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Have you ever made an ex realize what their missing out on? Can I?

Tink19

By Tink19
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Tink19 Member

Tink19

Posted
Posted

How can I show my ex what he's missing out on? Have you ever had an ex realize it?

 

We dated for over a year and we broke up 2 weeks ago. He said he wasn't ready/mature for a relationship. I honestly treated him like a prince and I know I deserve to be treated better than what he could give me (due to his age and schedule) but I still liked him. I went above and beyond for him and people kept telling me to break it off but he made me happy and he was everything I looked for in a guy. We did have a lot of fun...well before he got crazy busy. He made me think we'd date at least until this fall. He's kind of avoiding me right now when we're in the same place. Idk if he feels guilty or what. I doubt he still has feelings for me and I'm slowly trying to move on. I feel so stupid for trying so hard during the relationship and falling for a boy. I feel like I got taken advantage of. He's leaving in a few weeks for the summer and he said he didn't want to take advantage of me any longer. Will he realize it when he's older? He'll be a senior this fall and I'm 18.

 

 

(I want as much feedback as possible.)

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

This happens without your control when you move on and love life,when you realize just how much you dont need him in your life,and when it does happen, you dont really care any more, your future holds promise without him...single or ...with another....life holds promise....which is what every one should have, that promise of a new day..blue skies.....forget your ex....adn that is when he will remember the brightness you have.....the spark.....get that spark back hold it close and you wotn need your ex to want you back ...you honestly wont care...your path doesnt hold him in it and best wishes.........deb

  • Like 1
ConfusedT Established Member

ConfusedT

Posted
Posted

Honestyly, you are SO young and have SO much time to find someone who makes you truly happy and wants to be with you. Younger men typically just have harder times being committed (not that older men dont) and especially at this age. Just maintain your ground and try not to talk to him, at least he had the decency to tell you, bc a lot of men dont.

 

I have never had an ex truly chase me after NC, but with the last relationship, I literally bombarded this man for MONTHS AND MONTHS AND MONTHS. I was truly broken, but I got over it with time and a lot of self-reflection and self-love.

 

You'll be ok. You have your whole life ahead of you!

  • Like 1
aisuru Established Member

aisuru

Posted
Posted
This happens without your control when you move on and love life,when you realize just how much you dont need him in your life,and when it does happen, you dont really care any more, your future holds promise without him...single or ...with another....life holds promise....which is what every one should have, that promise of a new day..blue skies.....forget your ex....adn that is when he will remember the brightness you have.....the spark.....get that spark back hold it close and you wotn need your ex to want you back ...you honestly wont care...your path doesnt hold him in it and best wishes.........deb

 

This times a million. I cannot tell you how many ex boyfriends or guys I casually dated have come crawling out of the wood work recently.

 

None of them interest me, but I enjoy speaking with each of them for different reasons.

 

My most recent ex... well, there is part of me would LOVE for us to meet at the right time, if you will, later down the road. But reality tells me I won't care if and when he decides to grace me with his presence again. That's just the way it is. And honestly, he is probably the best match for me on so many levels out of anybody I've met. It just gives me hope there is somebody out there even better.

  • Like 2
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted
This times a million. I cannot tell you how many ex boyfriends or guys I casually dated have come crawling out of the wood work recently.

 

None of them interest me, but I enjoy speaking with each of them for different reasons.

 

My most recent ex... well, there is part of me would LOVE for us to meet at the right time, if you will, later down the road. But reality tells me I won't care if and when he decides to grace me with his presence again. That's just the way it is. And honestly, he is probably the best match for me on so many levels out of anybody I've met. It just gives me hope there is somebody out there even better.

 

 

its true, when you move on truly move on, they start coming back, but exes are exes for a reason, didn't work out the first time......why do the re run.......i am friends with both my long term exes, i am a loyal person and i was their friend before i am their friend again but as far as getting back together, i know these guys were not my match, if they were i would still be with them, I put aside some of my beliefs to be with them, not again, I look forward to being with someone who loves me as much as i love them....and biggest point someone who holds fidelity close......i deserve that......i wont take less....and i wont give up my beliefs....that will keep my skies blue......smilin atcha with blue skies ahead.......deb

travelonic Established Member

travelonic

Posted
Posted (edited)
... exes are exes for a reason....b

 

Wish this phrase, amongst other cliches regarding breaups, would die in a fire - too many people just spat it out [not saying you're doing that here, though] in situations where it's like "Yeah, exes are that for a reason, so? hat does that have to do with people wanting to try again, etc? Who says that reason is permanent, or should be treated as a permanent inhibition that prevents even that case when both parties want to try again?" It just seems like a non-seqiutur depending on the specific cases in which it is used [as in, yes there are plenty of legit uses].

 

 

 

In my opinion, for the OP: Whether they come back or not is not an all or nothing game - both in it happening or not, and it being successful or not should it happen. The thing I have been learning is that the circumstances have to be right - and you have to meddle as little as possible. For example, a good relationship that ended because one cut out in search of greener grass, and nothing else, where the dumpee doesn' do anything to interfere [and just focuses on healing], is probably gonna be more successful in reaching reconciliation than a bad one [by bad I mean some sort of abuse, mental or physical, lying, etc], or a good or bad relationship ended but the dumpee interfered too much [or at all]. That doesn't mean to not hope for it, that certainly doesn't mean to wipe the other person clean from your memories either - contrary to what some would lead you to believe. It does mean you should disconnect yourself from that for now though, and heal - maybe you'll find something better, maybe later on you two will get back together, who knows - it's the future.

Edited by travelonic
DavidSoBased Member

DavidSoBased

Posted
Posted

How can you make an ex feel like they missed out on something when she was with that "something" for a year??

