Vinny85 Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 (edited) Hello guys, I am not going to bore you with my complete story. Fact is that me and my ex had something special going for a year, then dated for 2,5 years and I got dumped 7 months ago. Last 2 months of our RS she behaved VERY unrespectfull to me (I had my part in it to, getting jealous and clingy), then she at first seemed to break my heart in a very clean way, but actually stepped on it, crushed it etc a week later in a VERY unrespectfull way again (will spare you the details for now). I freaked out and we went in 1,5 month of chaos, real chaos (again ask for details if needed). At that point I can say I was still sad etc, but the feelings were gone and I was also meeting other women. I took responsibility for my behavior, appologized for the things I did wrong and gave our (somehow still strong) friendship a chance. A few months a 'strange' situation occured. She was actually chasing me daily (just not in a romantic way), even called me in tears affraid of losing me. Chasing however sounds so negative. The thing is we both had a great few months together as platonic friends, and she really did a LOT of initiating. Then all of a sudden, it started to feel very weird being friends with her. I thought about it for about 2 weeks and decide to call it quits before real drama started. For her this came out of the blue, and also because I did not really know why it started to feel weird, I could not really explain and said some ambiguous things. I asked her not to contact me anymore. So, when I had the time for myself to figure things out I realized the main problem for me was being friends with someone that hurt me so much, but never took responsibility for her actions like I did. Some years ago I have been in a really bad fight with one of my best friends. Thing is, we both took responsibility and things are ok again. I see my ex as a special friend aswell, so I can handle her having hurt me, BUT it was 'not right' that she was not taking responsibility for it, like I did. It is hard to trust someone with your feelings in that case. Do not get me wrong, it is completely up to her if she wants to and when she wants to take responsibility, I can not and will not force this. However, at that moment it just did not feel right to get along like we did, while she did not yet take responsibility for her actions and behavior. So, since there was no way she would be doing this soon, I figured I had to deal with this anyway. So after I while (about 6 weeks) I noticed I left it behind and could accept the fact that she was not going to take responsibility and apologize for her part in things. Also I decided I really valued the bond we shard too much to kick her out of my life for such a thing, and I restored contact. We are not only in contact, but even had a great meet in person again and another one on the agenda. But here it comes: Today, after I texted her I 'out of the blue' received the response: "so are you really over it now?" Hinting at my feelings for her. So I told her I was surprised by this response and that it showed that she probably did not understand why I broke things off. She said: "I think I do understand, but it confuses me that you restart contact again. I rather call you about this tonight or tomorrow when I have time, I have some questions" So of course I don't know WHAT questions, but I feel a little uncomfortable with this. The reason that I got back in contact was because I left things behind and wanted to look forward and that is what I want to keep doing. Yet, if she has questions that are important for her, I want to be open to her and give her the chance for this. Afterall, maybe this is the moment I have been waiting for, her wanting to talk and take responsibility. However, I feel that when I have to explain what happened I automatically have to 'blame' her for things. I mean, that is what bothered me, how she treated me disrespectfull and did not take responsibility. Yet I don't want to rip things open again and I also do not want to play the blame game. If her only question is: "why are you in contact again?" it may be simple to answer: "I had some time to deal with things and want to look forward". Yet I have this feeling that that will not be all she is going to ask. I am a little confused about how to handle it when she calls. If I am going to be truly open to her I will have to point out a lot of things that where bothering me at the moment I broke it off, while at this moment I feel I am over it and left it behind. I hope I was able to make clear what my problem is and what makes me feel uncomfortable. I could use some advice on how to handle this conversation, even though it's not really clear what she is going to ask exactly. thanks, Vinny Edited May 14, 2013 by Vinny85
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