and it is,) but at the same time, we have to look at the generation raising them.

 

You are dating a teenager, who lives in her parents home. You bet your butt she can butt in your relationship. You are both children still and children do silly things when left alone, and can end up in sticky situations when not watched, monitored and parented properly.

 

You can blame her mother all you want, but she is a person and she can make decisions for herself. If you have been together and are lovely to everyone, she could have learned even a little bit from you, even if she didnt see that growing up. I know a lot of apples who didnt fall far from the tree, however, that isnt always the case, and just because your mother is a horrible, miserable person doesnt mean you need to be.

 

I would say that the things that are bothering you probably wont stop. She obviously agrees that her mother is right, that her mother is doing the right thing, and that her mother acts the right way. You see things VERY differently. I dont see how you can change a person, let alone in 2 weeks.

 

You two sound like very different people, and that is ok. I think it is best to cut your losses and move on.

 

Most people your age do not fall in love and marry the person they were with when they were teenagers. Stats are not in your favour here. So I would try your best to move on, let her grow as a person, and maybe reassess the situation after she has done some soul searching and hard work.

 

Listen to your gut. You know the answer and made a choice based on that answer already. Stick with it. It will be hard and will hurt, but please know time heals all wounds. You can and will find someone who will love you and sincerely appreciate the sweet man you are.... (it may even be her after she grows up a little bit, gets out on her own and realizes she cannot act this way in the real world.)

 

If her mother is too involved right now, she will most likely stay involved forever. This usually doesnt change too much, and SHE is the one who will have to set boundaries with her mother. It is not up to you to enforce or demand this. Move on if you cannot handle their family dynamic. You have your own family dynamic and they do as well. It works for them. Clearly.

 

Thanks a lot for your reply.

Maybe I haven't explained enough of what type of person her mom is.

You're saying that this clearly works for them, but I see differently. I'm in her house every day and almost every single day she fights with her husband. They get into such immature fights its just unbelievable.

In my eyes, she doesn't seem like a good mother/wife. She is very disrespectful to her husband and takes him for granted.

For example: One time I was driving with the family and her mom starts talkig about how her life would've been if she haven't met her husband. She told her husband "if it wasn't you, it would've been anyone else".

And he of course felt upset about that and in a joking way back he tells her " I would've married anyone else too!" And after he said that, all hell broke loose.. She started cursing at him and started yelling at him that he was so rude and all that.

But the problem is, she is always right. No matter what. She didn't talk to him for the rest of the vacation and in the end he apologized and after he apologized he asked her to and she said, "I didn't say anything wrong, it's true".

So when you tell me that things are working by them, I have to disagree, and I don't think that anyone with that mentality can ever end up having a great relationship.

That's my reason for being scared of moving on.

We were planning on getting engaged next year but even though I love her, I don't want her mom to be the cause of us getting divorced in the future.

 

And I understand that it's important for a mother to protect her children but there's a point where a parent has to understand that the kids need to live. They can't be controlled there whole life. and when they get out in the real world they won't know how to handle anything by themselves.

Thanks again for your reply. I don't mean to seem so against it, but I'm just so upset at her mom for causing me to feel the way I am.