brandnew2 Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I'm a guy in my young 20s do a lot of dating which leads to a lot of flings. Ideally though, I would like to have a committed relationship. I've just almost never met someone I wanted to commit to. At the end of March, I met a woman a couple years older than me at a bar. She had just ended a long term relationship a week prior (obviously a huge warning flag) but throughout the night assured me she was over him and was not at all upset. Things went very well, we both had the perfect amount of sarcasm, humor, and intellect. We ended up making out in my car at the end of the night and came dangerously close to going all the way before we came to our senses. A big issue was her insistence that she just didn't like sex. She said she didn't enjoy it and it was a major reason she broke up with her ex. Now, the obvious reaction to such a statement is "BS!" But it seemed to hold true. We saw each other about twice a week for the next couple weeks. And while we made out for hours sometimes, it never went any further and she stopped me when I tried. One night, we went back to her place and she began removing her clothes. Sure enough, we did finally have sex and it was great! We both clearly really enjoyed it and I felt awesome about it. But the next morning she was sure to tell me "i hope you don't expect that every time now" almost as if she regretted doing it. And sure enough, the next few times we saw each other she stopped it at kissing. We did have a stretch where we saw each other 4 nights in 5 days and had sex on two of those nights. And that was just pure bliss for me, but soon enough it went back to being a struggle. Every time I try to escalate things she bluntly tells me "I just really don't feel like doing anything tonight." And then there's the fact that she talks to me like we're in a relationship. She texts me every morning referring to me as 'babe'. She initiates things like holding my hand or kissing me on the cheek when we're out. She's met my family and made an effort to get along with my friends. But she doesn't seem to want anything serious right now. She's even said 'I like the fact that you don't pressure me into having a label right now.' I suppose I would be okay with that if I was getting laid on the regular. So it seems like she's just using me in order to fulfill her need for having someone in her life, but she doesn't really like me enough to want a relationship. And the sex thing makes me wonder a ton of different questions. Is she not attracted to me? Is she a lesbian? Of course, I try to combat this by talking to other women and I've been going on dates here and there but it just doesn't compare. I would much rather win her over, but I'm not sure how. Any thoughts?
othersideofthepillow Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 From my experience, some women go through phases where sex isn't important. For instance, one of my ex's went through a phase where she was still very loving and caring but sex wasn't an interest. Eventually it went away but it can happen. If she is referring to you with pet names, she may already be thinking of you in a more serious way but than again she may not. Pet names and things like that sometimes mean a lot to one person while the other may use them all the time. Try calling her a pet name in return next time...see what she does or says about it. She may also just be making sure that you are in to her for the right reasons too. I mean you said that she ended a relationship not to long ago so she may not want to seem "too" easy even though you have slept together a few times. If I were you, I would change it up a bit on her next time and you stop things from escalating. Enjoy being close and kissing or whatnot, but than you end it - it'll get her thinking about who's in control. Also, she has met your family and has met your friends so she def has already thought of and may already be thinking you are in a relationship even though there isn't a label.
hppr Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Any thoughts? Yeah quit while you're ahead lol. Maybe ask her why she is a no-sex-o but otherwise I think you are fighting a losing battle with this one.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 I think she's lying about not liking sex and playing games. To this day, I haven't met a girl that doesn't like sex.
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