Lycia Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 (edited) Hi all. This is my first post on here, I've been a lurker for some time now, found this place by asking google random questions about stuff I had on my mind:) Here's what's been on my mind for a couple years now: I've been playing this dating game relentlessly since I graduated from the Uni(no proper relationship for four years now) and I've grown tired of this whole thing. I've been what you could call a dateoholic, I've been meeting countless guys at social events, nightclubs, through online dating and other things for a long time now, without anything happening most of the time. It's sometimes a fun social adventure but I need some stability now and someone I can trust for a long term relationship. My problem is pretty common. I have a lot of trouble making the guys I like and date commit to a real relationship. I am starting to get the impression than the more attractive a guy is the less likely he is to give up on casual sex with multiple partners. They have options why would they turn them down? I dont want to fall into the ridiculous pitfall of calling men pigs I know there are plenty of nice guys out there I have many male friends who make me realize guys are just like us girls they all have different goals and expectations. It could also be my own fault maybe I have a thing for players. Some part of me fantasizes about taming a womanizer and I know this is a cliché. I have trouble fighting my attraction towards bad boys and guys who get in trouble frequently and this gave me a bad history of hurtful flings. I know there are so many good guys out there but I just can't find one maybe only *******s have the balls to approach and flirt with me. I have been seeing this one guy for about a couple months. We get along just great he's a lot of fun to be with, a good conversationalist, handsome and very charismatic. But things will never become serious he won't see me more than once or twice a week and he obviously is banging some other girls on the side(he works in a nightclub every saturday night and has girls hitting on him constantly because he's really good-looking tall and athletic). He doesnt admit it clearly he avoids answering precisely, like when I ask him if he's seeing some other girls he tells me stuff like he's seeing other men not women and that he's working too hard to see me often. I have been okay with this casual dating deal for a while but now it is becoming a burden. I get very jealous and sometimes disgusted because he seems to have a taste for very young girls(HS girls) which is totally disgusting. I know he made out with a 15 yo girl last year, and has a history of banging teenage girls and it is the one thing I cant handle. But I cant help myself and I know I have feelings for this guy now. Once again I put myself in a ****ty situation. Sorry about the long post and thank you for your replies:) Edited May 14, 2013 by Lycia
ja123 Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Try joining activity groups where you can meet someone who has common interests; then take your time to get to know him before jumping into bed. Good luck!
Author Lycia Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 Try joining activity groups where you can meet someone who has common interests; then take your time to get to know him before jumping into bed. Good luck! I go to places where guys who like the same type of music as I do show up and I have a pretty decent social circle meeting new guys isnt a challenge, and I dont jump into bed easily I just tend to only be attracted to guys who are too stuck-up and won't settle.
USMCHokie Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 ...I just tend to only be attracted to guys who are too stuck-up and won't settle. You will learn to settle with settling, after you've grown old enough that the "hot guys" won't even entertain you with courtesy sex. 1
Chief Wiggum Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Here's a solution: Try going for guys that want the same thing as you? If you continue giving into your lust of trying to tame a 'player', then you're just setting yourself up repeated disappointment and wasting your time. The amount of girls that complain about not being able to meet the right guy -- when quite often the right guys have been there all along -- is mind boggling.
Emilia Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I have been okay with this casual dating deal for a while but now it is becoming a burden. I get very jealous and sometimes disgusted because he seems to have a taste for very young girls(HS girls) which is totally disgusting. I know he made out with a 15 yo girl last year, and has a history of banging teenage girls and it is the one thing I cant handle. But I cant help myself and I know I have feelings for this guy now. Once again I put myself in a ****ty situation. Sorry about the long post and thank you for your replies:) You probably won't thank me for mine. They can see that you are weak. No self-respecting woman would date a man knowingly that you described above. They have no respect for you because you pick them based on their looks rather than their character and they know it. 4
sillyanswer Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 My problem is pretty common. I have a lot of trouble making the guys I like and date commit to a real relationship. I am starting to get the impression than the more attractive a guy is the less likely he is to give up on casual sex with multiple partners. They have options why would they turn them down? Yes, that does seem to be a common facet of modern dating. (It isn't entirely restricted to men, either, but that's a different topic.) It sounds like your current guy doesn't want to be just "your guy", so start by ditching him straight away as what you want isn't what he's prepared to give you. Beyond that, I'm not sure what the best advice is. Other will have ideas.
Chief Wiggum Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 You probably won't thank me for mine. They can see that you are weak. No self-respecting woman would date a man knowingly that you described above. They have no respect for you because you pick them based on their looks rather than their character and they know it. 100% correct. Whenever I've bagged someone through my looks alone, I've always held that girl to a lower esteem than others. She'd be regarded as an easy catch and not long-term material.
ascendotum Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I'm not sure what sort of advice you are looking for exactly. You seem to be self aware of your situation and the types of guys you go for and realize they only have short term interest in you and your ability to please them. Off the top of my head: * is don't date bouncers/djs/barmen/regular clubbbers if you want to improve your prospects. * Dress more modestly so the players don't see you and think 'bullseye'. * Don't sit back and just choose from the cocky charmers. Flirt a little with guys that you like, who also seem like regular guys.
