Weird emotionless phone call,struggling to maintain NC

[youaremysunshine]

I ended it with a guy about a month ago after I found out he still maintained an active Okc profile (where we met). He had updated his picture and it said he was single and looking for friends, pen pals and casual sex.

 

 

Upon confronting him he said he wasn't ready to commit because I was his first everything and he didn't know what he wanted

 

He also urged me not to leave him because he would never find anyone who understood him like me. He went on to say he would be very lonely without me because he has no one.

 

 

It's true that he have few assoiciates. He has no friends, he left his family because they are in a cult, he works alone for himself and has never has a romantic relationship before me.

 

I tried to go NC but he has been texting me that he misses and is very lonely. He said he is losing his voice without anyone to talk to and is worried that he is talking to himself.

 

He called me last night but said little. I'm not sure what that purpose of the call was. His voice sounded hollow and strange. I worry about him.

 

I want to go to him badly but I think it will put me back to

square one in terms of getting over him. Also I'm leaving for France in a month and a half, he knows this.

 

Oh and also he changed his Okc profile to say he's only looking for pen pals.

[youaremysunshine]

Basically I need to be talked out of going to see this dude.

[siankat]

I ended it with a guy about a month ago after I found out he still maintained an active Okc profile (where we met). He had updated his picture and it said he was single and looking for friends, pen pals and casual sex.

 

 

Upon confronting him he said he wasn't ready to commit because I was his first everything and he didn't know what he wanted

 

He also urged me not to leave him because he would never find anyone who understood him like me. He went on to say he would be very lonely without me because he has no one.

 

 

It's true that he have few assoiciates. He has no friends, he left his family because they are in a cult, he works alone for himself and has never has a romantic relationship before me.

 

I tried to go NC but he has been texting me that he misses and is very lonely. He said he is losing his voice without anyone to talk to and is worried that he is talking to himself.

 

He called me last night but said little. I'm not sure what that purpose of the call was. His voice sounded hollow and strange. I worry about him.

 

I want to go to him badly but I think it will put me back to

square one in terms of getting over him. Also I'm leaving for France in a month and a half, he knows this.

 

Oh and also he changed his Okc profile to say he's only looking for pen pals.

 

 

THat bit made me laugh

 

But on a serious note, he is saying what he needs from you etc otherwise his life will be worse. But honey!!! what about you?!?! you need a man who basically wants you totally and no other!! Not only is he saying he doesn't want the commitment, he has also demonstrated on his own free will he was looking for casual sex. I'm not sure how much you can trust about what he has told you to be honest. I'm not sure if you are drawn to 'fix' him or what but he is not looking out for you so please, you have to do it for yourself. I'm so excited for you that you are going to France!!! I think best leave him to himself and his online dalliances. I don't think this guy is gonna do what it takes to change as he is basically asking you to move your goal posts from a good place, to a worse one, and he wants to stay right where he is, doing what he's doing, and sucking the best from you. Please girl, KNOW you deserve better and leave this guy to find his match. i.e. someone with the lack of self worth who will go along with the crap he is trying to dish out. He knows EXACTLY what he is doing babe.

[siankat]

However, i just glanced at some of your other posts and threads and, i think you need to look at you too. Like attracting like in the general sense. You seem to be attracted to or court drama.

[youaremysunshine]

Exactly! He is saying "I have an eye out for something else but I'm also insecure and needy so don't leave me!"

 

I hate to think of him alone and depressed though. He doesn't really have any one for support.

[youaremysunshine]

To be honest all the drama is this guy! Otherwise I have a history of falling for guys who just want sex.

[ConfusedT]

Yes, please dont talk to this man. I know it is much easier said than and Im going through the same NC thing that you are, but being through this before, I can only tell you how strong NC will make you.. Good luck!

[siankat]

To be honest all the drama is this guy! Otherwise I have a history of falling for guys who just want sex.

 

I'm not trying to single you out here believe me but, i have come to think that we attract what we think we deserve in terms of significant others. The ones who are not good enough will not last long with us at all because we will be self trained to accept better. Some people have that naturally, good for them, and some, have to learn it but you (we) can. Takes recognition, self control and effort

[Minneloa]

Exactly! He is saying "I have an eye out for something else but I'm also insecure and needy so don't leave me!"

 

I hate to think of him alone and depressed though. He doesn't really have any one for support.

 

Ok, I am going to speak frankly here. This guy is a dud, and I do not understand what the lingering appeal is for you.

 

Given how miserable he made you in the relationship (based on your posting history), why on earth are you considering rekindling things with him?

 

Also, it is not your job to take care of your ex-boyfriend's emotional needs! In fact, this impulse seems to be interfering with your ability to take care of your own.

[youaremysunshine]

I have no idea. It's stupid. I'm already seeing someone else but my hearts not in it cause I'm leaving soon.

 

It hurts me to think of him depressed but he clearly is not so considerate of my emotions.

[youaremysunshine]

I wish he would just leave me alone. I'm a hopeless romantic

[Minneloa]

I wish he would just leave me alone. I'm a hopeless romantic

 

You cannot control what he does. You can only control what YOU do.

 

If you don't even know why you are sticking around for his lame phone calls and other stale breadcrumbs, why not just let it go?

 

Block him. Delete him. Go to France and have a wonderful time. Move on with your life.

 

And, at the risk of overstepping, you might do some self-reflection about why you are willing to settle for so little in a relationship.

 

M.

[youaremysunshine]

Eh I know why. I'm ultimately shallow and lustful. I'm very attracted to him and we have good sex. And maybe I just want something that's unattainable.

[youaremysunshine]

But yes, I do not want to be with someone who does not value me. I will not be baited into visiting him.

[flitzanu]

But yes, I do not want to be with someone who does not value me. I will not be baited into visiting him.

 

so in otherwords you can't figure out why you weren't good enough for him to commit to, and now you feel the incessant need to "be there" and prove to him how great you are even though you're dating someone else. if it is that big of a deal to you then just go sleep with him.