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Rejection is a bugger!! Anyone else having trouble with this?

mtnbiker3000

By mtnbiker3000
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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I just can't seem to get past this rejection. Hitting me very hard!! It's just when I look how he she acted, how she treated me, how happy she was to be with me at the beginning. How we spent every minute together, being happy. Sharing ourselves completely with each other. For 2+ years.

 

To how she feels about me now. How she now only remebers the negatives. How she so completely changed her mind about me. How the last things she said to me were so superficial and negative. Like she didn't even ever acknowledge the years of intimacy and how much I gave myself to her. How much I opened myself to her. I don't think she even cares. It just makes me feel like complete crap. What did I do to end up like this? How did I get here? How can she view the RS like this? It makes my mind spin and spin. Think I'm going to be sick :sick:

 

Damn it! Every time I take a small step forward, I take two steps down and out. I feel like shyte today!! Need some support.

 

BTW - 59 days of 99% NC ;)

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Debbie2508 Established Member

Debbie2508

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I just can't seem to get past this rejection. Hitting me very hard!! It's just when I look how he she acted, how she treated me, how happy she was to be with me at the beginning. How we spent every minute together, being happy. Sharing ourselves completely with each other. For 2+ years.

 

To how she feels about me now. How she now only remebers the negatives. How she so completely changed her mind about me. How the last things she said to me were so superficial and negative. Like she didn't even ever acknowledge the years of intimacy and how much I gave myself to her. How much I opened myself to her. I don't think she even cares. It just makes me feel like complete crap. What did I do to end up like this? How did I get here? How can she view the RS like this? It makes my mind spin and spin. Think I'm going to be sick :sick:

 

Damn it! Every time I take a small step forward, I take two steps down and out. I feel like shyte today!! Need some support.

 

 

 

BTW - 59 days of 99% NC ;)

 

 

You've just summed up exactly how I feel,16 weeks on. Rejection hurts so much!

Hang in there,mtnbiker :-)

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BustedUpInside Established Member

BustedUpInside

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I hate that rejection not only prevents you from having what you think you want, but it somehow also convinces you that you aren't good enough to deserve it in the first place. It really is unfair. You are doing it, though. Everyday that you take the focus off what she said or did and make it about what you are saying or doing now, you win at life. Great job on the NC and keep up the good work :D

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mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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I just don't know if I have the stamina or strength to go through another RS. Hope that's just my post BU self talking :confused:

BustedUpInside Established Member

BustedUpInside

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I totally can relate to that. I can't imagine being with anyone else, and since I can't be with my ex, I think I will probably just be single. What I have heard and seen with other people, is that everyone feels like that post break up. My friend actually said, "You aren't ready for a relationship until you are." I thought that sounded dumb, but now I can see what she is talking about. She said it is like a light switch. You can meet a thousand new people and still not be ready to date and then you meet someone who just gets you and then it is easy again. I think that for normal people like you, me, and a lot of the people struggling on this site, that is the way it will happen for us ;)

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maiden555 Member

maiden555

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I'm feeling the same thing, 4 months later. It's gotten better but in the bad moments I just can't believe that he gave up on us. That he hasn't tried to get me back. Like everything we had wasn't special to him or wasn't worth trying for. It's so hard to understand when you've put years into it and you thought you both really valued it.

I can totally relate. I wish I had more helpful feedback but just know that other people are feeling that too.

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mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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Good to know I am not alone on this raft :p Don't know about you, but I cycle through so many emotions regarding this: Anger, forgiveness, acceptance, blame, sorrow, confusion and back again in all different order... This is the hardest part of the whole BU for me. I just can't let go. Maybe some more time will help, but want to get off this ride, now.

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Pisces13 Established Member

Pisces13

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Good to know I am not alone on this raft :p Don't know about you, but I cycle through so many emotions regarding this: Anger, forgiveness, acceptance, blame, sorrow, confusion and back again in all different order... This is the hardest part of the whole BU for me. I just can't let go. Maybe some more time will help, but want to get off this ride, now.

 

You're not alone mate, I'm right there with you!

 

I'll go for days at a time feeling really good and not thinking too much about the ex at all, then I'll see or hear something (Katy Perry songs get me every time) that reminds me of her, and it brings me right back down again. Some days I feel sad and depressed, other days I feel confused and lost. The past couple of days have been especially rough for me, I just keep thinking back over the relationship and all the things I could have done so much better, and also all the fun times we had together, it does your head in!

 

It's a vicious cycle, but you just need to try and stay strong, as hard as it can seem sometimes.

