CryForNoOne Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I don't mind the "chase", but only to a certain point. It eventually gets tiresome and my interest starts to wane if we're transitioning to a relationship and it remains one sided. I'm not quite there yet but the thought is definitely starting to cross my mind. We've been on 6 dates over 6 weeks. I always ask her out, pick her up or come to her, pay for everything, and do most of the "impressing". She often initiates contact by text and has asked things like "so when will I see you again?" I guess that is about as much as a woman risks rejection... What is the normal progression for others? Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I guess that is about as much as a woman risks rejection... What is the normal progression for others? Generalizing isn't going to help you. I've never acted like this. I normally put a lot more into it. I at least make it very clear when I like a guy. If you're the one picking her up and paying for her, and you're getting one date a week, it almost sounds like you're being used. If a guy wants to pick me up and take me out to dinner once a week, I'd be down with that, too. It wouldn't even matter much who the guy was. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CptSaveAho Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I don't mind the "chase", but only to a certain point. It eventually gets tiresome and my interest starts to wane if we're transitioning to a relationship and it remains one sided. I'm not quite there yet but the thought is definitely starting to cross my mind. We've been on 6 dates over 6 weeks. I always ask her out, pick her up or come to her, pay for everything, and do most of the "impressing". She often initiates contact by text and has asked things like "so when will I see you again?" I guess that is about as much as a woman risks rejection... What is the normal progression for others? when are you going to kiss her/have sex with her? a guys job is to lead... get use to it or continue to be miserable 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 when are you going to kiss her/have sex with her? a guys job is to lead... get use to it or continue to be miserable This is true. I typically let a man lead until it's clear that we're in an exclusive relationship and we're past the getting to know you stage. How physical are you guys? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
fabulousgal Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 She wouldn't go out with you for no reason. I can't go out with guys I am not that into after 1-3 dates. Guys lead, stop worrying about it and have fun! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 when are you going to kiss her/have sex with her? a guys job is to lead... get use to it or continue to be miserable You always say it's the mans job to "lead" but then say it's the womans job to ask to be exclusive. Seems a little counter intuitive to me BTW OP does well with women IIRC... Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 when are you going to kiss her/have sex with her? a guys job is to lead... get use to it or continue to be miserable Um...guy's dont really have a job per-say...its best to go with the flow I would like to know if they have kissed or not yet Also, wouldn't hurt to suggest seeing her more than once a week 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Maybe him taking her out and showing her attention feeds her ego. His words about feeling like it was one-sided indicates, to me, that this is not normal courtship behavior. She could be doing more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 She should start reciprocating paying sometimes. I also don't think that it's necessarily important to meet more than once a week. Also, we do need more info. I don't think i see many problems here, people have different expectations, but it should progress, I mean, hope not all dates are the same and things are advancing at least more or less. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 Generalizing isn't going to help you. I've never acted like this. I normally put a lot more into it. I at least make it very clear when I like a guy. If you're the one picking her up and paying for her, and you're getting one date a week, it almost sounds like you're being used. If a guy wants to pick me up and take me out to dinner once a week, I'd be down with that, too. It wouldn't even matter much who the guy was. OK Well it isn't once a week. We saw each other 4 times in the first few weeks, then we decided to take a break for while to slow things down, then twice this weekend. We're in contact every day. 1700+ text messages... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I'd say "the chase" lasts a few dates, and then it becomes more of a dance, like a waltz, where the man continues to lead, but the woman follows and reciprocates his movements, one for one, or thereabouts, with some cute twirls and dips thrown in for good measure. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 OK Well it isn't once a week. We saw each other 4 times in the first few weeks, then we decided to take a break for while to slow things down, then twice this weekend. We're in contact every day. 1700+ text messages... Soo have you made a move?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 when are you going to kiss her/have sex with her? a guys job is to lead... get use to it or continue to be miserable I guess I need to clarify, we've made out every date (sometimes for hours and hours) and had sex this past weekend... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Are you happy with that? Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I guess I need to clarify, we've made out every date (sometimes for hours and hours) and had sex this past weekend... Dude - you have a girlfriend. Congratulations! Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I'd say "the chase" lasts a few dates, and then it becomes more of a dance, like a waltz, where the man continues to lead, but the woman follows and reciprocates his movements, one for one, or thereabouts, with some cute twirls and dips thrown in for good measure. i totally agree with the dance analogy.........its a mirror, move for move, if you like some one and it is mutually reciprocated...it shouldnt feel one sided or you arent dancing properly......there are no rules i believe on how fast or slow that dance moves its up to the individuals involved.......deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 No chasing. None at all. It's a waste of time.... Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I'd say "the chase" lasts a few dates, and then it becomes more of a dance, like a waltz, where the man continues to lead, but the woman follows and reciprocates his movements, one for one, or thereabouts, with some cute twirls and dips thrown in for good measure. Yeah, this is close to how I would describe it. I guess you have to find a person who dances the same dance that you do, because if she likes to foxtrot and you're tryna slip up on it doing the macarena, it's not gonna happen for you . For some guys though, they like the chase, and them chasing is their dance. They sometimes get bored when the chase is over even. That's why their ideal partner is a woman who is so enigmatic that they end up forever chasing them . Keeps em busy . Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted May 16, 2013 Author Share Posted May 16, 2013 Dude - you have a girlfriend. Congratulations! Right?!? So after sex she freaked out a bit, my female friend speculated that she may have BPD, but I saw her a couple days later, not a date, I just dropped by her place. We talked for a while and there was some more intimacy and everything seemed fine. So the part that is really odd to me is that we're in contact every day this week but it feels like she's waiting for me to "ask her out" again. Here we are on Thursday and unless I initiate, the weekend is going to just come and go. Doesn't feel right... Link to post Share on other sites
GB25 Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 This is the same girl that went nuts after sex and called her guy friend to come pick her up in the middle of the night? Dude she sounds like a lot of drama and baggage.. Theres some guys who say they dont like drama but always participate and find girl's who bring nothing but problems to relationships..so if you truly are " drama free" than i'd say find someone a little more stable..but if you like the intensity and ups and downs that come along with dating her then knock yourself out...the drama will not stop Link to post Share on other sites
crude Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Right?!? So after sex she freaked out a bit, my female friend speculated that she may have BPD, Since you pay for all the dates, maybe you should pay for her medical treatment too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 I don't mind the "chase", but only to a certain point. It eventually gets tiresome and my interest starts to wane if we're transitioning to a relationship and it remains one sided. I'm not quite there yet but the thought is definitely starting to cross my mind. We've been on 6 dates over 6 weeks. I always ask her out, pick her up or come to her, pay for everything, and do most of the "impressing". She often initiates contact by text and has asked things like "so when will I see you again?" I guess that is about as much as a woman risks rejection... What is the normal progression for others? 6 weeks is too long. I know for me if I don't push for sex within a month I lose. Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 If a chase lasts a couple of years, you've got problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted May 17, 2013 Author Share Posted May 17, 2013 So I guess the "chase", or maybe "courting" is a better term, is continuing in my situation. We talk everyday but no hint of going out again until I asked her if she wanted to go hiking this weekend, to which she replied "I'd love to!" Then she asks me what I'm doing Friday, to which I replied no plans. She said she's going out with an old friend for dinner but "Can I call you after?" I guess I'm starting to tire of the mild anxiety of asking her out, and uncertainty around planning my evenings. This weekend will be date #7 and #8. I don't remember ever "asking a girl out" so many times... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 So I guess the "chase", or maybe "courting" is a better term, is continuing in my situation. We talk everyday but no hint of going out again until I asked her if she wanted to go hiking this weekend, to which she replied "I'd love to!" Then she asks me what I'm doing Friday, to which I replied no plans. She said she's going out with an old friend for dinner but "Can I call you after?" I guess I'm starting to tire of the mild anxiety of asking her out, and uncertainty around planning my evenings. This weekend will be date #7 and #8. I don't remember ever "asking a girl out" so many times... Yeah, I don't think you should have to be the only one asking out at this point... When I'm really into a guy, I'm usually at least hint-asking ("we should do X") by like date 3. Link to post Share on other sites
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