PoguethePenguin723 Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Wow, so it has been a LONG while since I have been on here... So I don't know if any of you have any experience with panic attacks and advice on how I can be more supportive to my boyfriend through this or if I should take a step back and have a break in the relationship...but here is some back story: (mind you I know this stuff is legit because we were friends through all this before starting a relationship) About a year ago my boyfriend went though a separation and divorce, along with working full time and having a heart problem. He was very stressed and started having panic attacks. He tried for a good 9 months to work things out with his wife first before throwing in the towel. He also cut back to 3 days at work and wasn't going out of the house very often. His panic attacks got better. Then January we started dating, he was still working just 3 days a week till the past 2 months when he has gone back to being manager obviously upping his work and the stress in his life some weeks he is working 50+ hrs and its not leaving him much time for down time and time to manage his relationship with myself and his family (mom, sister, grandparents.) He lost a lot of friends already after with drawling after the divorce and he panics when it comes to being out in public so we don't go out when we do spend time together (not that I care very much I like to go out on occasion but I am more of a home body) and I can easily get my going out needs met by going shopping or to lunch with a girlfriend or meeting a friend with our kids to the park. So the lack of going out doesn't much bother me... Thing is with this new work schedule the panic attacks have come back...and because they started after his ex had left he is equating them to being because of her again when he had been better when his work load was less. So I guess I am asking is it possible if he is still having the panic attacks that he isn't over her, and that I should take a step back from the relationship before I get hurt? or is it possible its just from the stress of work again (which is seems more so to me) and he just relates it to her somehow and that I should just try to be as supportive as I can for him at the moment? I have tried encouraging him to take his anxiety meds, or see a therapist...but he says he doesn't like to take his meds because they drug him up and he feels in lala land and he says with being a butcher and cutting meat he cant afford to be in lala land and loose a finger, and he doesn't want to see a therapist because he feels it is embarrassing to have such problems. thanks for reading! sorry its so long! PS. Just to clarify my child is not his child. 1
Treasa Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I'm an expert at panic attacks. I used to have about three a week, totally out of the blue, and often without provocation. This lasted for a few years, but I haven't had one in two years now, although a couple of times I came close. For your own peace of mind, I think you should back out and let him work through this, if he's even willing to. The fact that he'd find it "embarrassing" to see a psychologist speaks quite a lot to the fact that getting better isn't his priority. I have no idea if he's over his ex. I don't think I would date someone so soon after a divorce, though. I can tell you that the mere THOUGHT of having a panic attack is very likely to bring on a panic attack. When I learned that they are one of the most horrible things ever, but something I could get through, and when I was forced to face the situations I was scared of being in, they lost their power over me. The panic attacks, I mean. Now if I even start to feel anxious, I tell it to shut up and **** off. Now, mind you, it took A LOT of work, and both medication and therapy, to help me get to the point where I could make myself better. I cared enough to invest in that. It doesn't sound like he's at that point. He may never be. You need to take care of you. 1
Forever Learning Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 (edited) You need to take care of you. I second this advice. I was a co-dependant caretaker for a long time, and it's no way to live life. If he won't go get help, that's his problem, and it sounds like he isn't willing to put forth the effort to explore solutions. Focus on you and how you feel about spending future time with him. By the way, I have taken the anti-depressants Celexa and Prozac, and they both seemed to help me with anxiety, although I never had panic attacks per se in recent years - but some medications are helpful with alleviating panic attacks and won't make you 'drugged'. Prozac didn't make me feel 'drugged', and it did relieve anxiety. Also, lack of magnesium in the diet can add to anxiety and panic. See that he takes a magnesium supplement, Omega 3/6/9 blend, Vitamin D, fresh vegetables, almonds and almond milk (L-Thiamine, very very useful for panic and anxiety - google it. You can get it in supplement form too). Cheers! Edited May 14, 2013 by Forever Learning
FitChick Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Don't date men until at least two years after their divorce is final. Even men without panic attacks! 1
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