kodiak Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 Hey everybody so I have a question for you all. It might be stupid but I just want some opinions from everyone here on this site. Would there be any point on asking your ex if she is dating again? I mean part of me wants to know but the other part doesnt. I think that maybe if she tells me yes that she is dating I will be able to move on a little better. Its been four months and I still cant move on. I know it will hurt but im thinking it might help me too. What do you all think? Also I always read about exes dating again on all these sites but how do the ones that goit dumped always find out about it. Do they ask or do the exex tell them? So basically for all those like me who are broken hearted right now, how did you find out that your ex was dating someone else? I hope this makes some type of sense......Thanks Kodiak
Notorious Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 No, you don't want to know. It will only torture you when you find out. You play out all these scenarios in your head...it's awful. I was not given the choice, she told me because "I thought it should come from me". Which is womanese for, "I think I'll f*** with your head a little bit".
Author kodiak Posted September 28, 2004 Author Posted September 28, 2004 notorious- Thanks for yoru reply man. I guess when i think about it I dont wanna know. I mean Im sure that she is but that is just my guess. Im just having such a tough time these days. I mean she calls me about every month and we have great talks. I never call her but i guess thats why I cant get over her. I want a second chance with her so bad thats why I think that keeping a small amount of communication is good but it hurts like hell. I just dont know what to do anymore
seductress989 Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 Hi kodiak, if you are still emotionally attached to her, then don't ask. I know it sounds like common sense, but you will only end up hurting yourself. Trust me, I know. Actually my I am "the ex-girlfriend that's dating other people". That's the role I'm playing right now to my last ex. I didn't really wanna tell him, but it kinda slipped out one night while we were talking. He was deeply hurt and angered by what I said. It's been hard for us to be friends after what was said. I didn't want him to know but that's too late. He claims not to be seeing anyone else and I asked why. It's been 4 months since our breakup and while I'm not seriously dating anyone, I'm still having fun. I told him he should do the same. I also ended the relationship. I may sound like a bad person to you, but I'm just telling you this b/c I'm a girl and I want to help you. Again, trust me on this, you don't wanna know unless you want to be hurting. This may sound hard, but you need to get out and have some fun with the guys or friends. Enjoy yourself, be the person you were BEFORE you met her. Hope this helps.
tanbark813 Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 It doesn't matter what replies you get. I'm guessing the following is going to happen: 1a. If most people say you should find out, you will contact her because the replies will justify your natural motivation. 1b. If most people say you should forget about her, you'll rationalize contacting her anyway. 2. Then you'll get a hold of her and find out. 3a. If she is dating someone, you'll put yourself through a lot of unnecessary pain and wish you hadn't asked. 3b. If she isn't dating someone, you'll put yourself through a lot of unnecessary pain and wonder if there's a chance you two will get back together. 4. Eventually you'll come to realize she wasn't worth your time and move on. You can avoid having to put yourself through all those steps and get started on #4 right now if you just forget about her altogether.
Notorious Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 You should just break off all contact with her dude. You cannot be friends with an ex while one of you still has feelings. It's impossible. Go do your own thing, let her do her own thing, and see what happens. If in the future, after enough time has passed, you can be friends, then so be it.
backspn Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 I would play the "dont ask...dont tell" policy. If she starts to talk about the new guy then tell her you dont feel confortable talking about it. She'll understand....she might be a lil mad cause she will want you to feel jealous. Trust me...Ive been there...you dont want to know. Its not healthy if you ever get back together with her. If in the future, after enough time has passed, you can be friends, then so be it. It never works out this way....it will be very hard for the dumpee(you) to get back with the dumper(her)....you will not want her back anymore when the time comes because it takes so long to happen.....we move on. Her loss....but they never learn that....then they get together with the ahole guy and call you later crying.....been there...wont do it again.
faux Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 The part of you that really wants to know if your ex is dating, if and when it finds out that she is, will agree with the other part of you—the part that does NOT want to know if she is dating. If I was in your situation again, I would rather find out through word of mouth, rather than my own research into the topic.
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