mmiller5373 Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Going to try to make this as short as possible. I'm a 27 year old male and my ex-girlfriend is also 27. We were together about a year and half. We met through my mother about 2 years ago. Of course, as every beginning of a relationship is, everything was perfect the first few months. It was a long distance relationship because we lived 4 hours apart... but I had ended up moving 2 hours closer to her after getting a promotion at work and transferring to another facility. We had a lot in common. Same hobbies, same goals, and our backgrounds were pretty similar too. My family loved her and her family love me as well. But I made two very stupid mistakes. On two separate occasions I lied to her about hanging out at bars with some friends. My ex wasn't a fan of drinking. She was a very strong Christian so she didn't agree with me drinking alcohol, even though I enjoyed drinking every so often (1-2 times a month). My ex found out that I lied to her and I think that is when things got sour. She stopped trusting me and became a jealous girlfriend, always questioning where I was, who I was with, and whether I was drinking. The lack of trust annoyed the hell out of me. There were times when I didn't even want to talk to her because I was tired of being questioned all the time. But I know it's my fault because I broke the trust. As the relationship went on, I sensed that she wanted me to be somebody I'm not. Yes, I'm a Christian, but she wanted a spiritual leader... and I'm not that kind of person. She was a virgin when she met me, but we had sex several months ago and that is something that we continued doing until the breakup. I also feel that she resents me because of the sex. Things haven't been that great for months, but I think we both continued this relationship because we did truly care for one another. The romance stopped. Both of us became use to the routine of seeing each other on the weekends. I started to get really busy at work and she became busy at school. Our personal life stresses got the best of us and the excitement of the relationship declined. Both of us talked about marriage and kids, because we could see ourselves together in the future. Some differences that we both had: - She was very involved in church, I wasn't. - She didn't like drinking, I did. - She wanted to wait for marriage for sex, I didn't. - She was a social butterfly, I'm more of an introvert. - She was always wanting to go out, I was wanting to stay in. Last weekend, we got into a fight and I asked her if we could take a break for about a week to think about things. No contact for a week. She graduated from college on Saturday and when I attended the ceremony with her family, things just didn't seem right. So later that night, we both talked and we agreed this relationship needed to end. We both cried, hugged each other, and told each other we love one another, but we knew this relationship was over. I was fine, but yesterday I started feeling depressed and anxious. I started worrying about the future thinking, what if she is the one and I let her go? What if she finds someone else? What am I going to do with my life? We unfriended our mutual friends and each other on Facebook. We both feel we should remain no contact for a very long time. I would love to hear comments from people and I will do my best to post in this thread when I'm feeling down or feeling like contacting her. Thanks!
Chief Wiggum Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I was in a similar situation. I split up with my ex (of 4 years) around this time last year. Kind of in similar circumstances to yours, where we mutually agreed to end it. And yes, it was painful. This person who'd been a constant part of your life, suddenly being vanished. You feel so empty and your life suddenly becomes meaningless. You can't eat properly, concentrate at work, or go out the house. Nothing is worth it any more, you feel. But, pain is temporary. It really is. I, personally, found solace in the fact that it was the correct decision to end it there and then, instead of 5 years down the line when we would have been married and had kids (God, what a nightmare that would have been!). I think you should do that, too. You both had different wants and needs, and so it's better to give yourselves the opportunity to get them with someone else. You may not see that right now, but once you remove yourself emotionally and think logically, you'll eventually be glad that you did what you did. It sounds crazy now, but you'll be thankful of not still being in that dying relationship. You will have freed yourself from a massive burden.
Author mmiller5373 Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 Yeah. I don't know why I am letting this bother me so much. Deep down inside, this is what I wanted, right? I wasn't happy with her. I couldn't have been happy if I started gaining weight, lost interest in things, and stopped having those butterflies In my stomach. Yet, I still feel love for her and miss her very much. I hate breakups.
OzHeartache Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 It sounds like you had a LOT of differences The right girl will be into the same things as you I also understand being scared of the future (the unknown) though but I think and hope that will get better with time
aisuru Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 It sounds like the few differences you had were major. It's much much better to realize that now, instead of when you're married, with a house, children, etc. It hurts, it sucks. Especially because you both probably do care for each other. You just have different priorities in life. And that's okay. Take care of you right now. Think about what you can learn from this relationship and take with you to the next one. It will help make the next relationship that much better. I promise.
Author mmiller5373 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 So she sent my mother a private message through Facebook thanking her for the hospitality over the last year and a half. If it wasn't for my mother, we wouldn't have ever met. She told my mother that we made some big mistakes in this relationship by sinning and because of that, the relationship was dead and we could not continue it. My mother felt like the ex was blaming the failure of the relationship on me. My mother is also very happy that we are no longer together, which is kind off odd, because she initially tried to get us together. I'm missing the ex more and more each day.
Recommended Posts