Just want to hold a girl's hand

[nickkelly9]

I made a reply to a thread but this is my first thread of my own here. I just joined.

 

The reason I joined is frustration. And confusion. And desperation. And depression.

 

I'm 27. I have never had a girlfriend. Kissed a girl. Held a girl's hand. Oh, how I have dreamt of holding a girl's hand. Since the second grade.

 

I'm 6'0. I used to weigh 120 lbs, I was all bone. After being told by a girl I fell in love with that she couldn't be with me because "touching me would be like touching a skeleton", I decided I had to do something.

 

I've lifted weights for 2 years and eaten a ton. I'm 170 now and just under "average build" for my height. I want to put on another 20 lbs of mostly muscle. My problem is it takes a TON of calories for me to gain because of my extreme metabolism. But I will make a go of it as soon as I can afford it.

 

I've cut my hair. I've changed my glasses. I've tried contacts and they hurt so bad I couldn't do it, but I'm considering doing a second shot. When I can afford it, I'll get Lasik.

 

I've read all the books. Watched hours of videos on seduction and pick up. And I have really put myself out there. I have been rejected over and over without fail.

 

I have a serious flaw. Between the ages of 12-15, my family was dirt poor. We went absolutely broke. I was in braces, but could no longer see the dentist. We could not get help from anybody, I don't know why. I became removed from society and life, just drifting aimlesly, depressed, and not caring.

 

I let myself go and as a result my teeth were damaged. I know I can get them fix, but it will be very expensive and it may be some months yet before I can afford it. I see a light at the end of the tunnel on this, I just don't know how much it will cost or how long it will take to fix.

 

So I know that holds me back, I don't have a pretty smile. But honestly, I really can't call myself a bad looking guy. I know I'm not gorgeous, I know I'm not some beautiful man, but I'm not a hideous freak. I sure feel like it sometimes.

 

The reason I'm on here and posting this is because I'm getting scared. Like some of these others, I'm getting nervous that maybe there is just some intangible flaw that women pick up subconsciously that makes me un-date-able.

 

I say this because I've become good at approaching strangers. I can strike up conversations. I can get names and have even gotten some numbers. But the girls never answer. Or they never call. It's worse than when I was too scared to talk to girls, or too unattractive to even get that eye contact or smile. At least then I knew I had no shot.

 

Now I'll meet someone, start a conversation, it'll go well, we'll laugh, get to know each other, exchange info. I'll feel great. And then nothing. I really amped up my approach at the turn of the new year when I finally tried a new hair style. And I cannot tell you how many women have taken notice of me, talked to me, given me their info, and then ignored me from that point on. Just disappeared and ignored me.

 

I have worked really hard to improve my looks, my approach, my confidence. I'm a smart, funny guy. I'm a writer. I know how to talk to people, for the most part I guess I should say. I can't get a woman to go out with me. I can't get a woman to WANT me.

 

I've been rejected and shot down in some very cruel ways. I've been hurt and devastated and just broken down. But this is frustrating me in a new way. Because while I still have a major flaw, I have really listened and worked on myself.

 

Improved posture. Establishing real confidence. New clothes. 50lbs, mostly muscle. New hair. I have tons of friends. I'm great at my job. I can lead men. I'm smart. I'm funny.

 

So WTF!? Lol.

 

In my reply to the other thread, I said the women on here need to stop telling frustrated guys to lower their standards and not be superficial because women don't care about looks.

 

To be honest, at this point, the only thing I feel women don't care about is me.

 

So what is it? I promise you, my smile sucks and my teeth need work, but they are not THAT bad. It's not a horror movie. And other than that, the only thing I can think is there is just something stamped on my forehead that says "Reject Me".

 

I'm just scared at this point that in the next 2 months I'm going to get closer to my dream 185-190lb range and get my teeth fixed. And still be alone.

 

And that 20 years from now I'll still be scouring the web, wondering what I can fix next so that I can maybe, somehow, some way get to to hold a girl's hand.

[Ed the 3rd]

Well first off its nice to see that you are taking a route of self improvement that's the way to go and while you may look the part in terms of muscle and clothing its important to be confident. While you may think you are displaying a confident demeanor chances are in reality you are not or you are forcing it to the point where women can see through it (woman are good at that). Some times its best to be yourself and your confident side will shine through.

 

You say you get numbers so the best thing to do is shoot em a text (calling is taboo for some retarded reason) and sometimes its best to let your intentions be clear and take a direct approach. Slow and steady doesn't always win the race.

[nickkelly9]

Only one reply so far, hopefully more to come.

 

But I will say that I do shoot txts. Of the #s I've gotten, I've txted them all, and I've been ignored, gotten some pretty uninspired responses that made me feel like they didn't want to talk to me, and rejected after the fact being told they have a bf or something along those lines.

 

It's torturous because I get a number and I feel really good like I've taken a step and then I find out I haven't. I just somehow got someone to make a decision they immediately regretted.

[Ed the 3rd]

In that case I'm not sure what your doing wrong. You get girls number's and then all interest just stops there? There has to be another reason. On the subject of reply's perhaps a TLDR version at the top?

[nickkelly9]

Probably is too long. I think tomorrow after a good night's sleep and a lot of thought I'll make another post that maybe better explains things but is much shorter.

 

I am honestly confused and the thing that sucks is because of my past failings, I have all these insecurities that keep cropping up.

 

Since the turn of the new year, I resolved to approach women whenever I felt the need, and at least no longer be that guy that sees a girl he likes, does nothing, and regrets it the rest of the day, i.e. seemingly most guys.

 

Now I started out with mostly failure, but like I said, lately I have gotten more numbers than rejections flat out. I am no longer scared at all of making an approach on a stranger, I mean it comes easy to me and I feel like generally things go well.

 

I get laughs, they tell me things about them, I let them know a little about me, names, general areas we live, etc. I go for a # at the end and lately I've gotten it.

 

But for whatever reason, yes, after that, the interest dries up. And so while I'm on cloud 9 for a while, soon my mind starts churning as I wonder how guys turn numbers into flirty texts/sexy pics/dates/and actual hook ups.

 

A burgeoning trend is for my friends to see me "pick up" a girl and get her #, then ask later on what's going on and I get to say "Ah, she never replied" haha.

[Ed the 3rd]

What a shame. Like I said though your confidence is amazing and you should be proud of that. The only advice I can give really is to keep trying and you'll get results. You may also want to try a more direct approach? At least you won't have to go through the trouble of getting numbers and wasting texts if they aren't intrested.

Edited May 16, 2013 by Ed the 3rd

[nickkelly9]

I have to do something different, and your advice sounds right to me. I think I have to waste a little less time with conversation and actually just go in for the kill when I see a chance.

 

It's a horrifying prospect haha, to meet a woman, speak to her for 5 minutes, and then say let's go out, but I'm thinking maybe the longer I speak to them without clearly stating I want to take them out on a date must ease me into the friend zone or something. Or perhaps what it does is give them too much to remember- by that I mean, they can't say in their head later that night or the next morning in the shower "I wonder if that guy who asked me out with text?" it's nothing because I didn't leave any suspense.

 

Hmm...well, I'll have to change some things to test for interest a lot quicker. Probably will mean a lot more rejection and much fewer numbers, but the numbers I get might actually lead somewhere.