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OzHeartache Established Member

OzHeartache

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Good to know I am not alone on this raft :p Don't know about you, but I cycle through so many emotions regarding this: Anger, forgiveness, acceptance, blame, sorrow, confusion and back again in all different order... This is the hardest part of the whole BU for me. I just can't let go. Maybe some more time will help, but want to get off this ride, now.

 

 

Hey Biker

 

Not alone mate, Im here with you too...... Found out the othernight (not sure if you saw my thread) that my ex after 2 months of "Space" told me that she also wants to have a family like me......but she wants it with someone that doesn't have a family already (I have a little boy from a previous marriage)....... That's rejection bro!! :(

OzHeartache Established Member

OzHeartache

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I just keep thinking back over the relationship and all the things I could have done so much better, and also all the fun times we had together, it does your head in!

 

 

Exactly....Does your head in doesn't it Pisces

Try and keep busy (mind and body) but sometimes its not that easy to shake

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mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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Hey Biker

 

Not alone mate, Im here with you too...... Found out the othernight (not sure if you saw my thread) that my ex after 2 months of "Space" told me that she also wants to have a family like me......but she wants it with someone that doesn't have a family already (I have a little boy from a previous marriage)....... That's rejection bro!! :(

 

Ehhh, your better off without a woman like that. Hard to accept, but I really believe it. Why would someone say something like that?? I think we (I) pedestalize them. They fart roses!! It does help to remember the carp of the RS too, but that only goes so far. I guess we just need to plow through, heads held high, and hope for the best :p Good luck all!!!

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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I feel like sh*t too at times. It has been about a week since he left.

 

I too think of how much I gave to him and how happy we seemingly were. I know he was very happy (from his diary) and the way he acted. I struggle with the notion of him wanting to move on from all that, rather than wanting to try again at the relationship.

 

It makes you feel like " well you must never have loved me THAT MUCH if you would rather move on to other people, rather than waiting for me to change and work on my issues, which is why he apparently left.

 

Do you ever get annoyed at that idea? Of how much she really must have loved you, if she is willing to act like this now?

OzHeartache Established Member

OzHeartache

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Ehhh, your better off without a woman like that. Hard to accept, but I really believe it. Why would someone say something like that?? I think we (I) pedestalize them. They fart roses!! It does help to remember the carp of the RS too, but that only goes so far. I guess we just need to plow through, heads held high, and hope for the best :p Good luck all!!!

 

 

I guess she could not get past the fact that some of my time is always going to be with him and the ex was always going to be there....maybe she wants something less complicated.....But it took her a year to figure that out ?

 

Just feel so rejected.....like I wasn't good enough because I had a past..... I just miss the good times but nothing I can do about it, she's quite cold and have noticed not one of her ex's (even her ex husband) are really part of her life once they are gone, she just basically wipes them out of her memory........ Cold but guess its better than breadcrumbs (as much as im pinning for her to reach out to show me that our year+ did actually mean something).....just feels like "we" meant nothing to her if she can so easily wipe it from her memory

New2Love4Now Member

New2Love4Now

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Definitely not alone man... that's the part that really messes with me. I start to remember how we used to talk to each other... all day and night laughing and smiling and saying the sweetest things to each other. Then I remember how she talked to me after the BU like I was some beggar harassing her or worse - nobody. I mean wtf? Thinking about that just shoots my spirit down.

 

This feeling sucks. No way to really describe it either. It just makes you feel so low and worthless and unlovable. The person that once promised to never leave you and made you promise to never leave them doesn't even care how they talk to you. Makes me see the world much differently than how I used to... and not in a good way at all.

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mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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Definitely not alone man... that's the part that really messes with me. I start to remember how we used to talk to each other... all day and night laughing and smiling and saying the sweetest things to each other. Then I remember how she talked to me after the BU like I was some beggar harassing her or worse - nobody. I mean wtf? Thinking about that just shoots my spirit down.

 

This feeling sucks. No way to really describe it either. It just makes you feel so low and worthless and unlovable. The person that once promised to never leave you and made you promise to never leave them doesn't even care how they talk to you. Makes me see the world much differently than how I used to... and not in a good way at all.

 

^^ Well stated!!! Yeah, I am really worried about the future and terrified of a repeat performance... It is really hard to accept this from someone who once loved you so much. Now, not so much. Sucks!!

New2Love4Now Member

New2Love4Now

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^^ Well stated!!! Yeah, I am really worried about the future and terrified of a repeat performance... It is really hard to accept this from someone who once loved you so much. Now, not so much. Sucks!!

 

Exactly. Even if I get into another relationship, how can I trust the person or believe anything they say when the last one apparently could never leave me and would love me forever yet ended up treating me like a complete stranger?