Imported Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 (edited) I don't think you're French or a girl. I think you're a self-discribed "nice guy" and fabricated a story to make tall athletic attractive guys seem like bad guys......cause your problem with women is probably not because you're too nice. If a "nice guy" were to take his usual drivil of 'girls only want bad boys' bitching and write it in a fashion of what they think a girl would sound like it'd sound just like your post OP. Except it is only this simple in the mind of a dude that is probably still a virgin. Edited May 14, 2013 by Imported 3
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I don't think you're French or a girl. I think you're a self-discribed "nice guy" and fabricated a story to make tall athletic attractive guys seem like bad guys......cause your problem with women is probably not because you're too nice. If a "nice guy" were to take his usual drivil of 'girls only want bad boys' bitching and write it in a fashion of what they think a girl would sound like it'd sound just like your post OP. Except it is only this simple in the mind of a dude that is probably still a virgin. It could go either way. The situation described is actually quite common.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 I am starting to get the impression than the more attractive a guy is the less likely he is to give up on casual sex with multiple partners. They have options why would they turn them down? Were we in a statistics class, this impression you disclose here would be deemed insignificant. of course "the more attractive a guy is, the less likely he is to give up on casual sex with multiple partners". Imagine the 40yo virgin types out there roaming through the streets and subways of life, and suddenly getting invitations left and right - of course he would probably indulge himself a bit. In reality though, the 40yo virgins are getting almost no invitations, and thus "the more attractive a guy is..." (the more opportunities he even has for multiple partners). I get the feeling that you yourself are considerably attractive, and I want to ask for details about your own father? What is your major male role model like???
USMCHokie Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 If she is very attractive that might not happen until her 50's or 60's. Then she should consider herself one of the lucky ones...
therhythm Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 100% correct. Whenever I've bagged someone through my looks alone, I've always held that girl to a lower esteem than others. She'd be regarded as an easy catch and not long-term material. Well I can say that probably I am the shallowest men in the thread and yet a woman who would come to me just for my looks is just sex material!
hppr Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 It could go either way. The situation described is actually quite common. Yeah way too common these days. I met so many late-20s girls who were desperately trying to find a 'good guy' while still maintaining relationships with trashy guys it was hilarious. I bet if I told some of the stories I have about those girls, plus other girls I've known over the years, people would think I was trolling too.
ThaWholigan Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Yeah way too common these days. I met so many late-20s girls who were desperately trying to find a 'good guy' while still maintaining relationships with trashy guys it was hilarious. I bet if I told some of the stories I have about those girls, plus other girls I've known over the years, people would think I was trolling too. I think the only people who would be surprised if we told some of these stories would be the women who post here . It is simply the demographics we are exposed to - when I tell some stories to people in real life, there are those who are so shocked that they exist.
hppr Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 I am doubting there are any women left who are dating material. There are LOTS out there it's just that in certain areas and age groups the number goes up and down. Really, the closer you get to 30 the more girls you'll meet who are still supporting deadbeat ex's, having sex with their baby daddies, super horny for hottie/trashy guys and can't help themselves, whatever. Any cliche you want I've seen em all. But I also met a few decent women who were just looking for decent men. So they are out there believe me.
Emilia Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 But I also met a few decent women who were just looking for decent men. So they are out there believe me. Not everyone sells themselves cheap
hppr Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 when I tell some stories to people in real life, there are those who are so shocked that they exist. Same, the people I know who got married early 20s and stayed married would look at me cross-eyed when I told them a crazy dating story. I don't think women are surprised by this stuff either, they just don't like it aired in public because they all know someone like that, or perhaps have been guilty of it in the past.
hppr Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Not everyone sells themselves cheap Truth and I think it's important to remember that when stuff like this is being discussed.
ThaWholigan Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Same, the people I know who got married early 20s and stayed married would look at me cross-eyed when I told them a crazy dating story. I don't think women are surprised by this stuff either, they just don't like it aired in public because they all know someone like that, or perhaps have been guilty of it in the past. Some of them are - or at least pretend to be. I think they are probably embarrassed about it - but I understand because some of the stories I hear about men leaves me similarly embarrassed too .
drr6 Posted June 4, 2013 Posted June 4, 2013 I agree with the earlier reply that the original post is so cliche that it reads like a fake entry by a Nice Guy. But I am willing to think it is a genuine post. The Nine Inch Nails reference in the avatar goes along with the story. As others have said, you already know the problem. It's one thing already to be attracted to guys attractive enough to have lots of female attention. But you actually admit to liking attractive guys who are bad boys, get into trouble and are womanizers. Like this douchebag who is committing statutory rape. I am not sure what advice you want: there is no magic potion or spell to turn the obviously womanizing douchebag you find attractive into stable boyfriend material. Short of you offering to be his sugar mamma or providing him celebrity status which would provide the illusion of a relationship. Frankly, the fact that he is banging several much younger girls means you are not even at the top of his rotation. I know it sounds harsh, but what exactly do you think you offer a guy who is looking to bang hotties that is superior? That you want a relationship? You don't think the younger, more naive girls he bangs would offer the same? Not that it matters, since he doesnt even want a relationship. At least if you were talking about an attractive guy who acts like he wants a stable relationship, that would be a different story.
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