Author CryForNoOne Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 That is your problem. You expect women to bear the load of pacing things. Poor baby... boo hoo. You got cold feet early on, then still expected her to be all A-Ok with sex after that. Just cause you say so... and to take your word for it. uh huh. Agreeing to or pushing unprotected sex too. Bet this isn't the first time, is it? When was the last time you were tested? Or is that something you expect her to take your word for as well?? Of course she is nervous... and has reason to be if you can't control yourself physically and expect her to do all the work. Her problem is that she is not listening to her gut. She should have sent you packing when her spidey sense went up. Now she expects you to make things ok for her emotionally, and that isn't realistic either. So, yea... this is par for the course in OLD. You aren't committed, but wanna have sex ASAP and will say whatever you need to... up to and including having unprotected sex. She is nervous about your intentions, but has sex hoping it will make it ok. I'd say scrap this one. Both of you are messed up. No it's not the first time. I seem to be pretty persuasive at convinving women to have unprotected sex, but usually about the third time... I haven't been tested in a while but I'm quite monogamous and have only had 3 partners since becoming single and no overlap. I made my FWB get tested when I found out she slept with a guy I know sleeps around. The glass is not half empty in your world, it's half filled with hemlock...
ja123 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 (edited) We almost had sex that night but she gave me the ultimatum "You can f**k me once and I'll never talk to you again, or you can wait and get to f**k me a thousand times" Ha, the gas light got turned on. Imagine the thing she most wanted from being with you, and placing an ultimatum like that in her face. The Enterprise transporter couldn't remove her from your presence more quickly. Leave the psychological diagnosis for a professional who doesn't care. Move on. Good luck. I don't know if I understand what you're getting at, carhill. Explain, please. To me, that quote indicates that she probably got hurt in her last relationship and she doesn't want to get hurt again; therefore, if it's gonna be a ONS or FWB she'll do it once and then run. Otherwise, she would prefer that someone is genuine and takes the time to get to know her for there to be a relationship to develop (i.e., f*ck me a thousand times"). That's not unreasonable thinking where she's coming from, IMO, given that the OP was probably hardlining it for immediate sex. Edited May 20, 2013 by ja123
Author CryForNoOne Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 I don't know if I understand what you're getting at, carhill. Explain, please. To me, that quote indicates that she probably got hurt in her last relationship and she doesn't want to get hurt again; therefore, if it's gonna be a ONS or FWB she'll do it once and then run. Otherwise, she would prefer that someone is genuine and takes the time to get to know her for there to be a relationship to develop (i.e., f*ck me a thousand times"). That's not unreasonable thinking where she's coming from, IMO, given that the OP was probably hardlining it for immediate sex. That's how I interpreted it and that's consistent with her actions. It was a bit dramatic but that's her style...
RedRobin Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 No it's not the first time. I seem to be pretty persuasive at convinving women to have unprotected sex, but usually about the third time... I haven't been tested in a while but I'm quite monogamous and have only had 3 partners since becoming single and no overlap. I made my FWB get tested when I found out she slept with a guy I know sleeps around. The glass is not half empty in your world, it's half filled with hemlock... OMG... it's the 'screw women who have been tested' method... cross my fingers... really!! If I had a dime for every guy who tried to give me this baloney. Wow. I'd be a millionaire. Which is why it is only STD tests in writing or attended together that float my boat. Any guy worth a damn not only agrees to this... but is enthusiastic and thrilled that I have this criteria. The rest well... I assume at least a few end up getting herpes or something worse later in life from the girl or guy who 'didn't know' she/he had it... I know one guy who had that happen to. How did I know. Um... tests my friend. tests. Otherwise, I might have been a casualty myself. He didn't know (supposedly). She didn't know (supposedly). They both know NOW... (shaking head). There is no piece of *ss so wonderful that is worth carrying that shyte around for life. 1
RedRobin Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I don't know if I understand what you're getting at, carhill. Explain, please. To me, that quote indicates that she probably got hurt in her last relationship and she doesn't want to get hurt again; therefore, if it's gonna be a ONS or FWB she'll do it once and then run. Otherwise, she would prefer that someone is genuine and takes the time to get to know her for there to be a relationship to develop (i.e., f*ck me a thousand times"). That's not unreasonable thinking where she's coming from, IMO, given that the OP was probably hardlining it for immediate sex. It's a retarded statement. Of course he's going to keep pushing. The minute she felt the desire to even SAY that statement is when she should have walked.... walked away altogether or picked up her stuff and left. This is a plea for him to take some responsibility... but he just said he's not capable of showing much if any... and has a habit of unprotected sex. She's not listening... and is expecting him to be a good person, when he's showing with his actions he's not capable of that. Silly girl. Just walk!!
