ech Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I have been married for almost 1 year, we dated for 1 year prior. But I have known him as a friends for years. Anyways, we have 2 kids in the house, all boys. 1 is mine and 1 is his. Our boys are both 12. So i have been feeling like my son needs some more of my attention, so I have been giving it to him, my husband seems to have a huge problem with that. I went into my sons room last night for about 5 min and my hs came up and said we need to talk. He went into how I "lied" to him about what I was doing, I told him i was gonna take a bath and instead went up to my sons room. It was ridiculous. I told him i was an adult and will do what I want. He said "you will not do what you want". He keeps saying I wouldnt like it of he did it. I wouldnt care! He says he just wants to be with me all the time, and we can do things as a family. But I still feel my son needs one on one sometimes. My husband treats me like I am dumb, he will always ask my opinion, but do what he wants or the oposite. I cannot go anywhere by myself unless its with family, and even then he calls 100 times if I dont pick up. I have never cheated or anything, I do not understand his thinking.
amaysngrace Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Yuck. He sounds like an insecure control freak. Poor you. Confront him if you want to see what he's made of. Next time he asks your opinion tell him kindly that it doesn't matter since he doesn't seem to value it anyway. It may wake him up and he will apologize. If he gets mad at you then either see a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer. Control freaks are too hard to live with and aren't worth the effort unless you enjoy being the little misses which it doesn't sound like you currently enjoy. 1
TaraMaiden Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I think he has a mental condition and is excessively controlling. Nobody "normal" acts in this way.... Speak to your doctor and do some research. If this gets extreme to the point of inhibiting your life, you need to make contingency plans to get you - and your son - away from this situation as far and as much as you can. 1
Emilia Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Judging by your previous posts he was the same when he was your boyfriend. What did you think was going to change? Him? 1
TaraMaiden Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Shucks, I never checked your history... What the heck were you thinking in marrying him, if he was like this before? Were you coerced into marrying him, by him??
BetheButterfly Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I have been married for almost 1 year, we dated for 1 year prior. But I have known him as a friends for years. Anyways, we have 2 kids in the house, all boys. 1 is mine and 1 is his. Our boys are both 12. So i have been feeling like my son needs some more of my attention, so I have been giving it to him, my husband seems to have a huge problem with that. I went into my sons room last night for about 5 min and my hs came up and said we need to talk. He went into how I "lied" to him about what I was doing, I told him i was gonna take a bath and instead went up to my sons room. It was ridiculous. I told him i was an adult and will do what I want. He said "you will not do what you want". He keeps saying I wouldnt like it of he did it. I wouldnt care! He says he just wants to be with me all the time, and we can do things as a family. But I still feel my son needs one on one sometimes. My husband treats me like I am dumb, he will always ask my opinion, but do what he wants or the oposite. I cannot go anywhere by myself unless its with family, and even then he calls 100 times if I dont pick up. I have never cheated or anything, I do not understand his thinking. I am sorry. First of all, were you planning on taking a bath? I think it's important to tell the truth. Of course you are an adult, but it is important to tell the truth and if you change your mind as to what you're going to do, it's perfectly fine to do that too and to say so. Sometimes I tell my husband that I will do something but then I change my mind and do something else. I let him know though... it helps with communication to inform your loved one that you decided to do something else. As for your son, do you have a nightly bedtime tuck-in routine? Nightly bedtime tuck-ins are very important I think. My parents read my sisters and me bedtime stories or a chapter a day in books, we sang songs, or my Dad made up bedtime stories with our help, for "Bedtime." While 12 years old is a bit big for being tucked in, I think you should talk to your husband about the importance of having a little bit of time for you and your son to talk about the day. Maybe you can get a book your son like and read him a chapter every evening too. There's something precious about being read to... when I was around 12 years old, my parents read the Laura Ingalls Wilder series to my sisters and me... one chapter every night. We all looked forward to it! So, I would suggest telling your husband that you would like to talk to your son about his day and maybe read a chapter of a good book to him every evening, in order to spend quality time with him. Children do need quality time with their parents. 1
Author ech Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 yeah, the history was pretty bad, but he was never this bad when we were dating. He got alot better for awhile there and yes I do expect him to change if he wants things to work. I did tell him I couldnt do this anymore, he is going insane and he told me to stop being a smartass. I just dont get why he thinks a couple needs to tell eachother EVERY step they make. Yes- i do have a routine with my son everynight, but I like to spend extra time with him. My hs says its rude to do that when his son is here (we get him every other week). Well his son annoys and treats me awful, so sometimes I WOULD rather leave the room. 1
BetheButterfly Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I think he has a mental condition and is excessively controlling. Nobody "normal" acts in this way.... Speak to your doctor and do some research. If this gets extreme to the point of inhibiting your life, you need to make contingency plans to get you - and your son - away from this situation as far and as much as you can. 100% agreed with this. Your son needs you. If this guy is not supportive of you spending time with your son, you need to leave.
BetheButterfly Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 yeah, the history was pretty bad, but he was never this bad when we were dating. He got alot better for awhile there and yes I do expect him to change if he wants things to work. I did tell him I couldnt do this anymore, he is going insane and he told me to stop being a smartass. I just dont get why he thinks a couple needs to tell eachother EVERY step they make. Yes- i do have a routine with my son everynight, but I like to spend extra time with him. My hs says its rude to do that when his son is here (we get him every other week). Well his son annoys and treats me awful, so sometimes I WOULD rather leave the room. That's great you have a routine with your son. I really wish your husband's son accepted you. I don't see how it's rude for you to spend time with your son. A couple should be a team, but it does sound like he's a control freak and does not have a team mentality. I agree with Tara. He needs counseling and he also needs to teach his son to respect you and treat you with kindness.
annaballerina Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 your husband is carbon copy of mine except hed be fine if i spent one on one time with my daughters. no he has to know where i am every moment and when i want time on my own hes always calling. i know he doesnt trust me and i get that because weve had huge marital problems but it is smothering. i did what you did told him i can think for myself and dont need him dictating to me what i should be doing. im fine with discussing things but hes very controlling and im very tired of it. i dont want to hurt him but i cant live like this.
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