serial muse Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 The guy did hold my interest at the museum and I greatly enjoyed our conversation -- I just don't like "wasting time" by spending four hours on a task that should take less than two. In theory I would have foregone watching the sporting event' date=' but in practice, well, I'll have to work on that for next time...[/quote'] Hm, but classifying time spent getting to know someone as a "task" suggests you didn't enjoy it all that much. You do sound self-aware but I wonder about how adept you are at empathy, honestly. I doubt your date would want to feel that spending an extra hour or two in his company would be "wasting time", or that the point of the date was to speed through the exhibits "expeditiously" rather than to actually hang out together. You don't seem to spend much energy on thinking about how your actions and words might make another person feel, is what I'm saying. That's fine when you spend most of your time alone, but dipping your toe into dating waters is another matter. I'm not qualified to diagnose what's going on there, but I do think it's worth pondering - it sounds to me like you did alienate him, clearly without intending to, but nevertheless. I wouldn't be surprised if you had said something that to you seemed innocuous but to him sent the clear message "I'm not interested". If it had been me, I certainly would have assumed you weren't. I love museums, but going there on one's own is just not going to be the same experience as going there on a date, and I would have expected interaction and dawdling and getting to know one another, not just reading the placards. 1
ChessPieceFace Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 I'm glad that you mentioned this -- I'm actually looking more for a "mind mate" than for a "soul mate." One of the things I like about this guy is that he's an intellectual too -- we only talk about books and other "academic" topics. Again, I would question both the sincerity of this idea, and the idea itself. If all you care about is intellectual discourse, why does it have to be a guy? I think you might be in denial about your own desires; for whatever reason (self-esteem, trauma...) you've closed off access to your own emotions, and to connecting with others beyond dispassionate, logical means. Thus your choice of nickname here and all the other idiosyncrasies you mentioned. Again, while I certainly share and understand the desire for intellectualism, there's more to life than that. We're not androids or vulcans, we're humans. A full life includes passion and emotion. 1
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