carhill Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I don't know if I understand what you're getting at, carhill. Explain, please. To me, that quote indicates that she probably got hurt in her last relationship and she doesn't want to get hurt again; therefore, if it's gonna be a ONS or FWB she'll do it once and then run. Otherwise, she would prefer that someone is genuine and takes the time to get to know her for there to be a relationship to develop (i.e., f*ck me a thousand times"). That's not unreasonable thinking where she's coming from, IMO, given that the OP was probably hardlining it for immediate sex. Ultimatums are simple emotional manipulation. She was using sex as a tool to engineer a scenario, ostensibly by giving him a choice to have sex with her once and never see her again versus 'waiting' and having sex 'a thousand times'. Presuming her choice of words was as the OP related, that's also telling, referring to sex as 'fµck'. Here's another statement attributed to the young lady which is telling: She got drunk that night and told me she ran away because she "liked me too much", "wasn't in control of her actions", and preferred "guys she didn't like that much" Class A mind-fµck, IMO. Of course, in nearly every instance, it is rationalized away by 'you must've misunderstood'. Ha, not likely. As I suggested, the healthy move is away. 1
carhill Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 After reading the OP's first post in the linked thread, I'll change my advice to 'run away' from 'move away'. Yikes.
RedRobin Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I agree that ultimatums are no way to build intimacy and trust. What the woman did was silly. Just as silly as the OP who pushes for sex ASAP 'or else'. Which is why I next guys who leave me with the impression... stated or implied.... that if I don't f them by date X that they are moving on. That's an ultimatum too.
carhill Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 TBH, I did not know that they were on the verge of intercourse when that 'ultimatum' was delivered, nor what the young lady's behaviors had been during the course of the dates, until going back and reading the backstory. Wow, flashbacks, mainly from dating alcoholics. Yikes. That young lady sounds like she has 'stuff' to work through. Hope it works out for her.
ja123 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I don't think the wman has BPD. What's happened here is that she was majorly burned in a previous relationship and now has commitment issues. That's why she said it's easier for her to be with guys she has less feelings for. Deep down, though, I think she would like a loving relationship with someone, but she's scared. And Red Robin is right, she should have walked right before she even stated such a phrase. Ultimately she wasn't respecting her inner desire (to be loved) and she knew better, but went off and had unprotected sex anyway. She's being reactionary from serious heartbreak over which yet she has not grieved or yet healed. Good luck to her. 1
ja123 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 After reading the OP's first post in the linked thread, I'll change my advice to 'run away' from 'move away'. Yikes. OK, after reading that post, of course OP should run. No kidding! The booze turned her from a wallflower to something else. That's scary. But, why in the heck would he have unprotected sex with a woman like this? Or any woman that he doesn't know or isn't in a relationship with? 2
Mrlonelyone Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 This kind of woman always goes crazier after you f_ck them. I'll bet she effed the OP like a pornstar. Ahh memories. OP she ain't worth it. I know exactly how your feel. Women like that are hard to leave. Then when you do they won't leave you alone. She needs professional help , lots of it. You need to cut her loose.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Someone very close to me has BPD, and of course all cases are different, but I don't think that's what's going on here. She's clearly got some unresolved issues and it's affecting her current relationships. The only question is, do you want to stick around with someone who's already on shaky ground? 1
Author CryForNoOne Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 I don't think the wman has BPD. What's happened here is that she was majorly burned in a previous relationship and now has commitment issues. That's why she said it's easier for her to be with guys she has less feelings for. Deep down, though, I think she would like a loving relationship with someone, but she's scared. And Red Robin is right, she should have walked right before she even stated such a phrase. Ultimately she wasn't respecting her inner desire (to be loved) and she knew better, but went off and had unprotected sex anyway. She's being reactionary from serious heartbreak over which yet she has not grieved or yet healed. Good luck to her. I think you guys have misinterpreted some of the stuff going on here. She gave me that ultimatum about a month before we had sex. I respected her request to slow things down and did not pressure her at all. She told me its been about a year since she last had sex and I doubt she's lying. Yes at times she has exhibited bipolar type behavior but we've talked alot and honesty is a big deal for both of us. She's not a liar nor do I consider her a stranger any more. When we had sex, we both knew we were entering an exclusive relationship. We spent the entire past weekend together so now we've had sex several times. It's unprotected and she hasn't mentioned it at all. She has gotten pretty emotional a couple more times but I'm learning how to deal with it and they're getting less dramatic and severe in duration.
AsonUnique Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I've also dated someone diagnosed with bi-polar, it was a bit of a trip. There were mood swings, manic and depressive, but like Expat said "all cases are different." Fact is that none of us can diagnose this girl but there's no doubt that some possibly serious issues lay jussssst below the surface. Sounds like you had a good weekend and plan on proceeding with this. So best of luck to you man, sincerely.
PogoStick Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 She's just a typical girl who likely had some rough times when she was young. Abused? Abandoned? Parents divorced or drug users? Only the bad relationships feel normal. Good relationships mean she has to open up and be vulnerable. If she likes a guy her 1st instinct is to sabotage it. Tell us about her history?
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