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted

Guys only come back if they were deeply love with you in the first place; and you broke up for factors that were not to do with your love and loyalty.

 

Basically - genuine second chances are EXTREMELY rare. GENUINE ones. Sure, guys come back to talk. I am fairly certain that my ex will break no contact to " check up" on me.

 

Mostly, guys come back because they just want to test the waters, and see if they still have a hold of your heart. For reasons like: boosting their ego, or seeing if you have moved on cos they miss you yet do not want you back.

 

YES a fair few guys do come back, but not because they truly want you badly!

 

There are FAR more wishy washy and aloof men that come back to you, than there are men who genuinely want a second chance at being with you.

  • Like 2
travelonic Established Member

travelonic

Posted
Posted

Basically - genuine second chances are EXTREMELY rare. GENUINE ones.

 

 

Define genuine, and define rare.

 

These forums seem to be showing it a bit more common ESPECIALLY lately particularly when GIGS is involved, and if I do my fair share of looking, it does seem like, depending on the specifics of the relationship, it is something that while not guaranteed by any stretch is not as rare as say getting struck by lightning or winning the lottery.

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted

I do think people come back after realizing what they are missing. However, the problem(s) that led to the breakup are still there. The question is: is the dumper willing to work on these problems to get what they have been missing out on. Is the work worth the reward, or is there no amount of work that will fix the problem? Time will tell, but I wouldn't put your life on hold in the process.

Pisces13 Established Member

Pisces13

Posted
Posted
Define genuine, and define rare.

 

These forums seem to be showing it a bit more common ESPECIALLY lately particularly when GIGS is involved, and if I do my fair share of looking, it does seem like, depending on the specifics of the relationship, it is something that while not guaranteed by any stretch is not as rare as say getting struck by lightning or winning the lottery.

 

That's what I said in the other topic, you read on here often that reconciliations are extremely rare etc. but yet the amount of posts from people who have just been dumped because their partner is going back to their ex, or has been sleeping with their ex or whatever seems to be a pretty common occurance.

 

Of course that doesn't mean it is going to happen to all of us, but I think people on here underestimate just how often reconciliations do happen.

ThatJustHappened Established Member

ThatJustHappened

Posted
Posted
How can I show my ex what he's missing out on? Have you ever had an ex realize it?

 

We dated for over a year and we broke up 2 weeks ago. He said he wasn't ready/mature for a relationship. I honestly treated him like a prince and I know I deserve to be treated better than what he could give me (due to his age and schedule) but I still liked him. I went above and beyond for him and people kept telling me to break it off but he made me happy and he was everything I looked for in a guy. We did have a lot of fun...well before he got crazy busy. He made me think we'd date at least until this fall. He's kind of avoiding me right now when we're in the same place. Idk if he feels guilty or what. I doubt he still has feelings for me and I'm slowly trying to move on. I feel so stupid for trying so hard during the relationship and falling for a boy. I feel like I got taken advantage of. He's leaving in a few weeks for the summer and he said he didn't want to take advantage of me any longer. Will he realize it when he's older? He'll be a senior this fall and I'm 18.

 

 

(I want as much feedback as possible.)

 

Short answer - no.

 

Long answer - you can't force someone to feel something for you if they don't. He's not going to realize what he's missing unless he actually misses it.

 

Also, you're both SO young..it's highly unusual to end up with your first boyfriend. Go test the waters!!

ThatJustHappened Established Member

ThatJustHappened

Posted
Posted
That's what I said in the other topic, you read on here often that reconciliations are extremely rare etc. but yet the amount of posts from people who have just been dumped because their partner is going back to their ex, or has been sleeping with their ex or whatever seems to be a pretty common occurance.

 

Of course that doesn't mean it is going to happen to all of us, but I think people on here underestimate just how often reconciliations do happen.

 

Just because they happen doesn't mean they're successful. It is rare for a reconciliation to stick. There are too many issues from the past. It's not like all that stuff just goes away when you get back together. There are trust issues, there are walls up that are very hard to break down..it feels great at first but then the fear sets in and it just gets hard and painful.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted

You can't "make" anyone feel or realize anything. That's their department. Yours is to move on. He broke up with you for a reason - not that there was something wrong with you, at all, but because he was not interested in carrying on that relationship any more.

 

The kindest thing you can do for yourself is to stop clinging onto false hopes. Even if he thinks back on how great you were and the good times you had - that is not what he's wanting right now.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted

Of course that doesn't mean it is going to happen to all of us, but I think people on here underestimate just how often reconciliations do happen.

 

I doubt that any real, serious and lasting reconciliations happen because one person "made" the other realize or feel whatever. They happen because both people are in the right place in EACH of their lives for a reconciliation to be a great thing for BOTH of them.

flitzanu Established Member

flitzanu

Posted
Posted
How can I show my ex what he's missing out on? Have you ever had an ex realize it?

 

We dated for over a year and we broke up 2 weeks ago. He said he wasn't ready/mature for a relationship. I honestly treated him like a prince and I know I deserve to be treated better than what he could give me (due to his age and schedule) but I still liked him. I went above and beyond for him and people kept telling me to break it off but he made me happy and he was everything I looked for in a guy. We did have a lot of fun...well before he got crazy busy. He made me think we'd date at least until this fall. He's kind of avoiding me right now when we're in the same place. Idk if he feels guilty or what. I doubt he still has feelings for me and I'm slowly trying to move on. I feel so stupid for trying so hard during the relationship and falling for a boy. I feel like I got taken advantage of. He's leaving in a few weeks for the summer and he said he didn't want to take advantage of me any longer. Will he realize it when he's older? He'll be a senior this fall and I'm 18.

 

 

(I want as much feedback as possible.)

 

no. you're not going to convince him of anything.

 

"i'm not ready for a relationship" = "i want to go bang other people".

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