When does the hope go away?

[delayedreaction]

We have been broken up for three days now and I can't help but hope that he will contact me. I sent my last message to him Saturday morning, after I got the message through fb that he didn't want to be with me anymore. He never responded to it.

 

I made the decision to go NC and all Saturday and Sunday I just stayed in bed crying and sleeping. Today though I woke up, got myself out of bed, showered and started doing things that I have to do. I was doing okay until tonight.

 

Our relationship actually wasn't healthy at all. He lied, broke up with me constantly giving me cruel reasons as to why he couldn't be with me. He'd immediately start spending time with his ex or other girls he had started communicating with right before the break up. He would start texting me telling me he loved me and missed me. All the stuff you want to hear and I'd let him back into my life. Once we spent a night apart and texted throughout it and the next day stopped talking to me and hanging out with another girl. During one of our get back together talks he actually told me that he thought we were broken up and that's why he did what he did. I was resentful and angry or sad and depressed all the time. I couldn't trust him and that made him mad. I couldn't express my feelings to him because he'd either get mad or completely ignore me.

 

Even though I know that this is for the best I still have that hope that the same thing will happen and he'll contact me. I guess it's because I just don't feel strong enough to feel so much pain. We were together for three years on and off, the longest us being apart being a week. We spent nearly every moment together, fell asleep wrapped around each other every night and as much as I want to move on and find something healthy even if it's just me with myself, I also want to go back so I don't have to feel this way.

 

When does that hope finally die?

Edited May 14, 2013 by delayedreaction

[SimonSerenade]

I'm really sorry your going through this, I'm right here with you, seems to be the exact same problems underneath, I don't know when the hope fades away, I would say when you fully accept its over and you stop expecting that one day he will call you out of the blue and tell you all the things your heart is so desperate to hear, unfortunately people in this position very rarely get that, it's cruel I know but that's how it is, at the moment your heart and your mind are in conflict and only when you come to the decision of what you want will you gèt to the point your hope disappears, I'm still fighting my heart with my head and its going to take some serious time for them to meet in the middle but it does happen, my advice, do your best not to think about it and preoccupy yourself when you start those thoughts up again, in this situation building up a strong mindset and steering clear of your ex for a while will be your savour.

[Am4Real]

As long as you are thinking of it these terms, it might not go away for sometime.

 

Try to think you are in control and since you already implemented NC, you have taken the first step in not giving life to "hope" but rather bringing about DEATH to "hope".

 

 

We have been broken up for three days now and I can't help but hope that he will contact me. I sent my last message to him Saturday morning, after I got the message through fb that he didn't want to be with me anymore. He never responded to it.

 

I made the decision to go NC and all Saturday and Sunday I just stayed in bed crying and sleeping. Today though I woke up, got myself out of bed, showered and started doing things that I have to do. I was doing okay until tonight.

 

Our relationship actually wasn't healthy at all. He lied, broke up with me constantly giving me cruel reasons as to why he couldn't be with me. He'd immediately start spending time with his ex or other girls he had started communicating with right before the break up. He would start texting me telling me he loved me and missed me. All the stuff you want to hear and I'd let him back into my life. Once we spent a night apart and texted throughout it and the next day stopped talking to me and hanging out with another girl. During one of our get back together talks he actually told me that he thought we were broken up and that's why he did what he did. I was resentful and angry or sad and depressed all the time. I couldn't trust him and that made him mad. I couldn't express my feelings to him because he'd either get mad or completely ignore me.

 

Even though I know that this is for the best I still have that hope that the same thing will happen and he'll contact me. I guess it's because I just don't feel strong enough to feel so much pain. We were together for three years on and off, the longest us being apart being a week. We spent nearly every moment together, fell asleep wrapped around each other every night and as much as I want to move on and find something healthy even if it's just me with myself, I also want to go back so I don't have to feel this way.

 

When does that hope finally die?

[aisuru]

 

When does that hope finally die?

 

When you accept it's over.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting right now. The only person you should concern yourself with right now is YOU. Everything else is noise and distracting you from the person who really matters right now.

 

Delete all his info, put all the reminders away, and move on. Write a list of what you'll do to keep yourself busy and distract yourself from thoughts of him.

[delayedreaction]

I know us not contacting each other is for the best. I guess I almost feel as though it would be easier to continue to not talk to him if he contacted me. I know that probably doesn't make any sense but in the past it has helped to reduce my anxiety and feel less like I was nothing to him. Even though his reason's for contacting me most likely have nothing to do with how he feels about me. I know he has a hard time being alone.

 

I really am trying to push these thoughts from my head. It was working for most of the day and considering how I was for the past two, I've definitely made progress. What makes it so much harder is we live in such a small town. I live two blocks away from where he works and thanks to a loud exhaust I can hear his car whenever it's near. I could be not thinking about him for a moment and then like today, he drove past my house twice and I immediately felt anxious, my heart beating harder than ever.

 

I have such conflicting feelings about it all. I feel like the only reason I even feel this horrible is because it was three years of the same routine pretty much. It made me unhappy but I had become used to feeling that way. We spent so much time together and now I have to find a new way to pass the time and I don't know how. I don't really have anything to fill the void at the moment. Our relationship was so messed up I just don't know up from down right now. I don't know if it's love or I was comfortable or both.

[aisuru]

You got comfortable. I understand.

 

Time to rekindle a former hobby or find a new one.

 

Believe me, I understand.

 

Time to fill the void.

[delayedreaction]

Don't get me wrong though. At one point I did truly love him. One of the biggest reason's why I think I even got there is because I could completely be myself around him. Although for half of the relationship I felt I could be anything but. I guess I also worry that I'll never find someone that I can feel that way around again. It took me so long to find that and I'm so scared to not have it again.

[aisuru]

Here is the thing.... The tough reality...

 

Each relationship gets better. Because of what you learn in the previous one.

 

It's true. Unless you Learn nothing. In which case, you just get into the same relationship... Until you learn what you need to learn for the next relationship...

 

Rinse, repeat.