Treasa Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I would say be patient and start filling your life with things to do. When I'm busy enough, I don't even notice if someone's contacted me or not. However, if he acts considerately toward you, definitely consider ending things.
venusianx13 Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 (edited) Brunettie, I remember your past posts about your bf... all things considered, I understand your unease about this lack of communication. (check out her previous threads, folks). There is a history of dishonesty here, and it sounds as if trust has already been broken. I feel qualified to say this, because I foolishly remained in a relationship where trust had already been broken multiple times. When he went off for internship in China for 3 months, prior to parting, he said all of the right things: "I'll miss you so much, I'll keep in touch, we'll skype at least every other day, etc." After a lovely goodbye rendezvous, he did not keep to ANY of his words. It did not end there, however, though it should have. I own my weakness. I stayed when I should have walked. I'm not writing this to cast doubt in you or to be negative, but I remember being where you are: in a constant state of anxiety. If a man loves you, truly, you will never feel the way you are feeling now. You will never need to question his love for you. I truly hope you allow for yourself, in this time of minimal contact with your bf, to consider how you may very well be wasting your best years on someone who does not deserve you. When I look back at 6 wasted years, the best years I should have had in my 20's, and realize how big a mistake it was to hang on to someone like my ex, I feel so much resentment (toward myself! This was MY mistake.) The relationship I found after my last ended is so VASTLY different. He is transparent with me, would never leave me hanging for days, let alone hours... I trust him, 100%. Thank goodness I didn't pass him up because he wasn't "my type" (and before now, my supposed type consisted of bad-boy types who had very, very bad character flaws and treated me like garbage). There's my advice. Take it or leave it. No matter what, though, don't let yourself live in a perpetual state of anxiety over this guy. Above all, I urge this. Continue living your life, having fun, and being happy, whether or not he picks up the phone to call you while he is away. Be good to yourself; love yourself. Edited May 14, 2013 by venusianx13 2
snowflakes88 Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Is this the same boyfriend who had a dating profile up? The one who said he doesn't think about you or miss you when you're not together? If so, that explains it....
Author Brunettie Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 Is this the same boyfriend who had a dating profile up? The one who said he doesn't think about you or miss you when you're not together? If so, that explains it.... A lot has changed since then... For the better.
hppr Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I have noticed a pattern though. In the beginning, a guy will text a girl like nonstop, everyday. then it dwindles. I guess that's normal though because after awhile, you run out of new things to say. It's a Mars vs Venus thing, guys only call when they have something to say, women call to hear the "sound of your voice".
venusianx13 Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 To simply answer your question, in a nutshell: Some guys are really good at compartmentalizing. All it means is that when they are preoccupied, they won't give anything else much thought (until later, when they are no longer occupied). 1
happydate Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 (edited) I think I need to clarify... He is away on a military thing for 2 weeks. It does not involve guns, tanks, explosions...nothing.. They're basically working on/fixing things. When we first began dating, as in...the week after, he had to go on this 2 week thing then as well. It was in my city that time, so he came over everyday after he got done for the first week. The 2nd week I was out of town, so I didn't see him then, however he texted me throughout the day, everyday. What he's doing this year is different than what he was doing last year. Longer days, different work. So that might influence it. I'm not saying he doesn't get back to me quickly enough. I don't care when he talks to me because I know he's busy. If I send him a text, I'm not expecting an immediate reply. He did text me a little last night when he got out of a meeting and then went to sleep. I have noticed a pattern though. In the beginning, a guy will text a girl like nonstop, everyday. then it dwindles. I guess that's normal though because after awhile, you run out of new things to say. Guys, in general, do not do girly chat on the phone or go on girls night out either. They don't do gossiping and talking for hours on the phone either. Maybe in the beginning, but eventually will bore us. Guys that do that are usually labelled "Nice Guys" and usually are friend zoned and usually never get sex! A lot of dating materials published by guys usually advise Nice Guys to talk less. The less they talk, the more challenge they create and the more desirable and mysterious they are. This raises the woman's interest level. This works really well with highly confident and high self-esteem women. It makes sense as those women in general want to date men; not girly men. So it begs to question. Do you have any or lots of real and very close female friends on the side that you can talk to on the phone while he's away on training or a mission? Some women I observed have close female friends and yet they decide NOT to socialize with them much. Rather, they would then socialize with men, especially her exes or her friendzoned male friends and gays and few women or no one at all but on the net. For the longest time, I couldn't figure this one out, but there is a trend to this. Later, a few ladies from the support group I went to heal my broken heart that I met from the meetup group explained to me why. These women used to and probably still have female friends, but after a few unpromising dates, these friends provide the authentic positive constructive criticism that good friends provide on her underlying character that might be improved. These women don't want to accept them and felt that they were being unfairly criticized. So they marginalized these friends and made them associate friends while befriending only friends that would only say nice good things to them. Of course, you can only converse in conversations about good things for only so long, which is really not all that much and NOT VERY authentic. Therefore, these women expect their boyfriends to fill in the shoes of their missing girlfriends. The sad part is that, these guys are being suffocated because they can not express authentically what they felt is unjustly treatment. So they keep their mouth shut. You felt betrayed and suspect maybe he's cheating. If he expressed authentically with an honest opinion, then not only he's not getting your vagina, he will get dumped or you will dump him. This had been the experiences I had been in the past. I know and date women now who don't need me to talk to them like a parrot all day long and if they miss me, they have their female friends to talk on for hours. Perfect arrangement and it should be normal this way? All my friends have happy loving wives who chat with their female friends, on nature walks and on meetings and on girls night out. Is this not normal? Edited May 15, 2013 by happydate
Author Brunettie Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 I have female friends. I talk to them all the time. Daily. I'm not saying I want him to talk to me for hours a day, I'm just saying a little bit a day. Which, he is doing. We send a few texts back and forth before he goes to sleep at night. It's just not what I'm used to I guess. But I know he's busy.
jcrew11 Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 most military bases have strict schedules - did you ask him how much free time he gets to make phone calls, computer-time, etc. I don't think he has much free time to make personal calls.
Author Brunettie Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 he's not on a base, but ok. And I did ask before we left if we'd still be able to talk and he said yes.
Infnitysign Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Hmmm maybe you're just feeling down that he's going out and having fun and your stuck doing your own thing. It's natural to feel this way and maybe you just need to take some time and do something for yourself. Guys don't have bad communication skills, it's just the saying "You only want what you can't have". He'll call you back soon enough don't bite his head off just for a missed call.
happydate Posted May 16, 2013 Posted May 16, 2013 I have female friends. I talk to them all the time. Daily. I'm not saying I want him to talk to me for hours a day, I'm just saying a little bit a day. Which, he is doing. We send a few texts back and forth before he goes to sleep at night. It's just not what I'm used to I guess. But I know he's busy. You are both grown adults, so you need to respect his privacy and space and so will him. Otherwise, you will suffocate him. If he misses you, he will contact you and smoother you with txt and calls. All you have to do is simple. Always think of him at night when you sleep with good thoughts and the lord will do the rest. It's as simple as that.
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