BUBS Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Most of you know me on here, my ex fiance and I split up 7 months ago. Anyone that goes back in my posts can see that I struggled immensely with the break up like everyone else here dealing with heartache, rejection, loss of dignity and self esteem. This journey is never consistent... you don't go from one phase to the next... sometimes you wake up and think "wow maybe I really am healing, maybe I really am over it!" only to find yourself whimpering over a gallon of ice cream (jack daniels) 3 hours later. We all heal and cope differently. For me, my coping and healing is very up and down. I've made substantial progress since I first came to these boards... and my view of my ex has changed in many ways. People are right, time does do the dirty work that we spend every waking second wondering how to fix ourselves. I'm not sure as I've said before if I'm healing or just forgetting, pushing things I cannot change away. Take the advice of people on the forums about not checking up on them... no new things to dwell over = focusing on other things. It's difficult in the beginning stages because you are used to them being around... used to having someone to call when the tiniest thing goes wrong and you need to vent, used to having someone to say good morning and good night to... and that's why time heals... because in time you get used to not having these luxury's, you get used to a new routine. I do still miss and think about him often, but it is much more hazy than before. I miss being loved much more than anything else at this point. I still struggle with comparing people to him that I meet, which is why I am still single, and I hope eventually I will get to a place where I am able to get to know someone wholeheartedly and where my intentions are in the right place... Some of the things that helped progress me faster- 1. Journal and vlogging! I still continue to journal and vlog whenever I have the opportunity to share my thoughts, as I think this is absolutely necessary so you can look back on the progress and changes. My old vlogs only spoke of him, and now when I write or video I find that he doesn't get mentioned half as much. 2. Being healthy- In the beginning I gave into my emotions as most do, in all of the worst ways. I binge ate, chain smoked, and drank like a fish. I stayed up all night on break up blogs and so forth, and I laid in bed all day long. Now I make it a point to cook healthy meals for myself, get enough sleep, stay hydrated and physically active. It makes a world of difference, not just because your brain functions and copes better with adversity but also because it makes you feel accomplished. I also began taking multivitamins and Saint Johns wort- a natural mood stabilizer. 3.Staying social- I isolated a lot in the beginning. I remember after two months when my sister came to visit and I was forced to socialize that I was utterly exhausted at the task after only a few hours. After new years I made it a point to take any spare time I had and get the hell out of the house, I think out of everything this progressed me the most... you keep yourself in check after a while when you realize your friends don't want to hear your sad story ever again, and it does wonders to know there are still people in your life who can make you laugh (even if its not as hard as you used to) and keep your mind relatively occupied. 4.Developing a good routine- In the beginning my routine consisted of everything that could make me feel worse of myself and my life. I'd take a gander at my messy bedroom, my extra weight, and my lack of motivation and say "my life was so much better with him, now its a mess"... one of the most important things is making sure that you force yourself everyday to be productive, even if its busy work like reorganizing your closet or cleaning your car...these things will absolutely help you to feel better about yourself in the long run. If I could have all the months back where I chose to do nothing instead of even the smallest things to progress my own individual life instead of resisting, I would probably be doing spectacular things. 5. Work hard- There is nothing better than having money in your pocket, and your **** together. I work two jobs now, and while I hate not having the time to myself to think sometimes, it makes me feel a hell of a lot better to know that I'm saving for things in my future that will hopefully bring me to my destiny. 6.Pray- Whether you are religious or not is irrelevant, in a time like this you need to replace that amazing faith and hope you have holding out for your ex to come back, and put it into faith for a higher power or being that helps you to feel more comfortable being slightly out of control of things like this, that helps you understand that everything is what it is for a reason, and one day you will look back and the questions you are currently asking yourself will be answered and this will all make sense. I youtubed Joel Osteen sermons (because he wasn't too preachy and is super positive) every morning on my commute to work, even before I found any type of religion, and it was the only thing that got me through the day. I still have my day's where I look back on the life I thought I should have had with him and don't understand why it needed to be taken from me... why I would have to spend so many years loving unconditionally only to be left with a tainted view of relationships and human beings... but I know I'm closer than I think to a change of heart. Thank you to everyone on these boards who have helped me through the struggle... I'm still going through it, but I'm going through it a hell of a lot stronger. I'll post soon. 8
BC1980 Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 That is great. It gives me hope. I am only one month out, and I the emotional roller coaster. I'm trying to get a second, part time job to fill time.
LoveB86 Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Cheers to you BUBS, you made a change and it did you well. I love Joel Osteen and will follow your advice regarding listening to his sermons. I had been listening to a christian radio station everyday to help me put my life in perspective and the things left unsaid and undone is outta my control. I can't control what happens, but I have control over myself and the choices I make. Hope all continues to do well for you.
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