 

I guess we just have to learn to be completely independent and happy by ourselves, so that if a repeat happens we aren't hurt because our love for ourselves will be more valuable than anyone else's. That's seems like the only way we can win. And hey, maybe if we really do learn to love ourselves above anyone else, we'll attract somebody special and actually be able to keep them til the end. But who really knows :p

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mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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Exactly. Even if I get into another relationship, how can I trust the person or believe anything they say when the last one apparently could never leave me and would love me forever yet ended up treating me like a complete stranger?

 

I guess we just have to learn to be completely independent and happy by ourselves, so that if a repeat happens we aren't hurt because our love for ourselves will be more valuable than anyone else's. That's seems like the only way we can win. And hey, maybe if we really do learn to love ourselves above anyone else, we'll attract somebody special and actually be able to keep them til the end. But who really knows :p

 

Yup, I kinda have suspected this for a while. Now the task becomes to get to this "secure" point in life. Easier said than done!! But, I am working on it...

 

And, I mean what is the point of falling in love with someone if you can't allow yourself to really do it? kind of a catch 22, I guess...

cinta_satu Member

cinta_satu

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I feel you mtnbiker. I felt the same way today after feeling good for the last 4-5 days. Out of the blue I just broke down and started weeping thinking about her. I made the mistake of reading an email she sent me last year and it was so full of love, caring, and joy. She absolutely adored and loved me and I was her life.

 

The most recent email she sent me a little over a month ago was her telling me how she's seeing someone else and she addressed me like a stranger who she never wants to hear from again.

 

I hope someday I find the answer to why after treating her like a princess every single day for 3 years and loving her and making her smile every single day she would treat me like this?

 

 

Yup, I kinda have suspected this for a while. Now the task becomes to get to this "secure" point in life. Easier said than done!! But, I am working on it...

 

And, I mean what is the point of falling in love with someone if you can't allow yourself to really do it? kind of a catch 22, I guess...

 

I want to reach that 'secure' point as well. But I keep wondering if there is no sense of co-dependency or some sort of emotional attachment what is the point of a relationship?

 

Will we ever be able to "fall" in love with someone completely or will we always have our guards up?

 

Use Your Heart as a Wall: Make It Stronger Instead of Shutting Down | Tiny Buddha

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mutant Established Member

mutant

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I wasn't going to join this pity party but I can relate to most of the situations posted here and I want to share my experience.

 

I really have done everything I should have (according to LS) to get over the ex and move on with my life but I have had no true returns. The following is my progress since going NC on December last year.

 

1. Went 100% NC even when she threw breadcrumbs my way ( now NC 5 months).

 

2. Enrolled for a masters degree on January this year at a local university (Completed the first semester; just begun the second )

 

3. Back then I was a juniour officer in my department but I have worked my way up to the H.O.D level where I supervise a team of 23 officers.

 

4. I have secured a second job as a lecturer II (equivalent of an associate lecturer) at a local but prestigious college (I will begin lecturing in a weeks time)

 

5. I am bootstrapping a company and have been doing private contractual work for industries and factories in my region for the last one and a half months.

 

6. I have been learning coding at codeacademy.com and I am now designing my first commercial website using HTML/CSS, Javascript and PHP languages. If you are interested in learning webdesign you should check out this great website it's a free resource :bunny:

 

7. I have made lots of friends especially ladies but I can't date any of them all I think of is the ex and all they do is remind me of her. I am really in no position to date anyone. I even went bungee-jumping with one of them last week and it was an absolutely awesome experience but still couldn't wipe out my sadness.

 

Most of what I have listed above is material stuff that hasn't helped improve my emotional well being. Nothing really compares to the awesome times we had with the ex. Even just chilling in the house and watching movies while snacking was really lovely. I literally put everything I had into that relationship only to get dumped after four years together. I also fought hard to win her back for 7 months after BU but eventually she found someone else and moved on with her happy life. :(

 

What really sucks is that while I am going through all this emotional shyte 5 months after going NC, all she does is hang around with her boyfriend, doing the things we used to do, completely oblivious of the pain I am going through. :(

 

There is nothing else I can think of that will make this pain fade away. Every morning and night I am thinking of the ex and I have now plateaued. Some days are just as worse as the initial break-up days. This is really hopeless. :(

 

It's sad that most posters here are going through the same thing and have no clue when things will get better. I can totally relate

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mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

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First of all, welcome to the pity party :p

 

Second. Congrats on all of the kick-ass accomplishments!!

 

Sounds like you just need more time. It really seems like you are close. Very close. Hang in there and give it some more time. Oh, evil, evil time :D

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